It's not in our hands
by Everythingistaken
Summary: Amy and Ty lived the life they had been dreaming about. Children, a career, a loving relationship. Then life happens and things are about to fall apart. Amy struggles to overcome an unexpected sickness that endangers her unborn child while her father struggles to stay away from old habits that force Lisa to deal with her own demons of the past.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ty didn't know what to do. He looked at his wife and wasn't sure whether he would ever see the love in her eyes again. He wasn't even sure if she would ever talk to him again. And he wasn't blaming her. He tried to make the right decision and still he felt like their tragedy wasn't punishment enough.

Amy kept staring at the ceiling, no word has escaped her mouth ever since she has woken up. Tears had been rolling down her cheeks but other then that she might as well be still asleep with her eyes open.

They say that these things need time.

They say that everyone griefs different.

They say that these things need time... But how much time is too much?

**6 Months before **

Amy looked at her children and once again couldn't believe how fast time had been flying. Her baby twins Maylin and Jase grew up so fast that school was just one year away from them. It still seemed like yesterday when Amy found out that she was pregnant, that she was expecting twins. It seemed like yesterday when Amy and Ty said their vows and moved into their beautiful own house right at the center of Heartland. It seemed like yesterday that Ty graduated from vet-school and partnered up with Scott. It seemed like yesterday when Amy and Ty decided to build an indoor riding hall for Amy to train and a new seemed like yesterday when Amy hired Mallory and Tina, a new stable hand, because they couldn't handle all that work alone.

It all seemed like yesterday and still it was all years ago.

„Amy? Amy!" Ty tried to get his wife's attention.

„Sorry, what were you saying?" Amy snapped out of her daydream.

"Are you OK?" Ty asked.

They were sitting at their dining table, the kids were already in bed and the couple was enjoying the peaceful quiet over a glass of wine and a beer.

"It has been two years, Ty", Amy sighted.

"Oh honey, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. Don't stress yourself out so much."

"Aren't you unhappy about it at all? Maybe we should go see a doctor again after all."  
"Amy, we had May and Jase without any help. If we get you pregnant again then I promise it will happen without a doctor poking around my beautiful wife. Just stop worrying, it can't work if you don't stop thinking about babies all the time."

"That's what you keep saying and still nothing is happening. I just want this so much..."  
"I know", Ty said and took Amy's hand in his and gently stroke over the back of her hand, "but we are blessed with two wonderful children – don't forget that. Please, stop stressing out about this."

"I'm not stressing. I'm... wishing", Amy defended herself.

"Then stop taking a pregnancy test every hour", Ty tried to joke but failed.

"Fine", Amy sighted even though they both new she wouldn't stop stressing.

"So, what were you saying?" Amy asked and so Ty told her about his day.

One house further along Jack and Lisa were already lying in bed, with their books in their hands, ready to drift of to sleep. Jack was not getting younger but still wouldn't let the work around Heartland go and stuck to his routine of getting up early, taking care of the farm, the family and the animals. Lisa and he had to figure out how to join each others routines of life but had managed to compromise and most days couldn't be better for them.

Lou, Peter, Katie and Georgie were still living at Fairfield and Lisa was glad that family was keeping the mansion in order. Even though she still owned Fairfield it didn't feel like that house belonged to her anymore and fully accepted the changes Peter and Lou had made.

Lou's business' were all up and running and Peter had found work near by so that he wouldn't have to travel all the time anymore.

And Tim... Well, Tim had created a whole new way of living for himself. He was in a long-term relationship with Julia Campbell, a successful show-jumping trainer that lived only a couple of miles away from Heartland.

The beautiful blonde has finally accepted that she had fallen in love with Tim, the most self-centered, self-righteous cowboy of all times and was still thinking about his suggestion to move in together. Jack still couldn't understand what that woman found in his ex-son-in-law and had to remind himself that his own daughter had fallen for him many years ago. He did admit that Tim had his good sides though.

The next day started and the Borden family gathered around for breakfast. Even though Amy had decided to keep her name she and Ty had decided that the kids should only have one last name and so they chose for them to live as Borden's.

Maylin and Jase had recently decided to dress themselves without the help of their parents and since the day they have started every day was a new surprise.

Today Maylin had decided to go to kindergarten in a pretty blue knee-long dress with little white butterflies on it, a pink and yellow striped leggings underneath it and – riding boots!  
"Honey, are you sure you want to go to kindergarten in your boots? Don't you think they'll get in the way while playing?" Amy asked her daughter as she looked at her eye-hurting colorful outfit of the day.  
"Nope Mom, I think they are just fine. You never now whether there might be a horse crossing you way", Maylin responded in a very serious voice.

"That's stupid, there are no horses at kindergarten", Jase grunted.

"Jase, don't be mean", Ty said but couldn't help himself and smiled. Maylin was SO much like her mother. She was just as stubborn, just as strong-willed as Amy.

"Do you still think this is a good idea?" Amy whispered laughing to her husband.  
"Yeaaah, sure. I mean, nobody get's hurt by them walking around looking like... that. We want them to be themselves – it's just a phase", Ty laughed.

Jase was dressed in his usual little cowboy outfit and looked very much like a mini Ty and like a mini Jack and like a mini Tim (Amy couldn't decide who he looked like most).

"Okay you two, lets get going", Ty said and moments later he dropped of the twins and drove to the clinic.

Amy used the time without her family in the house to clean up the biggest mess' and changed into her working clothes. When she stood in the bathroom, looking at her full box of tampons she couldn't stop herself from counting back.

Could it be? No it couldn't! She just made a pregnancy test yesterday. She just talked with Ty about it. But the tests can be wrong. 99% - that's definitely not a 100%.

There was so much work to do, so many horses to train and to look after but Amy couldn't wait. She rushed to the drug store, bought a new test, a liter of orange juice which she drank on the way back home and immediately rushed into the bathroom. Five minutes later Jack heard a loud scream coming from his granddaughters house. He dropped the bucked he was carrying and rushed to the front door.  
"AMY? EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?" he yelled through the house.

"Grandpa", Amy screamed back and ran downstairs where he stood with the test in her hands.

"NO!" Grandpa gasped, already knowing what was going on.  
"YES", Amy laughed with tears of happiness in her eyes.

Jack pulled her into a bear-hug and whispered: "Congratulations, honey. You deserve it so much!"

"I can't wait to tell Ty", Amy smiled.

_Wow, already a new storyline... But I had this "Idea" and I couldn't wait to start and then I couldn't wait to share the first couple of words...  
For those of you who haven't read my story "Future in our hands": It's not necessary to do so in order to keep up with this story but of course it would make me happy if you would take a look. This Fanfiction has nothing to do with the new season that has just started (And not very satisfying if I may say so - Ahmed kissing Amy? We could sooo foresee that! And Lou making such a fuss about Lisa? Isn't even Lou over that?! Urgh!)_

_Feel free to comment, criticize and to express any wishes you might have.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After Jack promised Amy not to tell a soul about her pregnancy – especially not Lisa – she had started working with a new horse that would not tolerate being indoor. The mare would brake out in panic by the sight of a stable or an indoor riding hall so Amy had her hands full for the next couple of hours. Having worked for Ahmed had given her career a big push – Amy's name was well known in and around Canada and clients came from the USA in order to give their horses their best chance to improve.

But nevertheless Heartland was still the same as it used to be, it had grown and might be more modern in some ways but the soul was still traditionally and most importantly it had the calm and peaceful vibe that the horses needed in order to change for the better.

When Amy walked into the office to phone a couple of clients it hit her again: She really was pregnant.

_Ty won't be expecting this, _she thought with the phone in her hand, _especially not after tonight. He will think that I'm kidding. I could call him... Or better yet drive over there. But he might not have time... Maybe I'll tell him tonight... Or..., _her mind kept rambling until her phone started buzzing.

After Amy was done with the paper work it was already time to pick the kids up from kindergarten. Ty and Amy had decided to let them have half of the day at home since their was always someone around that will be watching them and they did have the most wonderful environment to grow up in – but on the other hand shouldn't miss the opportunity to socialize before going to school.

"So, how was your day?" Amy asked as Maylin and Jase were buckled up and Amy started the car.

"OK", Jase answered while munching his donut Amy has bought before.

"Mommy, why aren't you driving home?" Maylin interrupted Jase.

"Because there is something we need to pick up before."  
"What do we need to pick up?" Jase asked curiously.

"You'll see", Amy smiled and parked the car in front of a copy shop. The shop assitant handed Amy a paper-bag and moments later all three were on their way home.  
"Pleaseee Mom, can we see what's in the bag now?" Maylin kept begging.

"No May, lets wait until we get home, OK?" Amy said for the 100th time – she wanted to see their reaction.

They just walked through the door when the twins dropped their bags on the floor and stood in front of their mother.

"Okay, I'm gonna show you now but you need to promise not to tell ANYONE until we tell daddy, ok?" Amy said.

"Pinky-promise", Maylin promised and held her tiny pinky in front of her.

"Pinky-promise!" Jase joined in and so did Amy who tried her best not to laugh.

"All right then", Amy pulled two T-Shirts out of the bag: "Can you read this?"  
"Uhm...", Maylin said and squinted her eyes.  
"It says: Big br", Jase said and then took a moment until he understood what was written on the shirt in his hands: "Big brother. It says big brother. Does that mean I'm older then Maylin?"  
"Nope, you know you two are the same age", Amy laughed.  
"Then what does it mean?" Maylin asked.

"It means that daddy and I are having another baby and that you two are going to have a baby brother or sister", Amy smiled.  
"Really?!", Maylin beamed, "I ALWAYS wanted to have a baby sister. That is so cool!"  
"It better be twins so that I can have a baby brother", Jase jumped in, finding the idea of having a little buddy not bad at all.

"So, where is the baby now?" Jase asked, looking at his mother.

"It's in my belly", Amy explained.  
"But what is it doing there?" Maylin asked.

_Oh boy... _Amy thought, knowing that it was time for a talk.

"How about daddy and I tell you all about the baby later? Because first I need you to do me a very big favor..."

Ty had an unstressed day and decided to get home early to check some horses Amy had asked him to look at.

First he walked into the house to see if anyone was home.  
"Hello?" he called while still standing in the door frame of the front door.

"Daddyyyy is home", Jase screamed through the house as if Amy was deaf.

"Remember what we talked about, OK?" Amy whispered and her twins nodded. Together they left the playroom and greeted Ty.

"Hey you", Ty smiled at the sight of his family.

"How was your day?" Amy asked.

"Uneventful. I came early to check out those horses you talked about last night", Ty answered.

"That's great, thank you", Amy smiled.

"So, how about your day? Anything new?" Ty asked all three of them.

Maylin and Jase shook their head but nothing could hide their humungous smiles.

"What are you smiling at then?" Ty asked laughing. They both shrugged their shoulders and once more Amy was astonished by their similar gesture.

"Before you get our", Amy interrupted the, "we have a little surprise for you, right kids?" Amy said.  
Maylin and Jase nodded.

"Really? A surprise?" Ty asked, raising his eyebrows, "what could that be?"  
"Maybe the ice-cream-machine we saw last week", Jase said with a big grin.  
"Really, huh?" Ty smiled unsure about what was expecting him. Surprises of his children weren't always the best surprises, like the one time he found his boots filled with frogs.

"Why don't you show your daddy the shirts you got today?" Amy asked and so Maylin and Jase took of their pullovers they have been wearing over their shirts.

Maylin's said: Big sister and Jase's of course: Big brother.

Ty stared at the twins. Then he stared at Amy and back at the twins.  
"What?" he whispered.  
"Yeah", Amy whispered back, tears threatening to drown her eyes.

"Oh my gosh", Ty whispered again, "No way... NO WAY!" and pulled Amy into an hectic embrace.  
"But how?" he whispered into her ear.  
Amy laughed: "Well, that's exactly what your kids have asked."

"Are you sure?"

"I took four tests. I'm pretty sure... But we'll have to wait for the doctor's appointment to be a hundred percent sure."  
"But you took a test yesterday, right? And it was negative?"  
"Yeah, I suppose it was wrong", Amy smiled.

"I can't believe this. You are really pregnant. YOU ARE PREGNANT, oh my god, WE ARE HAVING A BABY", now Ty totally flipped, first he swung Jase in the air and then Maylin, "WE ARE HAVING A BABY!"  
Amy looked at her husbands little freak show, her children bursting out in laughter and couldn't be happier herself.  
"Now you need to tell us what the baby is doing in mama's belly", Jase demanded.

"Ooookay", Ty said and together they sat down in the living room where Maylin and Jase got to know everything the needed to know for now.

After Maylin and Jase were free to play outside Ty looked at his wife in awe.

"What?" Amy asked, confused by his looks.

"I can't believe we are finally doing this again", Ty admitted.  
"I know. Me neither", Amy smiled.

But they did.

A couple of days later Amy and Ty sat in the waiting room of Amy's Doctor Dr. Wild.

"Are you nervous?" Amy laughed after she noticed Ty's trembling legs.

"No, why would I? Are you?" Ty declined.

Amy lay a hand on Ty's leg and said: "It's going to be fine. Yes, I'm nervous too. But really, we don't have a reason to be, right?"  
"Right", Ty finally smiled again.

"Mrs Fleming? Dr. Wild is ready for you", the doctor's assistant said and Amy got up.

"Are you coming?" Amy asked Ty who was still sitting.  
"You want me to come in?" Ty wasn't expecting that even though he had no idea what he was expecting. The pregnancy with the twins had started out so different.  
"Of course", Amy smiled.

"Good to see you again", Dr. Wild greeted the couple. She had been by Amy's side during her last rather complicated pregnancy and was always happy to see her as a healthy mother.

After they talked about the facts Amy was prepared for the ultrasound.

"So, lets see if there is someone hiding in there", Dr Wild smiled and seconds later her smile got wider.  
"Here it is. Look at that – that's where your baby is. You can't see it yet, it's a bit too early."  
"Oh my good, it's so tiny", Ty beamed.

"Is it ok?" Amy asked.

"Yes, everything seems to be fine."  
"And it's only one?" Ty asked.

Dr Wild laughed out loud: "I can't tell yet. You can see twins from the sixth week of pregnancy. Your pregnancy is pretty early though, I would say you are just five weeks along."

"Really?"  
"Yes. Is that a surprise?"  
"We have tried for so long that I did pregnancy tests all the time. They were always negative", Amy explained.  
"Well, pregnancy tests are pretty good these days but maybe you were out of luck. The tests can be negatively false if taken too early and your HCG-level is to low, there are a couple of reasons why it could have been negative. BUT you are definitely pregnant again - congratulations", Dr Wild smiled.

"Do you want to tell the others?" Ty asked as he held the practice door open for his wife who stepped outside.

"I don't know. It's so early, I'm scared something might happen."

"Don't even dare thinking like that. And if I may say: IF something may happen, which is not going to happen, everyone will find out anyhow."

"True. Gosh, I'm so exited!"  
"No kidding. And I love that May and Jase are just as happy, when I checked if they were sleeping last night they lay in their beds, chatting about all the things they were going to do with their sister or brother."

"We are so blessed", Amy smiled.

"Yes, yes we are."

Amy couldn't wrap her head around it: She has been so unhappy about not getting pregnant for years, doubting herself, thinking about her empty womb as some kind of karma because she was so shocked in the first few weeks of her first pregnancy.

And now, days after her last frustrating pregnancy test everything has changed. She had been pregnant all along.

As it turned out, Amy and Ty talking about how to tell everyone else was unnecessary. When they got home they saw their son and daughter running around the stable showing their shirts to everyone that got in their way babbling about how they were going to be the best big brother and sister in the world.

"Oh gosh", Amy sighted.  
"Relax honey", Ty laughed and opened the car door for her.

"How are you always so relaxed about the chaos our children are making?" Amy asked only half joking.  
"Well, everybody knows that that is the mothers fault", Ty laughed landing himself a slap on the arm.

"Is it true?" Lou came running out of the office towards Amy and Ty.  
"Yes", Amy smiled, "We just came back from the doctor's."

"Oh my god, congratulations, finally!" Lou pulled Amy in for a hug and then hugged Ty.

"That is so great", she said, "we need to celebrate this. Tonight, at Fairfield, I'll cook, you only have to come to our place", Lou demanded.

"Lou, I", Amy tried to protest but of course she didn't have a choice.

So, later that day everyone gathered around at Fairfield and celebrated the new life and the new family member that they would be meeting soon enough.

_Hello everyone, first of all I would like to thank you for your reviews: _  
_JPNIghtRUn: Sharp as always but I'm glad you are still with us for this sequel_  
_GKB: Thank you for reviewing and just as hedelmakarkki25 I hope you are happy with the way Amy told Ty about her pregnancy_  
_LK: I'm glad you like it! And most importantly thank you so much for telling me that you weren't able to see the story on the Heartland page, I never would have noticed! _

_Then I would like to say that I do not get any inspiration out of other stories that are uploaded on . Since I have searched for my story on the official side I have seen that there are many stories that seem similar to this one but I hope I won't bore you and that nobody feels swindled. i just felt like it's appropriate to get that out here :) _

_As some of you have noticed this story isn't going to be all fluffy and fairy-tale, especially from chapter 3 or 4, I'm not exactly sure about when, just so that you are warned. It is a very sensitive topic, so please stay as kind as you always are._

_Take care you all and don't forget to leave a quick review. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

* * *

The first three most critical months of Amy's pregnancy went by fast. The morning sickness past, Amy and Ty got over being overly worried about the baby and Maylin and Jase were finally allowed to tell everyone they wanted to tell that they were going to have a baby sibling.

Amy just got out of the shower and dried herself of when she looked at herself in the mirror. She had hated looking at herself after the twins were born and was finally happy with her body's shape again. Now there was a teeny tiny baby bump showing. She gently lay a hand over her stomach and whispered: "Hey baby. Hope you are all comfy in there. Your daddy and I can't wait to meet you."  
Amy was so in thought that she didn't notice that Ty was watching her from the door frame.

"True. Almost half a year left until we finally will", he said smiling, walking towards Amy.

Amy turned around: "Ty, you almost gave me a heart attack. I thought you were outside with the kids." She wrapped a towel around her body.

"I was but Jack was going to see if the cattle has calved and I couldn't keep up with that. Hey, don't do that", he laughed when he noticed that Amy covered her body with the towel.

"Why?" Amy asked smiling.  
"Because I simply can't get enough from be beautiful wife", he said, kissed her neck and slowly let the towel drop to the ground.

* * *

Later that day Amy's pregnancy has left a mark on Lou's family as well.

"So, Amy and Ty are having a third child, when are you going to have another one?" Katie asked her parents as they sat down around the table for dinner. She was nine now and looked very much like her mother. She had the same long brown slightly curled hair, the brown eyes that could melt hearts after Peter's opinion.  
"Why do you want us to have a third child?" Peter asked laughing.

"I don't know. Why not? We have plenty of rooms, like five left. And you have money, right? And Georgie and I would be really good sisters, right?"  
Georgie nodded with her mouth full with noodles.

Lou just laughed: "Well, dream on honey. One day you can have as many children as you want."

"But I don't want a child, I want a little sister", Katie wouldn't let go.

"You know, I always wanted a younger brother too. But I'm going to be forty years old soon and I never wanted to be an old dad", Peter said, trying to stop Katie's ideas.  
"That's not old. I have classmates who's parents are much older."

"Drop it, Kate", Lou demanded and started to take the dirty dishes in the kitchen.

Later then night when the girls have disappeared in their rooms and Peter and Lou sat on the couch watching TV Peter picked up the theme again: "Well... It would be fun, wouldn't it?"

"What?" Lou asked without taking her eyes of the TV.  
"You know – having another baby."  
"What, you are calling changing diapers, wiping spit up and sleepless nights fun now?" Lou laughed, not really taking her husband serious.

"I'm serious", Peter said.  
"Come on Peter, we just got everything in order, the girls are doing great, our careers are doing great. Why screw all that up for a sudden idea of our daughter?"

"It's not a sudden idea. We just never talked about this."

"Well, Peter, are you saying that you want another baby?"  
"I don't know. I haven't thought about it in a while but don't you think it might be worth thinking about it one more time."  
"Okay", Lou gave in sighting.  
"Okay", Peter smiled and kissed his wife.

* * *

"Ty?" Amy called threw the stable, looking for her husband.

"I'm here", he answered from the tackle room.

"So, I have been wondering", Amy started talking before she even got to him, "which room would be best for the little one."  
"And did you make a choice?"

"Yes", Amy answered smiling, loving that he already knew exactly that he had no say in this.

"I'd like to take the room right next to our bedroom", Amy said.  
"I like that. I always thought about having a new baby in there someday", Ty admitted.

"So, can we drive into town in the next couple of days? I'd really like to start looking for furniture."  
"Are you having the nesting syndrome?" Ty joked.  
"Well, you know, we didn't choose May's and Jase's cribs and I would really like to decorate this nursery", Amy explained.  
"Of course we can."  
"Great", Amy smiled, kissed Ty and then said: "So, I'll get to work. Do you have to drive over to the clinic again today?""  
"No, Scott is there, I'm all yours today."  
"Even better! Maybe we can go for a ride with the twins?"  
"Sounds great. Call me when you are done?"  
"I will."  
"Be careful."  
"Yes, dad", Amy smiled and walked out of the room.

* * *

Weeks past again and after working with a couple of horses Amy had a moment to herself. Ty and Jack took Maylin and Jase to an auction, Mallory and Tina had taken two horses out for a ride and it was awfully quiet around Heartland. A weird feeling crept over Amy and anxiety started to overcome her.

She quickly took the car keys and drove to the only place Amy wanted to be at that time. Minutes later she kneed down in front of Marion's grave, stroking leaves away.

"Hey mom. Can't believe it's been such a long time I was here. I'm sorry. But I'm thinking about you all the time. Ty and I are having another baby, mom. Can you believe it? We have been so blessed, our life is so good. I wanted this baby so bad and I can't wait for it to be here. But right now I feel like everything is going to change again after we fought so hard to get to this point. I don't want things to change and yet I want this baby so much. Maylin and Jase are so happy, I wish you could see them running around, telling everybody that I'm pregnant. Oh mom, I miss you", Amy sighted, wishing for the 1000th time that her mother was still there with her. But time had helped. Years ago Amy would had wept at that point but today she smiled sadly, lay down a bouquet of flowers she bought before and drove back to the barn where her life was waiting.

* * *

"Amy, hey", Lisa greeted her when she got out of the car.

"Hey Lisa", Amy waved.

"How are things going? Look at you, you look amazing", Lisa smiled.  
"Yeah... Things are good actually, Ty and I have started to decorate the nursery. That makes it so much more real."  
"How far along are you now exactly?" Lisa asked.  
"Exactly twenty-one weeks now", Amy beamed.

"Unbelievable! Half-time is over, hm?"  
"I can't believe it myself. Ty and I are getting the nursery done already, I forgot how tiny everything needed to be when they get born. I could keep on buying baby clothes all day."  
"Well, that I fully understand", Lisa laughed, "I was going on a ride with Joey, wanna join me?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, sure", Amy smiled.

A while later the two woman sat on their horses, leaving Heartland behind them.

"Last time I was pregnant and we rode together it ended really bad", Amy remarked, "I can't believe it has been six years."  
"I know", Lisa agreed, "it's scary how fast time is flying. But is has been a good time, right?"  
"Yes, it has. Sometimes I wake up and can't believe how good our life has turned out. Having this baby now after all that time trying is like the cherry on top", Amy smiled.  
"Nobody deserves it more than you, Amy", Lisa said.  
"Thank you."  
They rode in silence for a while until Amy asked: "Can I ask you something personal, Lisa?"  
"Of course."  
"I have always wondered why you have no children. I mean, you are so great with the kids and you were married with Dan..."  
"Ah, yes", Lisa laughed quietly, having heard that question a lot of time. She barely ever answered it truthfully, always saying that it just never happened, what wasn't exactly a lie.

"Well. At sometime I did have children."  
"What?"  
"I was pregnant. Once", Lisa started to tell.  
"What happened?"  
"I was pregnant with twins, just like you were. But I lost them. The first very early in the pregnancy and my little girl Sophia died because she was born too early. That's also the real reason why Dan and I broke up. We just couldn't make it work and he got the way he... he still is today."  
"Wow, Lisa, I'm so, so sorry."  
"It's okay. It really is. All of that happened so many years ago that I sometimes don't even think about it as a tragedy anymore. I know Sophia would have been brilliant and she was the most beautiful little baby girl."  
"But still... That's so sad", Amy admitted.

"Please Amy, don't feel bad about this. I, uhm, I don't like talking about this and I would appreciate if you would keep if to yourself?" Lisa asked.

"Of course. Does Grandpa now?" Amy asked, curiously.

"Yes, he does. You know he knows all about loosing a daughter", Marion smiled sadly and then changed the theme: "So, lets enjoy this ride before we get home where we will be swallowed by the chaos again."

* * *

That night when Amy got ready for bed Ty lay a little gift package beside her on the sink.

"Whats that?" Amy asked, putting away her toothbrush.

"For you."  
"Ty Borden, what did you do?"  
"Nothing! Can't a husband give his wife a present without having screwed up?"  
"I don't know. Can he?"  
"Let's find out", Amy laughed and opened the ribbon. Inside the box she found a beautiful shamrock charm.

When Amy was pregnant with the twins Ty had given her a beautiful bracelet with two shamrocks that now had Maylin's and Jase's names engraved.  
"Well, if there is number three on the way, we better be prepared", Ty smiled and added the charm to Amy's bracelet.  
"You truly are the best husband in the world", Amy smiled and kissed him on the lips, "Thank you, Ty."

"You're welcome", Ty smiled.

* * *

Every morning Ty woke up by the light snoring of his pregnant wife. He would look at her for a couple of minutes until she would wake up from his staring. Then he would kiss her good morning, kiss his unborn child threw the Amy's belly and had to wait a second to realize that this was actually happening. To Ty it sometimes felt like a week ago that he arrived at Heartland and now Heartland was his life with all the people belonging to it.

"You are staring again", Amy whispered, not opening her eyes yet.

"Busted", Ty smiled and lay a hand on Amy's swollen baby bump.

"Good morning", Amy said in her raspy morning voice, slowly opening her eyes that needed some time to get used to the sunlight.  
"How are you feeling?"  
"Good. Baby was quiet tonight, no kicking", Amy smiled and sat up.

"That's good baby, let your mama have a good night sleep", Ty talked to Amy's stomach.

"Daaaad, why are you talking to mommy's belly?", Maylin interrupted the peaceful moment between the couple.

"Becaaaause there is a baby in there now", Ty said in the same voice Maylin had talked to him.

Without saying a word Amy lifted her side of the bedsheets and let her daughter crawl under it. "Here, feel that?" Amy asked Maylin, guiding her little hand to her baby bump.

"Yeah, is that the baby?" Maylin asked.

"Yes, it's kicking", Amy explained.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Maylin asked her mother with a worried face expression.

"No, not really. It's not always comfortable but not painful. You and your brother on the other hand were never still, that was quiet annoying at the end", Amy laughed.

"That's because May always wants to have all the space to herself", Jase complained. His blond her was standing in every direction, his teddy loosely dangling from his hand.

"Hey buddy, did you sleep well?" Ty ignored the complain. Jase was well known for NOT being a morning person. He always needed a little longer than the rest of the family to get in a good mood after waking up.

Jase joined his parents and sister in the bed and together they started their sunday morning very relaxing.

"So, how about breakfast in bed today?" Ty asked.

"Yeees, breakfast in bed", Jase and Maylin shouted out laughing. Ty looked at Amy as if asking her for the permission.

"Sounds great", she smiled.

And so half an hour later the four shared the bed with pancakes, waffles, sirup and orange juice.

"I wish everyday could be like this", Jase said, munching away his pancake, shmearing maple sirup all over Ty's and Amy's bed.

"Yeah", Maylin agreed.

* * *

_First of all: Thank you again for reviewing so kind and loyally! Even though I can see how many readers take their time for this story it is always especially nice to get a review - it pushes the writing and even influences it every once in a while. _

_As I have mentioned before in the next chapter a couple of things will change... _

_Take care everyone _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ty and Amy had spend a beautiful weekend outside with their children. Summer had past and the leaves turned orange and yellow. The air was clear and everyone was thankful for the still slightly warm sunshine to shine on their shoulders.

Maylin and Jase were learning to ride better and better from day to day and Amy had to tell her daughter and son over and over again that they were not allowed to go riding alone for the next couple of years. Amy remembered having the same discussion with her mother when she was that age.

Jack and Tim had partnered up and bought the twins two adorable Shetland ponies for their fourth birthday.

Nobody could get enough of watching Maylin and Jase ride around Heartland, beaming with happiness and pride with their little cowboyhats and boots. Even though Amy and Ty did the main job of teaching them riding Georgie had dedicated lots of her time to show her cousins some tricks.

Now Maylin and Jase were in bed and Ty and Amy were enjoying a cup of tea on the couch before going to bed themselves.

"Can you believe that my dad is moving in with Julia?" Amy asked. Her feet were resting on Ty's lap and he was gently massaging them.  
"I know", he laughed, "but he seems really happy. And I think Julia is great, I can't believe she is putting up with him. I mean, we all know that he is really great, but", Ty started to save himself but Amy stopped him laughing: "I know what you mean. It is like everyone is...", Amy stopped a second to catch her breath.  
"Are you OK?" Ty asked, noticing that Amy was getting paler by the second.

"Yeah, just... Uhm, what I was trying to say is that", Amy tried to get on with her sentence but out of nothing a sharp pain shot threw her stomach.  
"Ouch", she whispered, dropping her cup of tea to the ground. Ty put her feet off his lap and was by her side a second later.

"Amy, what's wrong?"  
"I don't know", Amy whispered threw clenched teeth, "My stomach just started to hurt really bad."  
"Just right now? Did it hurt all day?"  
"No, no, it didn't", Amy said.

"Where does it hurt?"  
"Up here", Amy answered, meaning her upper abdomen.

"Ty, something isn't right, I feel like my head is going to explode", Amy said, leaning back in the cushions, suddenly feeling to week to hold her body upright.

"Don't move", Ty ordered and rushed to find his phone. His mind was racing, if she had a headache maybe her pain didn't have anything to do with their baby, maybe it was just a bad case of flue, the baby would be fine but what if it wouldn't? His mind kept going to places Ty never wanted to go until he finally found his phone.

"Jack, it's Ty. Listen, can you come over real quick? I need to get Amy to the hospital, she is suddenly not feeling well and I think she really needs to see a doctor", Ty panicked.

"I'll be right there", Jack said, wide awake right away.

"What's wrong?" Lisa asked her husband in a sleepy voice. She just woke up by Jack's voice.

"Something is wrong with Amy and the baby, they are going to the hospital. They need us to watch the twins", Jack rushed to explain. Both of them were still in their pajamas while running over to Amy's and Ty's house.

Meanwhile Amy was feeling worse. Her heart was racing and the pain in her abdomen was not getting better. Ty knew that calling an ambulance would take more time than driving Amy himself so he got the stuff together he knew Amy would need and just as he changed into a jeans and T-Shirt Lisa and Jack arrived.

"Amy, what's going on?" Jack asked worried as he saw his granddaughter sweating and whimpering on the couch.  
"I... I don't know", Amy whispered, "It feels like the worst stomach flue combined with a heart-attack", she said and then went silent again.

"Yes.. Yes. No she is in really bad pain", Ty said. He was on the phone with Dr. Wild who was also Amy's midwife, "OK, we'll meet you there."

Then everything went very fast.

Ty carried her to the car and when it was clear that Amy couldn't handle the pain sitting Jack decided to ride the car while Ty would sit in the back of the car with Amy's head lying on his lap. Lisa stayed with Maylin and Jase who haven't woken up by the drama.

While lying on her husbands lap Amy was more scared than she had ever been. She felt like her body was torn apart, like a demon had possessed her body. She kept trying to feel if the baby was still moving, terrified that something had happened to her youngest child.

At the hospital Dr Wild was expecting Amy already. They put her on a stretcher and rushed her inside.

Ty ran with them, right by Amy's side.  
"I'm so scared", Amy whispered to Ty, having a clear moment.

"It's going to be OK, you are going to be all right", Ty answered, trying not to show his wife how scared he was himself.

By now a crowd of medical stuff was surrounding Amy and made it hard for Ty to stay right next to Amy.  
"Ty, don't worry too much. It might just be a stomach bug", Dr Wild tried to calm Ty but her face said otherwise.

"I'm sorry Mr Borden, but I need to ask you to leave the room for now, we are going to do some tests ", a nurse said, trying to lead Ty out of the room.  
"I won't be in the way, I promise", Ty begged, "I don't want her to be alone."

The nurse sighted but let him stay for now. Ty kneed down next to Amy's head and stroke her loose hair out of her face.

"It's going to be OK", he kept whispering.

"It hurts so much", Amy whimpered. The doctors gave her something against the pain but it didn't help much.

"Hang in there", Ty whispered.

"Don't let them do anything to our baby", Amy whispered before she let the doctors take control over her body and prayed for her babies life until her vision started to blur.

Ty ran up and down the waiting room, not able to stand still for a second.

Jack on the other hand sat on one of the chairs, not moving at all. Neither of them felt like they could breath.

"They shouldn't have kicked me out, she shouldn't be in there alone", Ty cursed.  
"You'll just get in the way, she is in good hands", Jack responded automatically without feeling anything of the calmness he was trying to exude.

"Oh my god, Jack, I'm going nuts. I can't stand this, I can't do this", Ty was rambling in panic. Jack got up and instead of saying another word pulled Ty into a bear-hug.

"It's going to be fine", Jack whispered when Ty broke down in the arms of his father-in-law.

They stayed in that position until Dr Wild got to them.

"Ty, Amy seems to suffer from the HELLP-Syndome. That's the worst case of a toxemia of pregnancy and very serious. Ty, you need to make a decision: Your wife's life is seriously at risk. Her blood pressure is way too high, her liver isn't functioning right, her kidney is starting to fail. Our options are very limited. We should deliver the baby as soon as possible", Dr Wild rushed to say.

"What, NO! It's way too early, the baby isn't ready", Ty panicked.

"I know. We will do everything we can to save your child but right now we can't say how much longer Amy will hang in there. If her body shuts down you'll loose both", Dr Wild explained fast.

"Oh my god. Oh my god", Ty whispered, "Amy would do everything for the kids. She wouldn't want this. She would never put her own life before theirs, she would never put her life before anyone."  
"This is the only realistic way to have a chance to save both. Amy will not survive this pregnancy much longer and that way neither will your unborn child", Dr Wild said again.

Ty took a deep breath, trying to wrap his head around what happened, trying to think like Amy would. "OK, OK, do it. Please, save them, don't let them die. Please", Ty begged.

"I'll do everything I can", Dr Wild promised and left.

Jack and Ty froze until the nurse came to explain to them that the HELLP-Syndrome makes Amy's red blood cells to break down, liver enzymes to elevate and her platelet count dangerously low. Until the baby is born there is no way the mother's body could recover.

"Because of the high blood pressure and organ failure the Dr Wild might place Mrs Fleming in an artificial coma so that her body can recover better", the nurse finished explaining.

"What about the baby?"  
"Your wife is only 23 weeks along. I can not tell you anything about the baby's condition right now, the chances of a fetus surviving at this age lays under 50%. If your child survives you might have to face severe multiple disabilities. But right now I don't want you to worry about that. Right now you need to concentrate on your wife and child to survive the next hours, OK?"

Ty nodded, feeling like the weight of the world was laid on his shoulders.

"But what happens with the baby now? When it gets out?" Jack asked.

"The child is at serious risk for a cerebral hemorrhage due to very thin vessels, the lounge isn't developed enough for the baby to breath on it's own, the liver isn't ready to handle the toxicants – the doctors will do everything in there power to save your child Mr. Borden", the nurse said with a sad smile.

"Oh my god", Ty whispered, understanding that the nurse is trying not to give him any false hope. Even if Amy is going to be OK his decision to allow the doctors to get the baby out today might kill it.

"Ty, you had no choice", Jack said to him, laying his hand on Ty's shoulder, "If they wouldn't deliver the baby now, you would have lost both of them. We would have lost both. Don't loose hope, you heard her: There is a chance that both are going to be fine."

Ty nodded, staring in the air. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he needed to throw up. Ty quickly got up and rushed to the next bin where he emptied his stomach.

Then Jack's phone rang. Lou was calling.  
"Grandpa, what's going on?"

"Lou... I...", Jack couldn't say it, "I think it might be best if you come here", he said and then his voice failed.

Not much later Lou joined her Grandfather and Ty in the waiting room. Peter had stayed with the children.

Only minutes after Lou arrived the nurse came back: "Mr Borden?"  
"Yes?" Ty quickly got up.

"It's a girl", the nurse announced.  
"How is she?"  
"She weights 430 gram and is 27 cm long. The doctors are doing everything they can in order for her to survive in an incubator. Your wife is going to be out of surgery soon."  
"How is Amy?"  
"Dr Wild will give you an update about her conditions as soon as she gets out of the OR."

"Thank you", Jack said on Ty's behalf as the nurse left them.

"Oh, wait", Lou suddenly stopped her from leaving, "When can we see them?"  
"You will be able to visit Mrs Fleming soon."

"I can't believe this is happening. This morning everything was fine and now... I should have paid better attention to her, she was pale all day, I should have...", Ty stopped talking when tears came to his eyes.

Back at Heartland Maylin and Jase just woke up.

They were surprised to see Lisa sitting on their couch instead of their parents.

"Where are mom and dad?" Jase asked right away. Lisa hadn't heard them get up and turned around, cursing herself for the tears that had run down her cheeks. Sitting helpless in the house had almost made her go crazy.

"Hey you two, you are up", Lisa tried to smile.

"Why are you crying?" Maylin asked.

"Come on you two", Lisa ordered and each twin sat down on one of her legs.

"So, your momma hat a bit of a scare tonight so she and daddy had to go to the doctors", Lisa told them as gentle as possible.  
"Why was she scared?" Jase asked not understanding what was happening.  
"Well, her stomach started to hurt and because the baby was inside her she and daddy thought it might be best to let a doctor check out why she was in pain."

"Is the baby out of mommy's belly now?" Maylin asked.  
"Yes, the baby is out now. It's a little girl", Lisa said.  
"Oh, I KNEW it was going to be a girl", Maylin smiled but then stopped, "Then why are you crying? Isn't it a good thing that the baby is there?"

Lisa knew that Amy and Ty always wanted to be as honest as possible with their children so she told them the truth: "Well, you know, the baby wasn't supposed to come for the next three months. It is important to stay in the belly as long as possible because if a baby is born too early it might not be able to live on it's own."  
"So is she dead?" Jase asked with big sad eyes.

"No, no, she is not dead. But they don't know yet if she is going to be as healthy one day as you two are."

"And mommy?" Maylin asked.

"Don't worry too much now", Lisa tried to stop the twins from thinking that they are going to loose their mom.

"But is she OK?" Jase kept asking.  
"You know, she wasn't feeling very well because she was sick. But now the baby is out she is going to be much better but she needs a lot of sleep and rest to do so."

"Did the baby make her sick?" Jase asked.

Lisa sighted: "It wasn't the baby's fault. It was nobody's fault that this happened – some things are just not in our hands, you know?"  
"OK", Maylin said quiet, "When is she coming home?"

"I think she will need to stay at the hospital for a little while, May. The doctors need to take good care of your mom."

And then it hit Maylin and Jase that their mother was really sick. They were too young to fully understand the situation but smart enough to realize that something serious is happening that made their mom sick.

Big tears started to roll down their cheeks and Lisa didn't do anything else but pulled both children into a soothing hug.

After a while the tears stopped running down their little faces and Lisa decided to make them chocolate chip pancakes while they got dressed.

When the kids got back to the kitchen Jase said: "We want to go see mommy."  
"Why don't we eat first?" Lisa suggested, knowing that it wasn't the best thing for Maylin and Jase to see their mother in her frightening condition.  
"No, we want to see her now", Maylin demanded.  
"You can't see her now, honey", Lisa said patiently. This was so heartbreaking that she had to fight against the tears that were swimming in her eyes.

"But why", Jase started crying again and Lisa explained the whole situation again.

_Yes,_Lisa thought, _Why... _

Hello dear readers, I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story. As a matter of fact this chapter had been ready for weeks but I always felt like it wasn't at it's best but now I'm just going to post it because other wise I probably never will. For me personally it is hard to write about this matter - there is a lot to do wrong butI try to write Amy's and Ty's reactions in character.  
Anyway, I hope you'll "stay with me"  
Take care everyone


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

Ty was barely ever at home. He barely saw Maylin and Jase. If you couldn't find him by Amy's side you would find him by his little girls side. They didn't even have a name for her yet. He always called her little girl. That's not a name... She deserved a name.

They would say: "She is doing better", and tell him all about the medical stuff that regarded his daughter. Ty was a veterinarian, he knew all about animal babies. But he couldn't follow the doctor's words.

They would say: "She had a little set back today, but don't give up now."

Amy was still asleep. Dr Wild said that she was doing very well, her liver started to work again, so did her kidney. But they should wait a little longer until they waking her up. Just in case...

Ty looked like a homeless person. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he didn't shave. Jack brought him a new Shirt and new pants every day but he still looked as if he would need to lay down in one of the hospital beds himself.

Everyone came by every day. Amy was never alone. But still she was isolated in her own body.

It was Lou who forced Ty to have a shower.

"I can't Lou. I can't leave", Ty said.

"I know. But I'm here with Amy and Grandpa is with the baby. They are OK right now. You need to clean yourself up, Ty, you need to think about May and Jase too. You are not alone in this, Ty. It is hard enough for them as it is but seeing you like this doesn't make it better. Go home, take an hour and then come back. I will call you if anything changes around here."

"Fine", Ty gave in, not able to discuss this anymore. He was back after 45 minutes.

The little girl was tiny. Not more then a handful and tubes covered her fragile body. Her skin was thin as paper but still Ty thought she was the most beautiful baby.

He wasn't allowed to hold her yet but he would scoop her tiny head in one of his hands, he sang her songs and told her stories about the life at Heartland that was waiting for her.

A day past and then two and then a week.

"It's time", Dr Wild said, coming into Amy's room.

"For what?" Ty asked.

"We can wake her up. She is ready."

"OK... Uhm, I", Ty couldn't think straight but somehow he felt like he was able to breath for the first time.

"She will be disorientated and probably won't know what was going on. It would be better that there is only one person in the room when she wakes up and we need to tell her very carefully what happened."  
"OK", Ty nodded.

Jack had been sitting in an armchair that was standing in a corner and left the room without a word, wiping away a tear. He was too touched to say a word and walked to his youngest great-grand-daughter to tell her the good news that her mother was going to be OK.

But that was going to be a long way.

When Amy finally opened her eyes she was unable to focus. Her eyes wandered around the room without depreciating.

"Hey honey", Ty whispered, "it's so good to see you awake."

"Good to see you", Dr Wild said in a clear voice, "Amy, I know you want to go back to sleep but it is really important that you open your eyes now. Can you look at me? Amy, look at me."  
And so Amy looked at her doctor.

"Amy, do you know where you are?" Dr Wild asked.

Amy tried to speak but her voice wouldn't follow her orders so she slightly shook her head.

"You are in the hospital. You were not feeling well and the baby was at risk so we had to do an emergency c-section. Your organs started to shut down so we placed you into an artificial coma until you got better. That was a week ago. Your baby girl is a little fighter, Amy", Dr Wild explained the situation as simple as possible.

"No", Amy whispered.

"I'm so sorry", Ty whispered as he took her hand into his. But Amy didn't look at him. She kept staring at the ceiling, feeling like her heart got ripped out of her chest. She was in more pain then she had ever been and no physical injury could compete with that pain.

Amy was heartbroken.  
"We can't give up, now", Ty kept whispering, "She is not doing bad. Here, look at her", Ty showed Amy a picture he had taken with his phone.

Amy looked then a tear escaped her eye.

"We need a name for her, but I couldn't do it alone", Ty kept talking, hoping to get a reaction from his wife. She didn't look at him.

"Amy", Ty started crying, "please."

* * *

Ty was relieved to know that Amy was up and her chances of surviving were getting better and better. Until now his bad conscious had almost killed him, he couldn't stop blaming himself for what has happened, for allowing the doctors to deliver their girl this early even though he knew it was the right thing to do. But he also knew that Amy would rather have given her own life for her child's and he was terribly afraid that she will blame him for putting her first.

Ty didn't know what to do. He looked at his wife and wasn't sure whether he would ever see the love in her eyes again. He wasn't even sure if she would ever talk to him again. And he wasn't blaming her. He tried to make the right decision and still he felt like their tragedy wasn't punishment enough.

Amy kept staring at the ceiling, no word has escaped her mouth ever since she has woken up. Tears had been rolling down her cheeks but other then that she might as well be still asleep with her eyes open.

Amy wasn't even able to think. She lay in her hospital bed, trying to concentrate to understand but her mind was so fuzzy. She was glad that her husband with her but she had the urge to send him to their daughter who needed him more. But she didn't know how to communicate with him at that moment. She just couldn't.

Amy's condition got better though. She slept for hours and when she woke up again, with her grandpa by her side, her mind was much more capable of understanding the situation what made it even harder.

* * *

"Amy, you're up", Jack whispered.

"Hey", she whispered back, still getting used to talking again.

"How are you feeling?"  
"How is she?" Amy asked instead of answering the question.  
"She is OK. Not having a good day, but that varies every hour to be honest. She is a fighter, just like her mom", Jack smiled sadly.  
"I need to see her."

"I don't know if you are allowed to get out of bed already", Jack answered.

"I need to see her", Amy insisted.  
"Amy, you just got out of the coma, I-", Jack tried to say but Amy interrupted him: "I need to see her."

"I'll get a doctor", Jack gave in.

Because nobody knew how long the little girl would be able to stay with them they prepped Amy in a wheelchair to see her daughter.

Amy's body was hurting, she was tired and everything inside of her screamed _go back to bed _when she sat down in the wheelchair. But no word escaped her mouth when Ty pushed threw the corridors, one step closer to their daughter with every step he took.

Amy and Ty haven't been talking – there was just nothing to say. They felt the same pain but none of them could express their fear.

Soon Amy finally saw her daughter for the first time and at last she talked to her husband: "Ty, she is so tiny. Look at her", she whispered.

"I know", Ty said and lay a hand on her shoulder.  
"All those tubes", Amy cried.  
"They are keeping her alive though."  
"I know! I know... This is just hard. Can I touch her?"  
"Yeah, here, take that to clean your hands", Ty gave her the germicide and showed her how she could get her hand in the incubator the best way.

Finally Amy touched her little girl.

"Hey baby. You are so beautiful, you know that. Don't you give up. Don't you give up", Amy whispered.

"She really needs a name", Amy said after a while.

"I was thinking about something that will remind us about her strength. I don't want to sound cheesy but she has been fighting so much every since her birth that I", Ty started to justify himself but as it turns out it wasn't necessary.

"I know what you mean. I think it's a good idea", Amy stopped him from rambling.

"I have been talking about it with Ethan and I understand if you want to find a name alone but he mentioned the name Carlotta what means _strong one _and I just really like it", Ty was so unsure about how to behave around Amy that he couldn't hide.

"I like that too", Amy smiled trying to show Ty that she was still the same, "how about Carlotta Hope?"  
"Carlotta Hope it is", Ty smiled, "We really outdid ourselves with that one", Ty tried joking and Amy chuckled barely hearable.

"Hello little Carly", Amy very gently stroke her daughter, "Or do you want to be called Lotta? Carlotta is a pretty big name for such a little girl but one day you will grow into it baby girl."

The time past and way too soon after Amy's opinion she was forced to lay down again. Amy was getting stronger so a day after Amy saw her daughter for the first time Ty started to tell her what was on his mind: "Amy, when you got into hospital you weren't able to make any decision anymore and then Dr Wild told me that Carlotta would have to be delivered in order to save you. I know that you would never put your own life before our children but I... I just hope you'll forgive me... I just want you to know", Ty started to stutter and Amy lay her hand on his.

"I just want you to know that I can't live without you and that Carlotta wouldn't have had a chance with you... With something happening to you."  
"I really appreciate it that you are telling me this, Ty. And you are right, some part of me wants to blame you for this but that's not because I really think that you did something wrong but because I need to be mad at someone because... because this just isn't fair", a tear escaped Amy's eye, followed by more, "It's not fair that Carlotta needs to be fighting for her life like this and it's not fair that you had to go threw this alone. I want to blame you, I want to blame myself for not noticing that something is wrong. But now we just have to focus on our little girl to be OK", Amy smiled sadly.

"How can you be so strong", Ty asked his wife very seriously.

"Because we can't afford not to be", Amy whispered before drifting of to sleep.

* * *

The next day Ty was with his daughter when Jack took Maylin and Jase to see their mother for the first time. It has been almost two weeks since they have seen her last but nobody thought it was a good idea to see their mother as fragile as she was and since Amy was getting better and was out of danger it was time for them to be reunited with her. Besides, Amy had been longing for her son and daughter.

"So you two, before you go in there you need to listen to me, OK", Jack held them back on their arms gently before they stormed into Amy's room, "You mom was really sick, right? She is getting better now and she will be playing with you at home in no time so you don't need to worry about her at all. But you need to be very quiet and don't jump around her because she is still very tired from her illness and not yet the same she was before. There are some tubes that sort of come out of her body, for example to help her get air better, they only help her, they don't hurt, OK?"  
Jase and Maylin nodded, both appearing to be quiet exited.

"OK, Grandpa", Jase nodded.

"Yes, OK", Maylin agreed.  
"Can we see her now?" Jase asked.

"Yes", Jack nodded and took Maylin's and Jase's hand.

"Hey mommy", Jase whispered shyly as they entered Amy's room.  
"Hey you two", Amy beamed, "I have missed you so much. Come here", she demanded and pulled them both in for a hug.  
"Are you going to be OK?" Maylin asked, eyeballing the surroundings skeptical.

"Yes. I promise", Amy said and stroke her over the blond curls, "So how have you been?"  
Maylin and Jase kept on talking for minutes until Maylin asked: "Can we see Carlotta too?"

"Well, she is still in the incubator and not doing very well these day sadly", Amy said, hiding her tears, trying to be strong for her children. It was true, the doctors said that Carlotta still had a very hard time adjusting to the life outside her mother's womb and that her organs just wont function right. The risk of a cerebral bleeding was dangerously high.

"So, is she going to die now?" Jase asked straight forward. Ty had talked about the possibility of their sister passing away a couple of days ago because he and Amy felt like it would be impossible for them to understand the situation if the future isn't going to be as bright as intended.

"No, no", Jack jumped in, "never loose hope, to you hear me?"  
"OK", Jase nodded as if he understood what that meant.  
"So, I want to know everything that has been going on at Heartland", Amy demanded with a forced smile.

* * *

Amy got better, her liver and kidney started to work again, she didn't need the dialysis anymore and she lost the yellow color that had been caused by the liver failure.

Carlotta's condition was still uncertain. Amy was allowed to see her whenever she pleased to and Ty didn't need to make the difficult decision whether he should be with his sick wife or daughter anymore.

But all the praying, all the wishing and all the hope didn't work it's magic. One night Amy was woken up by a nurse and Ty got the phone call he has dreaded all along. He was sleeping at home since a couple of days know his phone always turned as loud as possible.

He woke up right away when it rang.

It was the hospital.

"Mr Borden?"  
"Is something wrong?"  
"You should come to the hospital."  
"Now?"  
"Carlotta had a cerebral hemorrhage."  
"A what?"  
"A brain bleed. She is not... She is not doing well."  
"I'll be right there."

At the hospital Amy was already up.

"Ty", she cried out when she saw her husband coming. Amy sat in a wheelchair in front of the NICU.  
"What is going on?" Ty asked, kneeing down in front of Amy.

"She has a brain bleed", Amy cried. Ty couldn't keep it together, not even for Amy. He started crying. Amy had never seen him like this and it made her clear that this was worse than ever before.  
"We can't give up", Amy sobbed. Ty nodded, embracing her.

"Amy? Ty?" the pediatrician walked towards them. Amy and Ty had spend so much time with the medical stuff that everyone knew everyone's name by now.

"Yes?"  
"Carlotta had a massive cerebral hemorrhage. As we discussed before mild brain bleeds are not as dangerous for premature babies. But Carlotta suffered a very serious bleed. We tried everything. I'm so sorry. But... I'm afraid you should be with your daughter right now."  
"No", Amy clasped the wheelchair's handles.

Ty said nothing. His face went white and his knees awfully weak.

"Is there nothing we can do? Please don't give up on her doctor. Please", Ty started begging.

"Come on", Dr Roberts said gently and led them towards the room without answering Ty's question right away.

Most of the tubes were gone now. She didn't need them anymore.

"Amy, Ty, I know that this decision is impossible to make. But you need to consider taking Carlotta off the life support. Her brain won't recover. I always told you that I will be honest with you so I'm telling you now that what ever happens now is distress and suffering for your daughter without an outcome. I'm so sorry", she repeated herself professional enough to keep it together but too human to stay absolutely functional at that point.

"Ty, I...", Amy whispered. He looked at her and then at their daughter. She was so small. Just a hand full.

"Yes", he whispered back, knowing what she was trying to say, "We will... We don't want her to suffer", Ty said to Dr Roberts, a tear streaming down his cheek.

"OK."

Amy and Ty were led into a room with a bed that fit both of them. Carlotta was taken off life support. They said she would be able to survive for a couple of minutes.

Amy held her in her arms and Ty held both of his girls in his. They were crying.

"I love you so, so much, little girl", Amy whispered, "but you can go now. Getting to know you was the best thing that happened to us and where you are going now is going to be a better place for you. Your grandmas will be waiting for you and we will always be with you", Amy cried.

Ty stroke over Carlotta's nose: "Yes, you won't be alone sweet girl. We will always love you and no day will pass without us thinking about you I promise you that."

And then Carlotta opened her eyes once as if she tried to say "I love you too". Then she closed her eyes and never opened them again.

Amy and Ty were able to hold her as long as they wanted to. They stayed with their daughter for hours. She finally looked like she had found peace, no tubes, no wires sticking out of her body. Amy and Ty shed tears until there were no tears left. Their hearts felt so full and empty at the same time, the pain was worse than anything they had ever experienced.

* * *

"NO! NO, no, no! That can't be, this can't be happening!"  
"Jack? JACK! Wake up!" Lisa ordered her dreaming husband to leave his nightmare behind him.  
"This can't be happening", Jack still whispered.  
"It's not", Lisa sat up on her side of the bed, "everything is going to be OK, do you hear me? The girls are going to be fine."

And then it hit Jack. He had been dreaming. It was a nightmare. Nothing more.  
Then his phone rang...

* * *

_Hey everybody, _

_thank you for all the reviews I received for the last chapters, I appreciate them all and I hope that lots of them will come. _

_Now, back to this fanfiction: Lets just say I had different plans and then I couldn't pull through. So, every input from your side is very welcome and I will take my time to figure out where this storyline is going myself._

_Plus I would like to ask you all how you like the new Heartland season? Why do they keep splitting Ty and Amy up at this point? Shouldn't their relationship be strong enough to handle a kiss from Ahmed? Very frustrating! _


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_NO! NO, no, no! That can't be, this can't be happening!"  
"Jack? JACK! Wake up!" Lisa ordered her dreaming husband to leave his nightmare behind him.  
"This can't be happening", Jack still whispered.  
"It's not", Lisa sat up on her side of the bed, "everything is going to be OK, do you hear me? The girls are going to be fine."_

_And then it hit Jack. He had been dreaming. It was a nightmare. Nothing more._  
_Then his phone rang..._

Jack was still too caught in his dream to pick up his phone so Lisa took the call instead. There was no caller ID. "Hello?"  
"Jack?"  
"No, this is Lisa Stillman", Lisa explained still in a sleepy voice.  
"It's me, Tim!"  
"Tim? Why are you calling in the middle of the night? Where are you?"  
Now Jack was fully away and looked at his wife with a questioning look on his face.  
"That's kind of a long story", Tim lulled.  
"Are you drunk?" Lisa asked, getting midly annoyed.  
"Can you pick me up, please?" Tim asked instead of answering Lisa's question.  
Lisa turned the phone on speaker so that Jack could hear what the father of his granddaughters was saying.  
"I'm in jail", Tim explained, screaming into his phone at that point.  
"What? Why?"  
"I told you, it's a long story. Can you just come and pick me up?"  
"Where exactly are you?" Lisa asked and then Tim told her where he was..

"Since when is he drinking again", Lisa asked Jack, sitting on her side of the bed while Jack was lying on his back, feeling no urge at all to leave his comfortable bed, especially after his nerve-wracking dream.

"Since today, I guess", he grunted, "You know, the right thing to do is to leave him in there for a night."  
"He's not a teenager, Jack. We don't need to teach him a lesson right now", Lisa commented while getting out of the bed and putting on clothes. It was obvious that Jack had no intention of doing so as well.  
"His daughter and granddaughter are in hospital, fighting for their life and what is Tim doing? Getting drunk. That douchbag", Jack murmured.  
"Go to sleep, I'll handle it", Lisa stopped the discussion, not feeling like having an argument with her husband right now.

The sun was already starting to rise when Lisa finally dropped Tim of at his place. By then he was as good as sober again and felt bad for calling Jack and Lisa in the middle of the night. "  
"Thank you, Lisa", he said as he opened the cardoor.  
"You're welcome", Lisa smiled tired, "next time, call before you get drunk somewhere and try to drive home by yourself. God knows what would have happened if the police wouldn't have stopped you!"  
"Yeah", was all that Tim could say, "Thanks again." Then Julia, Tim's girlfriend appeared on the doorsteps of the house and Tim knew immediately that he was in trouble.

At the hospital Amy was impatiently waiting for Ty, Maylin and Jase to arrive. The doctor has been with her that morning and told her that if all of the test results of that day were clear, she was finally able to go home.  
It has been three weeks since she hasn't slept in her own bed, hasn't been around at Heartland and even it didn't feel right for her to leave Carlotta alone in the hospital she was exhausted by staying in the hospital bed for so long and of course she would be by her baby's side every day anyway.

"Hey mommy", a high, cute children's voice, belonging to Maylin, said while the door opened slowly.  
"Hello sweetheart", Amy smiled as her family was walking in.  
"How are you feeling?" Ty asked as he kissed his wife on her forehead.  
"Pretty good actually", Amy kept smiling, "actually, if all the test results come back clear, you can take me home today!"  
"Oh my god, that's amazing", Ty beamed and kissed her on the mouth once more.  
"Did you hear that?" He asked the twins who were busy unpacking their little backpacks. Since they all have spent many hours at the hospital, Maylin and Jase have made it a habit to bring toys and games with them in case it gets boring.  
"What?" Jase asked, barely looking up from his book.  
"Mommy might be coming home tonight", Ty repeated.  
"And the baby?" Maylin looked up.  
"No, Carlotta will need to stay here much longer", Amy explained, "it's just going to be me."  
"I think that's really good because then we can make everything ready for Lotta, right?" Maylin smiled and crawled under the blanket next to Amy.  
"Right", Ty smiled.  
Then Amy slowly changed out of her pajama into comfortable clothes and the family made their way to see Carlotta. There Carlotta's pediatrician Dr Wilder informed Amy and Ty with all the recent news that regarded their daughter.  
"She is doing really well at the moment. The lungs are developing very fine, she is putting on weight, she has started to open her eyes – these are all things a baby should be doing at 26 weeks. Right now the most important thing is that she keeps taking all the steps a baby needs to take in order to develop fully. Hopefully next week Carlotta will start to regulate her body temperature, her lungs should keep getting stronger. As you know, it's still a long way to go."  
"But it sounds like she is doing really well", Ty smiled.  
"She is exactly where she should be", Dr Wilder smiled as well while Amy glanced at her youngest with pride in her eyes. "How are you doing?" Dr Wilder asked Amy. Her main job was to take care of the children but Dr Wilder liked to get a picture of the parents state every once in a while since they were going threw every parents nightmare.  
"Fine", Amy answered, "I'm just glad Carlotta is doing so good."  
"You are probably going to be released soon, right?" Dr Wilder asked.  
"Yeah", Amy smiled.  
"That's great", Dr Wilder said and then excused herself.

"Can you believe it?" Amy said while carefully stroking Carlotta's tiny hand, "Two weeks ago we thought there might not be a tomorrow and now I'm already dreaming of having her home on Christmas."  
"Don't get your hopes up too high, honey. As long as she is having Christmas at home next year and gets stronger now, everything will be good. Are you sure you are OK?" Ty asked concerned as Amy slowly sat down on the armchair that stood next to the incubator.  
"Yes, I'm fine. Really, don't look at me light that", Amy laughed, "I'm just a bit tired, that's all."  
"Maybe we should get you back to your room", Ty said and was already indicating to get Maylin's and Jase's attention who were currently having a blast in the hallway with one of the hospital's interns.  
"Ty, relax. I'm fine, remember? I'm going to be released today."  
"That doesn't mean you are 100% yourself again and you know it", Ty argued. Amy sighted: "Lets not argue about this, OK? I promise you, I won't do anything that is going that is going to risk my health, believe me, I have spent more time in the hospital than I can bear."  
"I know."  
"Lets concentrate on our kids now, please?"  
"OK", Ty gave in and kissed Amy on the top of her head.  
"Lets get some lunch, May and Jase must be hungry", Ty murmured.

Back at Heartland Lisa finally woke up. She had been sleeping again after she drove Tim home form jail and now noticed that she slept through three meetings that she should have participated.  
"Damned", she cursed and quickly got out of her pajamas.  
In the kitchen Jack was going threw the mail.  
"Jack, why didn't you wake me?" Lisa complained.  
"Because you had two nights of sleep last night and maybe four the nights before – human beings need sleep in order to function, Lisa."  
"If you are so concerned about my sleeping habits then you could have gotten up tonight yourself to pick up Tim. Now I have missed three meetings", Lisa kept complaining.  
"I told them that you wouldn't be able to come and that they should postpone them."  
"You did?" Lisa asked surprised, sitting down with a coffee on the other side of the small kitchen table.  
"Of course I did", Jack murmured in his deep voice, "I'm sorry I let you drive tonight. I was just so mad at Tim that I didn't think straight."  
"Well, anyway, you are forgiven."  
"So, what did he do?"  
"Tim? He drank and drove and got caught", Lisa explained very shortly.  
"That idiot. Has two daughters, five grandchildren and a girlfriend that need him and he still doesn't know what it takes to take care of a family."  
"Why are you being so hard on him?" Lisa asked, seriously wondering why Jack was absolutely not tolerating Tim's mistake at all, while he probably wouldn't react that badly if it would concern anyone else in the family.  
"Hard? This guy has been down that road once before! I can't believe he is drinking again! With everything that has been going on."  
"It must be hard on him too, you know. His daughter almost didn't make it, his granddaughter is still fighting for her life – he is still an addict, trying to do the best he can."  
"Well, this time his best wasn't good enough."  
"Do you think he's really going down that road again?"  
"Honestly, I don't know", Jack answered, "But for everyone's sake – I hope not."  
"He has Julia this time. She might be able to keep him on a good path."  
"Yeah", Jack agreed without convincing Lisa.

Then the phone rang again.  
"I'll get it", Jack said and took the call.  
"Ty, hi. - Really? - Oh, that's great. - Yeah, we will. - OK. - Yes. - Thank you, Ty. - See you later, bye."

"What's going on?" Lisa asked after Jack hung up.  
"Amy is going to be released today", Jack answered.  
"Oh my god, that is amazing", Lisa smiled.

For those of you who didn't get it right away: NO, Carlotta DIDN'T die, poor Jack just had a terrible nightmare. The baby is fine!

Thank you for all your support, I hope you'll keep reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**_Happy new year, everyone! I hope you all had great and relaxing holidays and are able to enjoy this new chapter. _**

**_I have created Julia's character long before the Heartland TV Show introduced us to Casey. She is so much like I would have imagined Julia that I was wondering whether or not I should change "Julia's" name to Casey? I would appreciate it if some of you would take the time to tell me what you think about that - if you would like to. _**

Chapter 7

As soon as the good news reached Lou, she let things as they were and decided to drive over to Amy's house to make her favorite meal. Even though Carlotta's future was still uncertain Lou felt positive that if Amy made it home, so will her daughter.  
On the way to Heartland she stopped by at her father's ranch to check whether or not he already knew about Amy's homecoming.

Lou carefully opened the front door and called Tim.  
"Dad? Julia? Helloo?"  
Nothing.  
"DAD?" she called again, this time a bit louder. Still nothing. Lou lay her keys down on the kitchen table and then made her way to the living room where she didn't find Tim. Lou called his name again and started to regret that she didn't simply call her father. He was usually around the house at that time of the day so Lou was slightly disappointed when she didn't find him anywhere.  
_I guess I gotta call him after all, _Lou thought and quickly dialed Tim's number. But instead of hearing his voice on the other side of the phone she heard Tim's phone ringing somewhere in the house. Lou followed the ringing and ended up in a bathroom where she found her father passed out next to the toilet.  
"Dad? DAD! Are you OK?" Lou shook Tim's arm until he made a grunting sound.  
"Come on dad, get up", Lou kept waking him up and finally Tim opened his eyes and got into a sitting position while leaning against the wall.  
"Are you sick?" Lou asked with puckered brows. Her dad looked like death on two legs. Every color in his face seemed to have disappeared.  
"Yeah", Tim murmured very slowly. Only mumbling one word was enough for Lou to understand what was going on.  
"You are not sick, are you?" Lou hissed, smelling Tim's boozy breath, "You are hung over!"  
"Lou, please give me a break, will you?" Tim begged, trying to get out of this conversation as soon as possible so that he could continue sleeping.  
"What are you doing dad?" Lou asked desperately, suddenly feeling like the little child that she was so many years ago when her father was in the same condition every day as he was now.  
"I'm not drinking again, Lou, I promise. Everything is under control, I just had a little bit too much fun, OK?" Tim defended himself.  
Without saying another word, Lou helped her father up and supported him to his bedroom where he lay down again.  
Lou got him some water and when she was just about to get something against the headaches she hesitated. Tim had a history with all of those great numbing medications so she decided to let the pain medications disappear. Just in case...  
She sat down at the food of Tim's bed and said: "Don't do this, ever again. I can't bear seeing you like that again, do you hear me? You have so many people that need you."  
"I know", Tim mumbled, trying hard not to fall asleep, "I promise."  
"Good. Does Julia now you got drunk?"  
"Sort of."  
"Good", Lou really liked Julia, as did the rest of the family, and since Julia knew everything about Tim's history with drugs she felt like she wasn't the only one that was now responsible for watching her father.  
"I actually came by to tell you that Amy is getting released today."  
"Really? Oh man, that's great", Tim really did feel like a stone fell of his chest. He had been so worried about his daughter that it sometimes felt hard to breath.  
"Yeah. Ty is going to bring her home tonight, I'm going to make dinner. If you are in a good shape by then she will be very happy to see you. But don't come around like that. Grandpa is going to kill you", Lou demanded.  
"See you tonight, honey", Tim whispered before drifting of into a deep sleep.

When Lou left the house she felt a little bit like she just got cheated at by her father.

At the hospital Jack picked up Maylin and Jase after he checked in with his youngest great-grand-daughter.  
Jack kissed Amy on top of her head and said: "I'm so glad you are coming home tonight, Amy, you have to idea."  
"Thanks Grandpa – so am I."  
Then Jack left the hospital and Ty helped Amy to pack all of her stuff. When he started folding her clothes into a bag Amy said:  
"It's a strange feeling leaving Carlotta alone."  
"But we will spend the same amount of time with her as we did the last couple of weeks. Don't feel bad, Amy."  
"I know, but while staying here I was still near to her. What if something happens – it will take forever for us to get to the hospital."  
Ty let the bathrobe he had in his hands drop and sat down next do Amy, gently pulling her into a comforting hug: "Amy, nothing is going to happen – you heard Dr Wilder: Carlotta is doing great. We will come see her every day."  
"I know", Amy whispered while a tear escaped her eye, "I still feel like I'm ditching her. I get to go home and she needs to stay here. That's just not fair."  
It was Amy's first real breakdown since Carlotta was born and it made Ty's heart ache.  
"You are right, it's not fair. None of this was fair, Carlotta should have stayed inside of you until the end of the nine months, you should have been able to hold our baby after the birth – there are so many things that went wrong. But Amy: we can't change any of this, it was nobody's fault and all we can do at this point is helping Carlotta to get better so that we can bring her home soon. That doesn't mean you need to start moving in to the hospital for good", Ty smiled sadly, hoping that his words would calm Amy down a bit.  
Amy stopped sobbing – she knew her husband was right but sometimes it was hard to stay as strong as she needed to be for her family.  
"Now, lets get your stuff, kiss our baby girl goodnight and go home. Everyone is already waiting."  
"OK", Amy smiled and gently kissed Ty.

Ty was right – back at Heartland everyone was waiting impatiently for Amy's arrival. Lisa and Lou of course had outdone themselves to get the house in order again and to cook a fancy meal. Maylin and Jase even stepped in and cleaned their rooms up by themselves.  
"Is Julia able to come too?" Lisa asked Lou as she set the table.  
"She said she would be doing her best but she has a meeting tonight", Lou replied. Lou didn't know who knew about Tim's last drinking accident but she was guessing that there might be some tention between Julia and Tim right now. It would probably be better if that conflict wouldn't be brought to the dinner table.

But Julia did show up and so did Jack, Peter, Georgie, Kate and of course Lisa and Lou, Maylin and Jase.  
When Julia got to the house she looked quite a bit sheepish when she walked over to Lisa and said: "Thank you for tonight. You know, for picking Tim up. I didn't hear his twenty-five-thousand calls."  
"No problem at all", Lisa smiled, "How is he doing now?"  
"Fighting his hangover", Julia smiled sadly, "But he is still trying to make it tonight."  
"Good." Of course Lisa had many questions left she would have liked to asked Julia but she saw that it wasn't exactly the right timing since Ty's truck was already pulling in the drive way.

Everyone stormed out of the house, Jase ripped the car's door open and fell into his mothers arms.  
"Hey baby", Amy whispered into his blond hair that smelled so familiar like children-shampoo and fresh air.  
"Hey mommy", Jase mumbled back.  
"Are you happy I'm home?" Amy smiled.  
"Yeah, so happy", Jase smiled and then let go of his mother so she could get out of the truck. Then a hugging-marathon started and Amy was welcomed by everyone else.  
Not before everyone was sitting around the table with full plates did Amy notice that her father was missing. She decided not to mention it until later since she didn't want to ruin the mood for anyone.

During the dinner Maylin and Jase didn't let their mother out of sight once. They would cling to Amy's arms, follow her wherever she was going and question her many times whether or not she was really home for good. Amy had been so preoccupied with Carlotta and herself that she had barely thought about how tough it must have been for the twins during her hospital stay. But there was no time for feeling bad that night, the mood around the dinner table was blithesome.

"So, Carlotta is still doing good?" Julia asked.  
"Oh, she is an absolute star", Amy beamed with pride. Ty got out his phone and showed a recent picture of his daughter.  
"She is really doing as good as possible", he said, "the doctors are very happy with her development."  
"That's great", Peter smiled, who had a hard time imagining what Ty had been going threw – he had a wife and daughters too, the thought of anything happening to them was pure horrendously.

Just before Amy was about to excuse herself a truck pulled in the driveway and Tim entered the house.  
"Dad, you came", Amy greeted him and slowly stood up and let her father pull her into a gentle hug.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner, honey. I'm so glad you are doing better", Tim said and then greeted everyone else.  
"You want something to eat? We can heat you something up", Lou asked.  
"Yeah, that would be great, thank you, Lou", Tim agreed and sat down at the free place around the table.  
"So, where have you been?" Amy asked cheery.  
"Uhm, I had an important meeting to attend but I left early", Tim lied to his daughters face. Julia, Lou, Jack, Lisa and Peter who all knew the truth tried their best to play along. But since Amy had not idea about what has been going on around Heartland she let the theme go and told her father everything about Carlotta's new milestones.

A little later Amy was lying in her own bed, sending her youngest baby a goodnight kiss. It was hard imagining that Carlotta was lying all alone in the hospital even thought of course there were nurses watching her 24/7.

That way the next two weeks passed. Amy and Ty were going back and forth to the hospital to be with their daughter and desperately trying to have enough time for Maylin and Jase. Amy was healing well so soon she was able to drive to the hospital by herself again and she and Ty took turns – one was with Carlotta and one with the twins.  
It was exhausting for both of them. Of course the family stepped in, Lou, Jack, Lisa and Peter did everything they could to help the young couple cope.

Carlotta was doing fine though. She was almost 16 inches long now and looked a lot more human than she did after she was born.  
Then finally one day when Amy and Ty were visiting Carlotta and telling her tales about Heartland Dr Wilder came by and said: "Amy, Ty – it's good to see you. I have been hoping that you come by today. Your little fighter is doing so much better that I thought it might be a good time to start kangaroo care."  
"Oh my god, really? Already? She is still so tiny", Amy replied with sparkling eyes.  
"Really. It'll be good for her and I bet you wanna hold your baby girl?"  
"Of course", Amy and Ty replied at the same time.  
"Who wants to go first?" Dr Wilder asked.  
"You do it", Ty told Amy, feeling like it would be wrong to hold Carlotta before Amy.  
"OK", Amy smiled and soon everything was set up and Dr Wilder carefully handed the tiny baby to her mother for the first time. Amy's heart beat fast when she finally got to hold her daughter, Carlotta was still so small that Amy was scared to do something wrong. She had had that same feeling after the twins were born - they were twice as big than Carlotta was now.  
Carlotta lay directly on Amy's bare chest where she was kept warm by Amy's body temperature and covered by a blanked. Of course Carlotta was still hooked to all the machines that kept her healthy but Ty couldn't help himself but thought that she looked much more like a baby.  
At the same time Amy couldn't help herself but let herself cry a couple of happy tears. 

The time in which Amy was allowed to hold her daughter went by fast. It felt like only seconds have past when Dr Wilder came back and announced that it was time for Carlotta to get back into the incubator.  
"How did it feel?" Dr Wilder asked.  
"Oh, it was wonderful", Amy beamed with happiness.  
"Good", the doctor smiled.  
"I know you don't want to make any assumptions right now but do you have any idea when we can take Carlotta with us?" Ty asked carefully. Dr Wilder had made it clear numerous times before that she can't promise anything regarding Carlotta's health and that she would never guess on how the future might look if it wasn't at least 90% sure. Too often did something unexpected happen that threw everything in shambles.  
"You know I don't like to make presumptions", Dr Wilder sighted, "As I said before, Carlotta is doing well. But there is still so much that needs to develop. Her lungs sacs need to form so that she can breath without support, her body fat needs to increase, the intestines need to develop, her eyesight is still developing and it might take some time until she can handle the normal bright light. What I'm trying to say is that even though Carlotta is exactly where she should be there are many possible risks that we might need to face that make it quiet hard to say when you can take her home. If everything goes absolutely right maybe in eight to nine weeks. Stay patient and face on day at a time."  
"We will", Amy smiled, "I'm still hoping she will be our little Christmas miracle this year and gets home before Christmas", she admitted.  
"As far as I can say you already have a little Christmas miracle", Carlotta's pediatrician said smiling before she left.  
"Come on, honey – let's go home", Ty smiled and took his wife's hand. 

The next day Amy finally took the time to drive by Tim's place. She had been so occupied that whenever it came to her mind that everyone was behaving quiet weird around him something else needed her attention. But now Ty was with Maylin and Jase and Carlotta was in good hands as well, everything at Heartland had been running without a problem, even without Amy working at the moment their finances were good enough. Having worked for Ahmed had given Amy's career the necessary push to get Heartland to a point where they could ask for more payment from clients, the waiting list was full and Amy had several offers to work with renowned horses.  
In fact Amy was able to decline every request of leisure riders and concentrate fully on successful professional horse riders and their horses but after all that wouldn't be Amy. She took on cases following her heart, not the paychecks.  
Her mind was drifting of to one mail she had just opened. A potential client had sent her a video of his horse that was terribly afraid of dogs what made any ride to a possibly dangerous situation. She had to force herself to get these pictures out of her head. It was her family that needed her the most right now.  
Then she got out of her truck and walked towards the door.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Amy took a deep breath in and took a short moment to enjoy the clear, cold and refreshing air that entered her lungs. She had spent so many weeks in hospital that the fresh air still seemed like a gift to her sometimes. Just as Amy walked up the stairs that led to the porch Julia stormed out of the house.  
"Julia, hey", Amy greeted her with a friendly smile. It appeared like Julia was caught in her thoughts, she barely looked up when she greeted Amy with a hushed hello. Amy looked at her father's girlfriend with puckered brows: "Are you OK?"  
"Yeah", Julia stopped walking towards her car and looked into Amy's eyes, "but you really shouldn't go in there right now."  
"Why?" Amy questioned.  
"He's not doing so good."  
"Julia, what's going on? What are you talking about?" Amy asked calm, trying not to sound too worried.  
Julia sighted and walked back to the house where Amy was standing.  
"You have no idea, do you?" Julia asked.  
"About what?"  
"I really don't want to get into your family business here, Amy. You have enough on your plate and I'm sure the rest of the family has a very good reason for not telling you –"  
"- telling me what?" Amy demanded to know impatiently.  
"Tim has been drinking again", Julia cut to the chase.  
Amy's face dropped. She thought her father might be sick or broke or anything else but relapsing.  
"Since when?" she asked with a raspy voice.  
"Why don't we go inside and I'll make us some tea?" Julia suggested and led Amy inside the house instead of answering her question.  
Amy sat down at the kitchen table and looked around the room. She hasn't spent much time at Tim's house, he was at Heartland most of the time anyway. But she could tell that things have changed anyhow. Beer bottles were badly hidden in the trash, a fine layer of dust covered everything besides the microwave and coffee machine and footprints of dirt covered the floor as if someone had been too lazy to take the shoes off before entering the house. Or maybe too rushed? Too busy? Or maybe just too drunk, Amy thought while accepting the steaming cup of tea from Julia. Then she wondered why it looked that way - wasn't Julia supposed to be living here?  
"Thanks", Amy said.  
"So, where should we start?" Julia asked with a sad smile.  
"Where is dad now?"  
"He's sleeping upstairs."  
"When has this started?" Amy kept interrogating Julia.  
"Pretty much at the same time when you were hospitalized. Maybe a bit earlier, I'm not sure."  
"How bad is it?" Amy wanted to know.  
"I'm not sure about that either. He's still doing his work and on some days he seems to be sober. But then there are days like today…"  
"God, why has no one told me anything? We need to do something about this before its too late."  
"Everyone was worried about you and Carlotta – I'm sure they didn't want you to freak out about this. I'm not even sure whether or not everyone knows. But what I do know is that I can't convince him to do anything about this. Whenever I try to talk to him he walks away or promises to stop or gets furious", Julia admitted.  
"So this is really serious", Amy whispered more to herself than to Julia.  
"I guess so", Julia nodded with tears glistening in her eyes, "You know Amy, my father is an alcoholic too. But he isn't like Tim. He is angrier, unpredictable and an aggressive nasty piece of work. I grew up trying to read an alcoholics mind, trying to figure out how to help him so that our family could be a happy family with more good sides than bad sides – like I saw them when I visited my friends. Not until I moved out and got older did I understand that my father needs to realize himself that what he does is wrong so that he can change. He still doesn't accept that he's an addict and needs help. I know your dad's good side though. I know that he is a good man and that he is only doing this because he can't handle the thought of losing you, or your child. Don't forget that he loves you with his whole heart, OK?"

By now Amy was crying silent tears. She didn't even know herself why but the tears kept coming. Then Amy started to sob, crocodile tears streamed down her face and Julia wrapped her into a comforting hug.  
"Hey, it's going to be OK", Julia whispered.  
"It's just..", Amy sobbed, "It's just hard to be so unshakable optimistic all the time… Just when I thought things would get better with Carlotta this happens."  
"I know it's a lot. But Amy, keep focusing on your baby girl. We got this. You don't need to worry about Tim too much right now. I'll stay with him and try to get him back on solid ground, this is really not your job. Go be with your family for now and I'll keep you updated, OK?"  
"Thank you so much, Julia. I don't know that we would do without you", Amy smiled sadly.  
"You don't have to thank me - just promise me not to loose your hope now."  
"I promise."  
Then Julia had to leave and Amy sat alone at her father's kitchen table, slowly sipping her tea. She sat like that for minutes, trying to figure out what to do now. When Amy finished her tea she realized that she still didn't know what to do so she got up and walked into Tim's bedroom where he was almost completely covered by his messy sheets.  
"Dad?" Amy asked, hoping that he would wake up bright and sober. But instead she had to hit him on his shoulders a couple of times until he finally opened his eyes.  
"DAD!"  
"Amy?!" Tim grunted.  
Amy sat down at the end of the bed.  
"Dad, what are you doing?"  
"What? I… Gosh, what time is it?" Tim did his best to get into a sitting position.  
"After noon."  
"What are you doing here?" Tim asked.  
"Dad, why are you doing this to yourself?" Amy confronted Tim right away.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You know what I mean. The drinking."  
"I'm just not feeling well honey, don't worry about me. Just a cold", Tim lied straight to her face.  
"Don't lie to me, Dad. I spoke to Julia."  
"Oh Jesus", Tim grunted, rolling her eyes, "so yes, I had a beer or two, but there is absolutely nothing for you to worry about, I promise."  
"Don't promise me anything you can't hold", Amy hissed.  
"Amy, just leave it, OK? I'm telling you, I'm fine. Everything is fine. I just need a couple of hours of sleep and we will see each other tonight at Jack's dinner, all right?"  
"Whatever you say", Amy whispered and walked out the room. She slammed the doors behind her until she got in her truck.  
Amy was furious. Absolutely furious. She felt like a powerless child that had to accept every decision her parents made without ifs and buts. That made her even more furious since Amy was everything but a kid.  
She started the truck and called Lou on her way back home.  
"DID YOU KNOW?!" she screamed as soon as Lou picked up.  
"Whoa, what? Amy?"  
"DID YOU KNOW?" Amy asked again.  
"Know what?"  
"ABOUT DAD!"  
"What do you mean, Amy?" Lou asked. She was in the middle of making lunch for the girls and had no idea what her sister was talking about until it hit her. Of course. How could she forget?  
"THE DRINKING?!" Amy kept yelling.  
"Uh, well, yes, I mean…", Lou stuttered.  
"I cannot believe this", Amy hissed, "How could you keep this from me?!"  
"Amy, you were lying in hospital, fighting for your life and for Carlotta's. I didn't want you to worry about him too."  
"Well, I'm worried. So I guess your plan didn't work out", Amy answered coldly and hung up without another word.  
She was almost at Heartland when she remembered that she was supposed to be at the hospital to get a checkup.  
"Damned", Amy cursed and then dialed Ty's number. Even though she wanted to talk to him in person she couldn't wait that long to find out whether or not he has been hiding this from her too.  
"Amy?" Ty answered his phone.  
"Did you know too?" Amy asked straight up.  
"Know what? Is everything OK?"  
"About my dads drinking?"  
"Amy, what do you mean? Are you OK?" Ty asked, getting alarmed by Amy's stressed out voice.

"No, no, I'm not OK. Dad is drinking again and taking god knows what and nobody told me! So, did you know too?!"  
"What?! NO, I had NO idea, Amy, believe me. Gosh, that's awful, he was doing so great."  
"I just drove by his place, he was lying in bed, drunk", Amy held back the tears that were dreading to overwhelm her. She remembered how Tim had lost everything once before due to his addiction and she dreaded that it was going to happen again.  
"Amy, where are you?"  
"I'm driving to my doctor's appointment and I'm going to see Carlotta afterwards."  
"You are really upset – why don't you come home and I will drive you", Ty suggested worrying about his wife's safety.  
"No, I'm already late. I'm OK", Amy said, "I'll see you later."  
"OK. Be careful, Love. Everything is going to be OK. I'll come by the hospital later to see Carlotta."  
"'kay. See you there."  
"I love you", Ty said.  
"Love you too".

At the hospital Amy was able to leave her anger behind. She was with Carlotta and was stunned by her little girl. She was almost 29 weeks now and developing amazing. She looked like a real human now, fine hair has started to cover her small head, she started to blink what looks absolutely adorable, the doctors said that her body is starting to control its temperature itself now and that her brain is making massive progress. She is even able to suck on a pacifier for short periods of time and loves it to feel her momma's and daddy's heartbeat every time they get to hold her.

It was already late when Amy was getting ready for bed and Ty turned off his laptop. He checked if the twins were asleep and then fell on his side of the bed sighting loudly.  
"Everything OK?" Amy asked laughing softly about the sounds her husband made, "you sound like grandpa."  
"Thanks", Ty chuckled, "yeah, I'm fine. Carlotta looked good today, didn't she? Almost like May when she was born."  
"Yeah, she starts to look like a healthy, little baby girl, doesn't she?" Amy agreed. She brushed her hair and then finally got into bed too.  
"So, you wanna tell me what's going on with Tim now?" Ty asked.  
"There is not much to tell", Amy replied and told him everything she knew.  
"Man… That's messed up. Then that's why he wasn't at Jack's today. I really thought he got it all together. I always knew when my mom was about to relapse but your dad seemed to stable."  
"Urhg, I don't know. I was so wrapped up with everything that has been going on with Carlotta that I haven't spent a second thinking about anyone else", Amy admitted.  
"Don't blame yourself. Don't you dare blame yourself, Amy. This is not your fault", Ty said energetic.  
"I'm just so mad at him. I can't understand why he is doing this", Amy said frustrated.  
"I know how you feel. Every time it happened with mom I just wanted to punch her in the face and force her into a rehab facility. It sucks."  
Amy chuckled about her husband choice of words: "Yeah, that's one way to put it – it sucks. Jeez, why can't things be easy for once?"  
"Because that would be just too easy", Ty tried to cheer Amy up and then wrapped his arms around her, "It's going to be all right."  
"I know", Amy whispered and just before falling asleep wondered whether Lisa and Jack knew about Tim's relapse.

A few hours later Amy was woken up by a little hand shaking stroking her hair.  
"Mommy?"  
"May, why aren't you asleep?" Amy recognized her daughter.  
"Because I can't sleep."  
Amy lifted up the sheets and let Maylin curl up to a ball by her side.  
"Why can't you sleep?" Amy asked whispering.  
"I was dreaming that they would take you away again", Maylin whispered, her hands fingering constantly on her stuffed animal.  
"Who took me away?"  
"The people in the hospital. They took you away and they wanted to do it again."  
"Oh honey, you mean the doctors?" Amy asked, figuring out that her daughter was apparently still not over the fact that Amy had to leave them alone for a couple of weeks.  
"Baby, they didn't take me away. They made me all better so that I could come back to you and be your mommy", Amy explained whispering.  
On the other side of the bed Ty woke up but didn't move. He didn't want to destroy the intimate moment between his wife and daughter and was touched by their words.  
"But now you have to go there every day", Maylin complained week.  
"Yes, that's true – but that's not because the doctors want to take me away from you. You know your baby sister is still sick and daddy and I are visiting her every day."  
"Do you love her more than Jase and me then?"  
"What? No, no honey, no we don't love her more than you. Not at all. We love her just as much as we love you. We would do the same thing for you and your brother, you know. It's just that Carlotta is alone at the hospital a lot because daddy and I need to be here and because we don't want her to feel alone one of us always tries to be with her. Just as much as we don't want you and Jase to be alone."  
"Hm", Maylin made, her little brain processing all those complicated things her mothers told her.  
"I promise you, I love you so, so much. And hopefully your baby sister will be here with us very soon so that we can be a real family and be together all the time."  
Ty turned around and carefully laid an arm around Amy's waist to show her that she is not alone in this complicated situation.  
"Mommy is right", he said, "we love you so much and nothing will ever change that."  
"Okay", Maylin whispered, feeling save and protected by her parents. Then Jase walked into the room, his hair sticking out in all directions making him look like a little sea-urchin.  
He didn't say a word and simply crawled into the bed on Ty's side.  
"We love you too, little cowboy", Ty whispered into his ears before Jase fell asleep.  
"Do you think we should have talked to them about this more?" Amy asked after she made sure that both kids were asleep.  
"I think they are going to be OK", Ty said instead of answering the question, "but I do think we should make time to go on a ride or something all together. I think they need to feel that we still love them as much as we did before Carly was born."  
"Yeah", Amy whispered, snuggling up to Ty with Maylin in her arm.  
"It's going to be OK, Amy. Hang in there a little longer. We'll have her home soon", Ty whispered. He knew that Amy wanted to be strong for everybody else but he also knew by experience that their situation made it so very hard not to break down every once in a while and cry.  
"I love you", Amy whispered. Ty kissed her forehead and then both fell asleep.

_Wuhuu, I finally updated!  
I'm not sure how many of you are still with me regarding the lack of reviews but those of you who still read this: Thank you for waiting such a long time for this new chapter, I hope it doesn't disappoint you. Please make sure to leave a short review so that I know there are still some of you enjoying this. If there is anything you want me to write about - just write it down.  
Be save everyone!_

_PS: Sorry about the change of lettering, I somehow can't change it._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Damned, when did it get so cold?! _Amy thought as she walked out of the house. She could see her own breath building white clouds in the cold air. It was still early, Ty and the kids were having breakfast and Amy decided to give a hand with feeding the horses. Winter was just around the corner and that meant almost twice as much work than before. She enjoyed being outside, even enjoyed not having sticky fingers tapping on her legs, craving for her attention. Amy almost felt like she did seven years ago, when she could walk out of the house whenever she wanted and go for a ride. _I would never go back to that, though, _Amy thought.

She walked into the barn where Jack was stroking one of the many cats that were strolling around Heartland.  
"Good morning, Grandpa", Amy said.  
"Amy, you are up early today. Good morning", Jack smiled and very quickly kissed her on one cheek.  
"You are in a good mood", Amy laughed but didn't mind. She could use some positive spirit around her.

They started working around the barn silently, enjoying the peaceful morning. Amy forced herself not to think about Tim, her in hospital lying daughter or anything else distressing. But Amy's effort wasn't enough – a little later she felt the urge to talk to Jack about Tim.  
"Grandpa? Do you have a minute?" she asked. Jack interrupted grooming Paint: "Sure. What's wrong?"  
"Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. I went over to Dad's yesterday because I felt like something was wrong with him, there I ran into Julia who was absolutely devastated because – Dad was drunk. And it obviously wasn't the first time and then I talked to Lou who already knew and kept it from me", Amy rambled. Then she noticed her Grandfather's sheepish look.  
"Oh my god," she hissed, "YOU KNEW! I cannot believe this family!"  
"Amy, listen, I'm sorry. We didn't want to keep this from you because… I don't know what to say. We didn't want you to worry about Tim with everything that's going on with Carlotta", Jack explained. He did feel terrible. It was nearby that Amy found out before Tim got himself together but he wished that Amy didn't know anyway.

"I can't hear it anymore. Why don't you just stop worrying about me worrying about something because in the end I'm worrying about every damn thing anyhow!" Amy was furiously staring at Jack, "I can't believe you guys! Seriously – how could you think I didn't want to know about this? HE IS STILL MY FATHER."  
"I know. I'm sorry. Really. We didn't want to hurt you, Amy", Jack apologized again.  
"I need to go. The kids need to get to kindergarten", Amy said calm with a voice that was as cold as ice.  
"Amy, please", Jack tried to hold her back.  
"Leave me alone."

Jack and Amy barely ever fought. They get along, they understad each other. That's why Jack felt like his world was shattered. He knew he should have talked to her. He wanted to protect her from something he couldn't protect her from._ In the end, the truth comes out_, that what he always said himself. He decided to call Lou. She always knew what to do when it came to fights.

A little later that day Ty and Amy visited Carlotta again. The drive to the hospital already felt like the drive to kindergarten, so familiar, every day the same. The hospital staff felt like family, always there, always the same faces, always the same reassuring smiles. Only Carlotta seemed to change. Amy once said to Ty how weird it was to see their daughter growing outside the womb when she was supposed to be growing inside of her. Like watching a baby grow in a test-tube.  
That day a nurse pulled Amy and Ty aside before they stepped into the room where Carlotta lay.  
"How is she?" Amy asked immediately.  
"She's not having a very good day. She has a bit of a fever – nothing for you to worry about, we are already treading it and keeping an even closer eye on her. Just so you don't wonder why she isn't as active today as usual."  
"Are you sure we don't need to worry?" Ty asked, of course worrying.  
"You should ask Dr. Wilder for more details, but right now I don't see a reason to panic", the nurse smiled and left them alone.  
"She didn't seem too competent", Amy grunted.  
"Let's go see her", Ty said instead of saying anything about Amy's snarky comment. Later Dr. Wilder told them pretty much the same as the nurse has told them before.  
_Nothing to worry about, _Amy thought, _if anyone says that one more time I might explode! _

At Heartland Lisa took of her fancy working clothes and changed into something more comfortable. It had been a stressful day and she craved a glass of good wine and something deliciously unhealthy to eat. When she joined Jack on the couch she already knew by his face expression that it wasn't time to relax yet.  
"What's wrong?" she asked sighting.  
"Nothin'", Jack murmured without looking up from his book.  
"Jack, I'm too tired to talk around the bushes. So, what's wrong?" she asked in a slightly annoyed tone, filling her glass a bit fuller than usual. Jack noticed that and very gently lay his hand on hers to stop her.  
"What are you doing?" Lisa asked with puckered brows, getting really annoyed now.  
"Sorry. I just...", and then Jack explained his fight with Amy about her ALCOHOLIC father, "which is why I can't handle you drinking a bottle of wine yourself tonight", Jack smiled sadly, hoping that she got his ironic tone at the end of his monologue. Of course Lisa understood. She understood Amy, she understood Jack and she was afraid that Amy might be angry at her too when she found out that it was Lisa who picked Tim up at the police after he got behind the wheel after drinking.  
"What a year", she sighted.  
"Yeah, what a year", Jack agreed, "feels like not much good came out of it."  
"Oh come on Mr. Pessimist, it wasn't ALL bad", Lisa said, "look at Carlotta, getting better and better every day."  
"Sure", Jack said slowly, "your glass is always half full instead of half empty, right?"  
"Jack, it's really not my fault you are fighting with Amy. I'm sorry, but I didn't keep you from talking to her about Tim. As a matter of fact I think YOU held me back from telling her."  
"Sorry", Jack murmured, cursing that day.

Another day passed and Amy ran into Jack again. It was still early and she was in no way ready to talk to him or Lou. As a matter of fact, Amy didn't feel like dealing with her alcoholic father at all that day – all her thoughts were with Carlotta. She was eager to drive to the hospital again to see her. When Maylin or Jase were sick there was no place on earth to be but by their side – same applied for Carlotta.

"Hey honey, can we talk?" Jack asked when he saw Amy coming into the stable.  
"Not right now", Amy side tired. She hasn't slept much – definitely not enough to have a fight or discussion.  
"Please, Amy. I'm sorry. But I can't change it now", Jack said.  
"I know. It doesn't change the way I feel, I'm sorry", Amy answered weak, "let's just have dinner together or something, OK?" she suggested, knowing that she had to compromise in order to not get the thousandth apology. She also didn't want her Grandpa to feel too bad. Of course she still loved him, of course she would forgive and forget sooner or later. There were so many things more important right now.  
"That sounds great", Jack smiled relieved and then asked: "Are you OK? I mean, besides everything that's going on? You seem…"  
"I'm fine, thanks", Amy cut him off, "gotta go now though."

It wasn't like Amy to be that cold. It wasn't anything her family would have suspected. But she couldn't fight it. That day Amy felt like someone has stolen all of her energy and all that was left was desperation.

On the way to the house Amy's phone rang.  
"Hello?" she answered without looking at the caller ID.  
"Mrs. Fleming?"  
"Yes?"

Jack looked out of the office window where he saw Amy walking towards her house. She took her phone out of her jacket and answered. Even without seeing her face Jack could tell that something terrible must have happened. Her entire body seemed to be pulled down to the ground and she had a hard time keeping balance. Jack dropped his own phone and ran outside.  
"AMY", he yelled, "AMY, what is it?"  
He finally reached her and offered her support.  
"It's Carlotta", Amy whispered as if she was in terrible pain, "we need to go."  
"Stay here", Jack ordered and ran towards the house where he found Ty in the kitchen, sitting on the livingroom's couch, dressing Maylin and Jase.  
"Ty, I'll take them to kindergarten. You need to go outside now. Amy is right in front of the barn", Jack tried to keep it together in front of the twins.  
Ty dropped the shoe he was about to put on Jase's food, stood up like a machine and walked towards Jack.  
"What is it?" he asked in horror.  
"It's Carlotta. Amy didn't say what exactly is going on by I think you really should get going", Jack answered. His last words were unheard by Ty. He had already grabbed his jacket and keys and had run out of the door.  
Seconds later he was by Amy's side. She was sitting on the cold ground, shaking and sobbing.  
"No, no, no", Ty whispered when he saw his wife. He kneed down next to her and just then did she realize his presence.  
"Amy, what's going on?"  
"The hospital called", she whispered, "we need to go", then she stood up.  
"Amy, what happened?" Ty wanted to know again while opening the trucks door for her.  
"We need to go", Amy whispered again.  
When Ty started the truck he asked in horror again: "Amy, please tell me what is going on with Carlotta!" It took all his strength to keep it together. He dreaded the worst.  
"Dr. Wilder said she apparently has that NEC we talked about after she was born", Amy explained, rushing to get the words out as if they made her physically sick.  
"That thing that happens when tissue in in intestine is injured or begins to die off and the intestine becomes inflamed?" Ty remembered in a throaty voice.  
"Yeah."  
"That's why she was feverish."  
"Yeah."  
Ty sighted.  
"No need to worry. If anyone says that ever again I'll take out my shotgun."

Ty drove so fast Amy started to worry they would never reach the hospital. There it was again. _Worrying, _she thought. That nasty feeling, making it hard to breath, to focus, absolutely impossible to eat or sleep or laugh. They did arrive at the hospital without an accident though. Dr. Wilder was already waiting for Amy and Ty.  
"What's going on?" Ty asked without greeting her.  
So Dr. Wilder explained that what Ty said before was right and that the intestine can no longer hold waste, so bacteria and other waste products pass through the intestine and enter the baby's bloodstream or abdominal cavity. She also said that necrotizing enterocolitis can cause a life-threatening infection.  
There it was again.

"So what are we going to do now", Amy asked fearfully.

"We are temporarily stopping all feedings and inserted a tube through the nose into Carlotta's stomach to remove air and fluid from the stomach and intestine. We are treating her with antibiotics to stop the infection and will make frequent examinations and X-rays of the abdomen to make sure that there is no perforation. If there is, she might need surgery, but it looks good right now. We need to see how she responds to the treatment for now. When everything goes right we can go back to her normal feeding schedule in a week."  
"I can't believe this", Amy whispered, "she was doing so good and now it seems like we took ten steps back."  
"I know it seems like a major setback", the doctor said, "but until Carlotta's birth there were no complications whatsoever. She was very lucky and has grown into a strong baby. She has all the right requirements to fight this."

Amy and Ty didn't leave her side. They didn't even notice that Lou, Jack and Lisa came to the hospital. Apparently Peter and Georgie took Maylin, Jase and Katie to a fishing trip.  
Amy watched her daughter like a hawk, afraid that she would stop fighting.  
Ty felt just as helpless as he did when Carlotta was born. There was just nothing for them to do than to hope.

_Hello everyone, thank you so much for your kind reviews for the last chapter, I didn't expect that AT ALL! What a nice surprise, thank you again. (I wouldn't mind if you keep them coming :))  
As a special thanks I really did my best to write this chapter as fast as possible. _

_I hope you like it, _

_take care everyone! _


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Amy blended out that she was angry with Lou and Jack and was happy that one after the other offered support and sat next to them beside Carlotta's bed.  
But eventually they had to leave and Amy and Ty spent the night alone with theirsick daughter. They didn't talk. Ty felt asleep and then Amy took a moment to pray. She didn't do that often, she actually never prayed aloud. But she needed a miracle.

_"Please don't take her. Please don't take her. Show me what I need to do, show me how to be a better person, I will do anything. But please don't take her away now. Please give her the strength to fight this. We can't lose her. She can't die. She is such a special girl, please, please, please, she has the right to live. I can't lose are we supposed to tell Maylin and Jase? I can not do this."_

When Amy drifted off into a nerve-racking sleep she dreamed of Carlotta sitting in front of Marion, riding through white things Amy couldn't identify. They were sitting on Pegasus and Carlotta was laughing loudly and free.  
Amy woke up sweating. _No mom, don't take her, _she thought.

At Heartland Lisa was lying awake in bed. Her mind kept racing, she couldn't stop thinking about Carlotta. She had no idea how Jack could sleep right now. On the other hand she knew he was a man that could fall asleep no matter what. One of the things she envied the most. Eventually Lisa got out of bed and threw Jack's shirt over. They were sleeping at Amy's and Ty's house because they were watching the twins and didn't want to take them out of their familiar surroundings at night.  
First Lisa sat down at the couch with a glass of wine and turned the TV on. But there was still this lump in her throat that wasn't going away. She stood up again and started walking up and down the room, restless.  
Her mind kept wandering to the daughters she has lost so many years ago.  
_Stop it,_ she thought_, this is not about them. This is about Carlotta, who is going to have a happy and long life. It's about her, not about you.  
_She told herself over and over again but her mind kept fighting to make it about her. To bring back the pictures of her dead daughters. Her brain forced her to imagine what would have been if they would have lived.  
Lisa didn't stop fighting against the pictures, she leaned against the wall next to the door that led to the bedroom in which Jack was sleeping peacefully and told herself that she was going to bed now and that she was going to sleep just as peaceful as her husband. But instead of walking into the bedroom she glided down the wall until she sat on the ground.  
That subdued noise was enough to wake Jack up. He didn't wonder why Lisa wasn't in bed with him, he thought that she probably had heard the noise too and checked if the kids were all right. He got up anyway to see if everything was OK.  
When he got out the room he jumped to the side, startled by Lisa's body curled up on the wall.  
"Lisa, what are you doing here?" he asked.  
"Can't sleep", Lisa whispered.  
"What's going on?" Jack asked.  
"I can't", Lisa started talking but started to cry. She hated herself for crying at that moment what made the tears come even more.  
"I can't… I can't….", she tried to talk.  
"Shh", Jack tried to sooth her and embraced her, "It's OK. It's going to be OK. Everything is all right. Lisa, look at me. Hey, look at me", he said at gently took he head in his hands to get eye contact. Lisa was gasping for air and the sobbing made it even more difficult for her to breath.  
_She is having a panic attack, _Jack thought.  
"Lisa, you need to breath. Take a deep breath in. Shh, it's OK. Calm down, calm down. Take deep breaths", Jack ordered gentle but determined.  
Lisa tried to do as he said: "I just, I… I'm, I…", she stuttered, unable to say a full sentence.  
"Don't talk now. Concentrate on breathing, Lisa", Jack said, looking around the room for a paper back. The house was full with toys from the kids, riding stuff from Amy, all kind of electronic devices from Ty. But no paper bags.  
Lisa kept crying and crying but started to get her breathing under control. It took her a long while until the sobbing turned into silent crying.  
"There you go, that's much better", Jack whispered, "come one now, let's get you off this uncomfortable floor." He took Lisa by her arm and helped her up, then led her into bed.  
There he took her into his arms again and asked: "Are you feeling better?" He didn't want her to ask whether or not she was OK since she obviously wasn't but he also didn't want to let this go without knowing what just happened.  
"Yes, thank you", Lisa whispered exhausted.  
"I'm sorry", Lisa said after a while.  
"You have nothing to apologize for", Jack said.  
"I feel like a fool, Jack. Amy and Ty are in the hospital right now, Carlotta is fighting for her life and I…"  
"You did nothing wrong, Lisa."  
"I just don't want to make this about me", Lisa explained but Jack didn't understand what she meant. He figured that it had something to do with her miscarriage but couldn't figure out what she didn't want to make about her…  
"This is about your girls, isn't it?" Jack asked carefully.  
"Just seeing Carlotta today. She looked so much like Sophia."  
"That must have been hard to see."  
"It's such a long time ago", Lisa cried.  
"I know, Lis. That doesn't mean you don't have the right to mourn anymore though, especially after such a triggering event like today. I think about Marion all the time, too. I think about what she would tell Amy in this situation, I think about what she would tell Maylin and Jase, I think about her ALL the time. That doesn't mean I can't be there for Amy at the same time. You thinking about your loss doesn't mean you are selfish and can't be there for them. Don't push your pain away, Lisa."  
Lisa appreciated every single word Jack had said but couldn't answer. Tears started to overwhelm her again, the pictures of her daughters appearing in her head again.  
"I wondered what they would be doing if they would have lived. I wonder how they would look, if they would like Dan, if they would like me, if they would be into horses", she cried.  
"They would have been wonderful", Jack whispered.  
"Amy can't go through this too, Jack", she murmured.  
"I know. But in the end, there is nothing we can do instead of keeping hoping."  
"Yeah", Lisa said, "she is going to be OK."  
"Yes, she is going to be OK", Jack repeated. Both of them knew, that you could never know that.  
The next morning Jack woke up as early as usual. He enjoyed the coziness of the bed one more moment before it hit him. There was no time to enjoy anything right now. Carlotta was sick, Ty and Amy didn't come home, Maylin and Jase needed breakfast and when he looked over his shoulders he saw Lisa, still sleeping tight and remembered her traumatic night. It hurt him more than anything to see his family is so much pain.

But since there was no other way, Jack got out of bed to make breakfast. A little later Maylin and Jase joined Jack in the kitchen and soon all three of them were enjoying their pancakes.

"GG?" Jase asked. It was Katie who had called Jack "GG" first, a short term for "Great-Grandpa".  
"Yes?"  
"Are mom and dad still with Carlotta?"  
"Yes, they still are", Jack answered his question.  
"Is Carlotta ever going to come home?" Maylin asked.  
"Well, you know she is still sick because she was born so early but if everything goes right she will come home, yes."  
"Good", Jase commented.  
"I know it's not easy for you two that your mom and dad have to spend so much time at the hospital. But I promise you, it's not going to stay like this for ever", Jack tried to comfort the twins.

Back at the hospital a little comfort was anything Amy wanted. The doctors took Carlotta to do a couple of tests and now Ty and Amy were sitting in the cafeteria, trying to force down some breakfast.

"She looked a little better this morning, didn't she?" Amy murmured.  
"Yeah", Ty agreed weak.

"Ty, I feel like we are losing her."  
"We are not losing her", Ty said determined.  
"I know you don't even want to think about this and neither do I but I mean… we can't… I just feel there is nothing we can do", Amy stuttered a bit incoherent.

"I know. I feel like that do. But we CAN show her that we will not give up hope. We need to fight with her. And besides, I've read that most babies recover fully from NCE."  
"Yeah, but what if she needs surgery? With the narcosis and everything the risks are so much higher than…" Amy rambled but Ty stopped her and took her hand into his.  
"Don't do this, Amy. Don't try do look ahead of everything. Let's just do the one right thing from now on. On step after the other. Not one marathon after a triathlon."  
Amy chuckled gently, "All right then. The next right thing."

"Are you feeling OK aside from Carlotta?" Ty asked.  
"What do you mean?"  
"It's not that long ago that you were struggling with your own health", Ty explained his question.

"I'm fine", Amy answered quickly.  
"Really?"  
"Yes", Amy laughed, "I'm OK, Ty. No need to worry about me, it is Carlotta we need to think about."  
"All right then", Ty smiled and leaned forwards to gently kiss his wife.

The doctors had good news for Amy and Ty. Carlotta was responding well to the treatment and for now there was no surgery needed.

"Now all we can do is hope that it stays that way", Dr. Wilder smiled and then left the room.  
"Oh god, I'm so relieved", Amy sighted and hugged Ty.  
"Me too", he whispered into her ears.

"We should go home and see the twins", Amy said, "They must think we forgot them."  
"All right", Ty agreed, "I could use a hot shower anyhow."

At Fairfield Lou let the breakfast dishes sink into the sink. She kept staring out of the window without moving until Peter came into the kitchen and asked: "Everything all right, honey?"  
Lou turned around: "Hm?"  
"You OK?"  
"Yeah, yeah, sure", Lou nodded reassuring.  
"Did you hear anything from Amy?"  
"Not yet but they told us yesterday that they would probably come by in the morning, so I'm gonna drive over there."  
"Okay", Peter said and pulled Lou into his arms, "Lou, if there is anything else going on, you know you can tell me."  
"I know", Lou smiled.  
"So, what is it?" Peter asked again. His determination made Lou laugh out loud. Then she sighted and said: "Amy was so mad at me because I didn't tell her about Tim. I don't know what I can do to make her forgive me, it's not like I can change it."  
"I'm sure Amy isn't angry anymore. She must understand why you did it."  
"I'm not so sure about that."  
"Just go talk to her when Carlotta is doing better", Peter suggested. He knew that Amy couldn't be angry with Lou much longer, they were too close after everything they have been through together.

"So, that's what bugging you?" Peter asked.  
"Well, if I'm being honest, it's not all that's bugging me", Lou confessed.  
"What else is it?"  
"I didn't get my period", Lou replied. Peter froze.  
"What?"  
"Maybe it's just the stress with everything that's been going on but yeah. I think we should get a pregnancy test."  
"Oh my god", Peter whispered, "Are you serious?"  
"Jup", Lou said, not seeming as happy as Peter was.  
"This is amazing", Peter cheered, "Just imagine, we are going to have a baby!"  
"Yeah, another round of diapers and spit up."  
"You don't seem to be excited", Peter stated.  
"How can I be excited to have a baby when my sister's preemi keeps fighting for it's life. It makes scares me, it makes me feel bad about myself, how can I even tell her?"  
"Lou, being pregnant is nothing to feel bad about. First of all, you are not even sure that you are pregnant. Secondly, we didn't plan this. We haven't even talked about it for months, it just happened. She can't be angry with you for something you didn't plan."  
"Yeah. You are right", Lou smiled weak and that kissed Peter.  
"Let's go, buy a pregnancy test", Peter said.  
"I'll tell Georgie we'll be back in a couple of minutes", Lou agreed.

At Heartland Amy and Ty just arrived. Jack and Lisa were getting Maylin and Jase ready for the day when Amy and Ty walked into the house.  
"Hey there", Jack greeted them carefully, not sure what to read from their face expressions.

"Hey", both of them said at the same time.  
"How is she?" Lisa dared to ask.

"She's better", Ty smiled.

"Hey you two", Amy said to her kids, kissing one after the other on the head.

"Hey mommy", Maylin smiled, "look, GG found my favorite shirt."  
"That's great, honey", Amy smiled.  
"So, what are we doing today", Jase asked, eager for some action.

"Why don't we all go for a ride?" Ty suggested.  
"Yaaay", Maylin and Jase were satisfied.

"Well, you have a good day", Jack smiled, happy that the four took some time together.  
"Oh, you are not coming with us?" Ty asked. Jack looked at him puzzled but before he could say a word Ty said: "Why don't we all go? We could call Lou and Peter with Georgie and Katie and Tim and Julia. Lisa, can you join us?"

"Oh, it sounds great, but I have a really busy day today, I'm sorry", Lisa answered and excused herself.  
"I'll make the calls", Jack said, loving the idea of a family get-together.  
Amy looked at her husband: "You are one manipulating guy."  
"What?" Ty laughed.  
"Making me go on a ride with Grandpa, Lou and Tim."  
"Well, I think it might be a good day to make peace with Jack and Lou. And if Tim gets himself out of his misery for a couple of hours – even better!"  
Amy got up, kissed him and then got into the bathroom to freshen up. In the guestroom Lisa was gathering her clothes together. Ty and Amy were staying at home again so they didn't need anyone watching the twins.  
Then Jack walked into the room.  
"It's a shame you can't join us, today", Jack said.  
"Yeah, sorry, I just –", Lisa started explaining herself but Jack interrupted her: "Lisa, I'm sure you can move your meetings around. This doesn't have anything to do with last night, does it?"  
"No, no, it doesn't. I just don't feel like… like hanging out with everyone today, OK? I don't want to move my meetings around, I just want to think about something else for a change", Lisa said with a cold undertone.

"I still think it would be good for you to relax for a while. You didn't get much sleep in the last nights."  
"Jack, don't pressure me", Lisa demanded.

Jack sat down on the bed: "I'm not pressuring you. But you are part of this family and I don't want you to go working all day when I know you could use some relaxing time with the rest of us."  
Lisa sighted.

"Fine. I give in."  
"Good", Jack smiled, got up and kissed Lisa on the top of her head.

_Doing my best to get this out fast!  
Guest + GKB - thank you for taking the time for commenting, it's really what keeps me updating. _


	11. Chapter 11

**Oh my, I'm so sorry that it has taken me such a long time to update, it has been a busy time. I was SO surprised about all your reviews, I haven't expected them at all, thank you so, so much! I'm very grateful.**

**Dear Guest: The baby didn't die, she is still in hospital but doing much better. **

**It was a bit difficult for me to get back into writing which is why this chapter is a bit humble. I hope you'll like it anyhow and that you will stay with be for the next chapters. I wouldn't mind if you kept taking the time to review, it makes so much more fun to write when I get a feedback. **

**Anyway, enjoy :) **

A couple of hours later the horses were saddled, lunch was packed, phones were charged in case the hospital called about Carlotta and everyone was ready to go. Everyone except Tim and Julia. Julia had answered the phone and explained that they couldn't make it. Jack expected it was because of Tim and suggested that Julia could come without him as well. She said she would think about it but even over the phone Jack could hear how exhausted the woman was. He was sure she wouldn't come so everyone left Heartland without her.

The kids were having the time of their lives, happy that there was no talk about diseases and hospitals, just them, the nature and the rest of the family.  
Amy was enjoying the fresh air and told herself over and over again that it was OK to leave Carlotta alone in the hospital. The nurses and doctors always told them that it was better for everyone if the older kids weren't neglected because the younger children were sick and that it was important for the parents to get out of the hospital and to take some time off. Carlotta was in good hands and had more from Ty and Amy if they weren't stressed and tired.

Even though it was a beautiful day in fall, the trees were losing their leaves, the sun was shining, the air was clear and everyone seemed to be in a good mood it was impossible not to notice that there was tension between Lou, Amy and Jack.

That's why Lisa, Peter and Ty decided without needing to say a word to canter towards the kids to leave the three alone so that they could get the privacy they needed in order to talk.

Of course they saw right through their spouses maneuver but Jack and Lou were grateful for the opportunity.

"Listen Amy, I'm really sorry that we didn't tell you", Lou opened the conversation immediately, "We didn't mean to hurt you or to shut you out. We thought you had more important things on your mind. Honestly, there is nothing else I can say. I'm sorry and it won't happen again."  
"I know you meant good", Amy said, tired of fighting.

"Then why are you still so mad?" Jack asked sighting.

"Because… I don't know", Amy confessed, "I just can't help but feel like a child when you keep these things from me. I want you to know that I can make my own decisions. You need to trust me that I can handle these things."  
"OK", Lou agreed, "We will."  
"Good", Amy nodded.  
"So we're good?" Jack asked hopeful.

"Yeah. We're good."  
"You have no idea how relieved I am", Lou laughed.  
And together they caught up with the rest of the family and it was obvious that everyone was relieved.

The kept riding for a while and then decided for a place by a river to have lunch. They took the saddles of the horses and let them graze, the kids climbed on a tree where they had their sandwiches and the grown-ups sat down on the grass to eat.

It seemed like everyone enjoyed talking about unimportant things instead of the usual heavy conversations they mostly had these days.

It was a long time ago since they just sat together laughing.

Lou and Amy got up together do bring their kids something to drink and when they walked back towards to where they sat before Amy stopped Lou and said: "You know, it's just a beautiful day – I wish dad was here."  
"Yeah, me too", Lou confessed.  
"We need to do something about this, right?"  
"Yes, we need. We can't let Julia handle this alone and I don't think she can handle it much longer anyhow", Lou sighted, watching her kids laughing about something.

"I don't know what to do", Amy replied, "Do we just talk to him?"  
"We could try. I don't know how much it will bring but it's definitely better than nothing. But don't you think you should wait until Carlotta is doing better? You have so much going on, spending all these hours at the hospital, it doesn't seem right that you have to deal with dad when you get home", Lou asked.

"Truth be told, I would prefer playing with Maylin and Jase when I get home too. But the longer we wait the worse dad gets and I'm afraid if we wait too long there will be nothing left for us to do but to get him into rehab."  
"All right. Then we'll talk to him. I'm glad we're OK", Lou smiled. Amy didn't answer but embraced her sister.

When Amy sat down next to Ty and Lou sat down next to Peter Amy said: "Lou and I just talked and decided that it's time to confront dad about his relapse. He is obviously not getting better by himself."

"Do want us to talk to him together?" Jack asked.

"I think it's better if Amy and I talk to him alone first", Lou answered.

"Ok", Jack nodded, understanding their logic. Even though Tim was an addict he was still their dad first. If Tim didn't listen do his daughters, things were worse than they thought.

They family kept enjoying the rest of the day. When Amy and Ty got home Amy felt a little better. The fact that everything was OK with Lou and Jack again made it easier to breath for her. Now Carlotta had to keep getting better and they had to talk to Tim – Amy felt new hope filling her vanes.

Eventually days past. Amy and Lou were desperate to talk to their father but either one of them was busy or Tim wasn't available. That's why Amy's thoughts were with her children again, she concentrated on giving each child as much of her attention as possible and kept driving to the hospital each day. Weeks went by and luckily Carlotta did really well. She recovered and grew and developed as she was supposed to do. She reached one milestone after the other, losing tube after tube that were supporting her, bodyy the day finally came when Amy and Ty finally heard her cry, when she was finally able to suck on a bottle and to swallow herself. It was a miracle. She was a miracle and sometimes Amy and Ty didn't believe their own eyes when they saw their daughter doing better and better. She was already 32 weeks old and it was quite certain that they would be able to take her home in a couple of weeks, with a lot of luck even before Christmas.

One evening Amy sat on the couch with Maylin on Jase beside her, reading "We are going on a bear hunt". Actually, Amy already knew every word by heart, but the kids loved to look at the pictures while Amy "read" the book over and over. Ty was busy in the kitchen, making dinner for the twins when Lou came by.

"Auntie LULU", Maylin exclaimed, jumped from the couch and threw herself around Lou.

"Hey honey", Lou laughed and hugged her back. Afterwards she greeted the rest of the family and sat down on the couch with Amy, Maylin and Jase and joined them for another round of "We are going on a bear hunt".

A while later Ty offered to get the kids to bed so that the sisters could talk.

"Carlotta is still doing well?" Lou asked while Amy handed her a glass of wine.

"Absolutely fabulous. We are already talking about taking her home", Amy smiled.

"That is so wonderful", Lou sighted.

"Lou, we can't wait any longer. We need to talk to dad", Amy changed the theme rapidly.

"I know, that's why I'm here."

"I just don't know what we are supposed to say."

"Me neither. Have you seen him lately?"  
"No, not since weeks. I have been trying to talk to him but he never picks up the phone, I have been over to his place a couple of times but he is never there and I don't want to annoy Julia with my calls", Amy replied. "Have you?"  
"No, me neither", Lou answered, "he is avoiding me as well."

"Let's just drive over there. He might be home. If we don't call him, he can't escape."

"Are you serious?"  
"It's not like we have anything to lose", Amy commented.

"Okay."

"Okay?"  
"Okay – let's go", Lou answered suddenly determined and got up.

"I'll let Ty know and then we can go", Amy said and a little later they were already on the way to Tim's place.

When Lou parked the car they saw that Tim's truck was there and so was Julia's.

"Seems like we chose a good time", Lou murmured when they got out of the car. Moments later they walked into the house where they saw Tim and Julia sitting in the living room, looking like they were having an intense conversation.

"Hey dad", Amy made them aware of their presence.

"Girls", he exclaimed and got off to pull his daughters into a hug.  
"How are you? How is Carlotta?" he asked.  
"She's fine", Amy answered, "you would know if you would have returned my calls."

"I know, I'm so sorry. It has been a tough time."

"No kidding", Lou commented bitterly.

"I'll let you talk", Julia excused herself, "I'll see you", she said and kissed Tim on his cheek, "Bye girls."  
"Bye Julia", Amy and Lou said at once.  
"Where is she going? Isn't she living here?" Lou asked her father after Julia had left the house.

"Yeah, she is, but she's currently staying at her old place. We are having… mild difficulties these days", Tim answered.

They sat down in the living room where it took a couple of seconds until someone said a word. Until then it was completely silent and absolutely awkward.

"So, why are you here?" Tim ended the silence.  
"We came to talk", Lou replied.

"About?"  
"You know about what", Amy sighted. It felt like they were talking to a teenager.

"Dad, we are worried about your drinking", Lou said.

"There is absolutely nothing to be worried about", Tim immediately blocked.

"Stop the lying, dad. I can't take any of that right now. We know you are drinking again, actually everyone knows", Amy hissed.  
"Well, is that so?" Tim grunted.

"Yes, that's so", Lou replied.  
"Why should I deny it: Yes, I have been having couple of drinks lately. Only to calm my mind. I'm sure you can relate. But I'm not taking any pills, I'm still out, doing my work. So there you have it. That's the truth."

"Dad, you know it's not the truth. I don't know if you remember this, but a couple of weeks ago I had to carry you from the bathroom to bed. You were absolutely drunk. You look like hell. You haven't been there for Amy when she needed you the most. Your relationship with Julia is falling apart, which is a real shame as well. What in the world are you doing?" Lou said calmly but determined.

At first Tim didn't say anything.

_She went too far, _Amy thought.

"I know that I haven't been there for you Amy. And you have to believe me, I'm really sorry about that. I just… I just…", Tim stuttered after a while.

"You don't even have an excuse", Lou looked at her father with pure disappointment written in her face.  
"I'm sorry", Tim whispered.  
"It's not good enough", Amy said slowly, "you need to quit drinking for good again. You can't handle a couple of drinks. You need to stop telling yourself that. I need you, the kids need you, we all need you. Drinking because it gets tough is a little too selfish, even for you. Pull yourself together."

And then the conversation ended. Lou and Amy felt like there was nothing left to say and Tim felt like he couldn't say anything that would make the situation better.

"I have to get back home", Amy whispered and got up.  
"Okay. Let's go", Lou agreed, "please think about what we said, dad. Don't keep doing this. I can't go through this one more time."

"I will. Get home safely", Tim murmured and led his daughters to the door.  
"Drive save."

In the car Lou said: "That didn't feel very convincing."

"No, it didn't."  
"Do you think he will even think about what we said?"  
"Yes he will. But I'm pretty sure he'll will forget everything once he feel the urge to open another bottle."

"This sucks."  
"Yeah, it does."


	12. Chapter 12

_Hey everyone, thank you for still reading this fanfiction. I hope you will enjoy this chapter and as usual I'm always grateful for your kind reviews and criticism. Thank you dear Guests, GKB and Gardiff for your last reviews, your feedback always makes be happy. _

_..._

When Amy got into the house she knew immediately that Maylin and Jase were already asleep. It was way too quiet for them to be awake. In the cozy living room Ty was fighting with a bunch of laundry that needed to be folded.

"Hey, you are back", he noticed Amy standing in the door-frame.  
"Yeah. You need any help with that?" Amy asked smiling. She knew Ty had no idea what he was doing but found it sweet that he was trying.

"You know, I don't even know why you bother folding the kid's clothes. Those shirts are so tiny you could just stuff them in the closet", Ty answered laughing desperately.

Amy walked over to his husbands side, hugged him from behind until Ty laid down the pants he was currently folding and turned around so that he could embrace his wife.

"How did it go?"  
"Not too good", Amy replied whispering.  
"What did he say?"  
"Nothing much. The usual I guess."

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

"You wanna talk about it?"  
"Not really. I think I'm just gonna go to bed. Thank you though."  
Amy freed herself from Ty's arms.  
"Are you sure you OK?" Ty asked.

"I don't know", Amy answered honestly, "but there is nothing I can do about it right now. We'll talk about it tomorrow, OK?"  
"Sure", Ty smiled encouraging.

...

At Fairfield Lou took a deep breath in before she entered the house they had inherited from Lisa. She was frustrated and unhappy about the way things went with Tim but knew that she had to put on her happy face in case the girls were still awake. Luckily the house was quiet and the only noise that could be heard was Peter typing on his computers keyboard in the kitchen.

"Hey honey", he greeted his wife and looked up from the screen.

"Hey", Lou smiled, kissing him on his cheek before taking a seat next to him.

"How did it go?" Peter asked.  
"It sucked, actually", Lou sighted.  
"That bad?"  
"Worse."  
"Did you get a chance to tell Amy?"  
Lou needed a moment to understand what Peter meant.

"No, it wasn't exactly the right time to do so."  
"Well, you won't be able to hide it much longer", Peter smiled.  
"I know. It's just not the right timing with everything that's been going on", Lou suspired.

"I understand. But I don't want you to forbid yourself to be happy. With everything that has been happening some good news might just be what everybody needs."  
"Yeah, you might be right. I'll think about it", Lou smiled.  
"That's all I'm asking for", Peter smiled, closed his laptop and leaned over to kiss his wife, "let's go to bed", he whispered.

...

At the same time at Tim's place Julia walked into the bedroom to find her boyfriend sitting at the end of the bed, struggling to get a sock off his food.

"Hey", she said quiet coldly.

"Hey", Tim grunted.  
"I just came to get some stuff I need", Julia explained.  
"You wouldn't need to, if you would stay here", Tim grunted again.  
"I wouldn't need to stay at my old place if my boyfriend would accept the help he needs in order to get his drinking under control", Julia hissed, looking right into Tim's eyes, desperate to reach him with her words.

Tim couldn't stand her look and whispered: "Not again…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Come on Tim, talk to me. Give me something. Just SAY something for god's sake. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep covering for you, I can't keep running my business and your business at the same time, I can't stay in this relationship if you won't TALK TO ME", Julia was trying to keep it together, she was trying to stay calm and forgiving so that Tim knew that he could trust her, but she was losing it nevertheless.

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, DID THAT EVER CROSS YOU MIND?!" Tim exploded right away.

"Then what am I still doing here?" Julia whispered.  
"I don't know", Tim hissed, "for all I know I have never asked for your help!"  
"Oh come on Tim, you don't NEED to ask for help, your neglected face says it all. How can you do this to yourself, to your family! You might not need help but everyone around you does! You are so pathetic if you keep telling yourself that you can keep on going like this." By now single tears started to roll down Julia's cheeks as she started to understand that there was nothing she could to at this point. It was the first time Tim saw her like that ever since her dog had been fighting for his life.

"Just go", he told her.

"Don't do this Tim", Julia begged, "you have so much to lose." Then she got the clothes she needed for the next day and got out without another word.

Tim took out the bottle of wine he had been hiding behind some pillows when he had heard that Julia was coming and took a sip.

...

For everyone at Heartland that day ended with a bitter tone. When the sun rose the next day Amy wasn't the only one that wished for a better one.

She made breakfast for the family and then quickly made her way to the hospital to see Carlotta. It felt like weeks since she saw her last, even though she had been there a couple of hours ago.

Her baby was looking better and better every day. She almost looked like a normal newborn now.

"Hey my girl", Amy greeted her daughter smiling, stroking her gently.

"It's time to get you home, don't you think? We can't wait for you to see Heartland and all the horses that are waiting to meet you. Maylin and Jase are desperate to teach you all the things you can do at home", Amy smiled. She didn't hear Dr. Wild coming in while she kept talking.  
"Hey there, I don't mean to interrupt", Dr. Wild smiled.  
"Oh, hi, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you coming in", Amy smiled back and then asked: "how is she doing today?"  
"Very well. We have absolutely nothing to complain about. As a matter of fact I think it might be time to think about letting your little girl home."  
"Really?" Amy started beaming.

"Well, we'll do a couple of checkups before I can say for sure, but if everything is all right Carlotta will be home in a week", Dr. Wild smiled.

Amy couldn't help herself and threw her arms around the doctor.

"Thank you so, so much!"

As soon as the doctor left the room Amy took out her phone and immediately called Ty.

"Hey Amy, what's up?" he answered the phone.

"You are never gonna believe what happened", Amy called out.

"What is it?" Ty laughed, surprised by Amy's euphoria.

"I just talked to Dr. Wild. If everything goes fine Carlotta will be home in a week."  
"Are you serious?" Ty whispered, not able to believe a word his wife was saying.  
"I'm dead serious. They are going to do a couple of checkups during the next few days and if they turn out to be OK she'll be home next week."  
"Oh my god, I can't believe it", Ty laughed, "You know what, I'll drop May and Jase off at Jack's and drive over to the hospital."  
"All right. We'll be here", Amy smiled and ended the call.

"Did you hear that baby girl? You are going to be home soon", she said and then placed a gentle kiss on Carlotta's cheek.

...

The news about Carlotta's possible homecoming spread fast around Heartland and everyone was delighted about it. For the next couple of days everyone kept their fingers crossed until it was official: Carlotta was coming home.

The day finally came when Amy and Ty were ready to pack all of their things at the hospital and leave with their daughter. The nursery had been finished since weeks and was ready for Carlotta to live in it.

"Can you believe it?" Amy asked Ty when she took down the pictures off the wall next to Carlotta's bed. During the last months that place had become their second home and more and more stuff piled up that had made it feel cozier. It was no more needed.

"Nope. I think I still won't be able to realize it when Carlotta is going to wake us up tonight", Ty smiled.

"I'm just so relieved", Amy sighted and gently took Carlotta out of the bed. Ty put an arm around Amy's waist and placed a kiss on the top of her head and whispered: "I know what you mean."

"All right little girl, are you ready to go home?" Amy couldn't stop smiling and was still beaming when Carlotta was buckled in the car seat and Ty started the motor to drive home.

At Heartland they were greeted by everyone as soon as they got out of the car. Everyone was there, even Tim had gotten over himself to welcome his youngest grandchild at home.

When they gathered around the dining table at Amy's and Ty's place everyone was happier than they were in weeks. Maylin, Jase, Georgie and Katie were playing together peacefully, Carlotta was asleep in Jacks arms and Amy and Ty felt like they could finally breathe again.

Peter kept trying to catch Lou's eye and she knew exactly why he did so. He wanted her to tell the rest of the family that they were expecting but Lou still felt like it wasn't the right timing. This day was all about Carlotta's homecoming, not about their baby. She shook her head a little, just enough for Peter to see it.

The next days went by in a haze for Amy and Ty. They were so consumed by all three of their children that they didn't notice much of what was going on around them. Christmas was just around the corner and Lou was busy making plans of where and how everybody was going to get together for Carlotta's first holidays. Amy hadn't even spent a single thought on Christmas decorations until Maylin and Jase came home from kindergarten one day, bringing self-made ornaments home.

Of course Amy thought about her father every once in a while but whenever she did there was someone craving for her attention or she was so tired that she couldn't think about it much more.

During those weeks everyone else of the family was desperately trying to get Tim back on solid ground. Lou had tried to talk to him a couple of times but it didn't end better than the first time. She drove over to Jack and Lisa who were sitting in the kitchen with a steaming cup of tea.

"Hey Lou", Lisa smiled and looked up from the newspaper she was reading.

"Hey", Lou greeted them.

"What's wrong?" Jack answered before Lou could take off her jacket. He knew the women in his life good enough to know right away when something wasn't right. At least that's what he always says.

"Urgh, it's dad", Lou sighted and dropped into the chair.

Jack and Lisa changed a sad look and Lisa asked: "Did you try to talk to him again?"  
"Yeah. Unsuccessfully. I just don't know what to do anymore. He seems so occupied with himself that nothing I say reaches him. I just don't understand how he could head downhill so fast without anyone of us noticing."

"Don't blame yourself, Lou. There is nothing you could have noticed. Tim knew how he could hide his behavior. He's an addict, don't forget that. Even though he has been sober for such a long time that doesn't mean he forgot everything that comes with it. The hiding, the lying. As cruel as it sounds but that's part of the _deal_. So don't even think about what we COULD have done", Lisa said. Jack looked at his wife, slightly surprised by her words. He knew that Lisa always knew what to say but she was able to surprise him every now and then anyhow.

"I haven't thought about his addiction for such a long time. There was no way I would have thought that he might relapse. He must have been struggling and didn't say a word. I can't help myself – I feel so bad for him, even though he makes me so angry at the same time."  
"Lisa is right, Lou. Don't beat yourself up. We all SHOULD have known but COULDN'T. We need to figure out a way to make him realize that he needs to stop. That's all we can do at this point. If it's going to work is not in our hands", Jack answered.

"So what are we going to do?" Lou asked.

"We'll figure something out", Jack smiled reassuring.

Lou took a deep breath in and then said: "I gotta get home, we'll talk, OK?"  
"Of course. Stop beating yourself up", Jack smiled and got up to open the door for Lou. Lisa got up too to embrace Lou and said: "It's going to be all right."

When Lou was on her way back to Fairfield Lisa was still sitting at the kitchen table but no longer reading the newspaper. Tim was filling her head and she didn't know what to do about it. They needed a plan to help him but she knew that there was not much they could do until he realizes himself that he needs the help.

"Do you want another cup of tea, Liz?" Jack asked while filling the kettle.

"Hm?" Lisa had been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed her husband in the room.

"Tea?" Jack laughed.

"Oh, no thanks", Lisa smiled and thought _a glass of wine is more what I could use right now. _

"You OK?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, of course. I just keep thinking about how we can help Tim. The girls are so beaten up about his behavior and quiet honestly I don't think Julia us putting up with this much longer. He is losing everything."

"Well", Jack started to talk but then stopped. He sat down next to Lisa and was quiet for the next moments until he said: "I don't know what to say quite honestly. We have been through this and last time there was nothing I could say or do to make him stop. Not even Marion could do anything about it and if there was one person on this planet that got through to him it was her. I kicked him out and didn't see him for years. He got sober all by himself."

"But that was such a different time."  
"Yes, it was. Back then it wasn't only alcohol for him, but also pills. I don't think he is going that far right now", Jack thought out aloud.

"Oh really? I… I didn't know that", Lisa stumbled in a raspy voice.

Jack sighted and leaned over to kiss Lisa.

"I'll talk to him. We'll figure something out. Don't worry too much."

"I'll try", Lisa smiled and kissed him back.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey everyone, sorry it took me so long to update!  
I'm kinda surprised how this chapter turned out myself, I hope you like it. Can't thank you enough for your reviews, I really appreciate them, so please take your time and tell me what you think, I'm always open to new suggestions or wishes. **

Amy and Ty got used to Carlotta living at home so fast that Amy had to remind herself every once in a while how lucky they were. She was 100% out of danger and her development was exactly how it should have been. Christmas was only days away and when before Amy and Ty got out of bed Maylin and Jase ran into the bed room screaming: "It snowed, it snowed, now Santa can use his sled! Look Mommy, look, it's all white." They tear apart the curtains so that their parents could see the winter wonderland. It had been a mild winter and Maylin and Jase had started to worry that Santa might not be able to come if there was no snow.

"Wow", Amy mumbled, still half asleep. "You have to get up, daddy, wake up, we have to go outside", Jase screamed in excitement and started to jump on his parents bed until Amy and Ty were both fully awake. "Jase, quit jumping on my legs please", Ty scolded him and then grabbed his son and grabbed him softly so that he fell on his back and tickled him until Jase shouted: "Stop it, daddy, stop it", in pure joy.

In the meantime Amy got out of the bed, picked Maylin up - who was getting quite heavy - and walked towards the window to enjoy the view. It really was beautiful. Then Carlotta started to cry softly as if she wanted to remind her family that she was there too. Amy and Maylin got get out of the crib together and decided to make some waffles for breakfast which were eaten in front of the fireplace Ty lit. It was such a cozy morning that Amy had no desire to get out in the cold at all. But of course her twins couldn't wait to get in the snow.

While Maylin and Jase were brushing their teeth Amy and Ty got themselves ready for the day.

"Ty, what are we doing with Carlotta? We can't take her out with us all day, she'll freeze to death."  
"Why don't you stay in with her for now, I'll go out with the twins. Maybe Jack can take her for half an hour or so, so that you can join us."  
"I really don't want Maylin and Jase to feel like I'm neglecting them or like I love Carlotta more than them because I still spent so much time with her", Amy rambled. It was one of her biggest fears, upsetting her daughter and son because she had to concentrate on their newest member of the family.

"Amy", Ty said surprised and embraced her, "you are worrying too much! We just had an hour-long breakfast with them and I'm sure they'll barely notice us as soon as we get out in the snow. Plus I'm convinced that neither of them will remain silent in case they feel unhappy. So: enjoy some time with Carly while I'll enjoy me time with Jase and May!"  
Amy sighted, nodded and then kissed her husband and dressed Carlotta for the day. She got some paperwork done, stared at her baby girl for what felt like hours and then started to wrap a couple of Christmas gifts. Even though Amy enjoyed her time with Carlotta more than anything she turned on the radio because it was just a little too quite without the rest of the family. She hid the wrapped gifts and then picked up Carlotta.  
"Hey little girl, why don't we go see if grandpa and Lisa are home, hm? Maybe we'll even find the rest of the bunch to have lunch together, before the two of us turn into lone wolves."

Lisa was sitting at the dining table, working on something on her laptop when Amy came into the house, carrying Carlotta.

"Hey you two", Lisa smiled as she spotted them.

"Hey Lisa", Amy smiled, "want some company? Carlotta and I were getting a bit lonely alone in the house" she laughed.  
"Of course, always!" Lisa took Carlotta so that Amy could take of her jacket.

"So, Grandpa is out?" Amy asked when Lisa put a cup of steaming tea in front of her. They were sitting at the fire in the living room.

"Yeah, he wanted to try to talk Tim again."

"Well, let's see how that goes. I feel like it's getting almost impossible to talk to him these days."  
"I haven't seen him since Carlotta got home", Lisa admitted and smiled at the little baby sleeping peacefully in her arms.

"I drove over there a couple of times. It hasn't been… pleasant…"

"I can imagine. I saw Julia in town a couple of days ago, she looked awful."  
"Yeah, I can't believe she's still hanging around dad. He's so full of hate these days."

"I'm sure you know this Amy, but that hate has nothing to do with you", Lisa smiled sadly, "I'm sure he hates himself for what he's doing enough for all of us. And there is no better way to forget then a couple of drinks, right?"

"Right", Amy sighted again, "and yes, I do know that. It's just really difficult to keep that in mind when he rants and raves as soon as you walk through the door."  
"It's easy to forget, I know what you mean. And I understand that his relapse doesn't seem fair but I think what we also need to keep in mind that it's not exactly ONLY a choice that Tim made", Lisa tried to explain without crossing the lines.  
"What do you mean?" Amy asked, not feeling offended.  
"Well, your father is an alcoholic, which is very easy to forget as long as he's sober. But he carries that around with him every single day. I'm sure he has had cravings in the past years but withstood them. That's not easy and while he might struggle we take it for granted that he stays sober. And now that he relapsed it's a huge _surprise _for everyone and nobody can really understand how this could have happened. He probably doesn't understand it himself but since he lives with his addiction everyday it wasn't such a big shock for him because he knows that the possibility of relapsing is always waiting around the corner. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I wanna do is to point a finger at anyone or blame anyone for not handling this the right way, if there even is a right way. But I think if you are too involved it's hard to understand what the other part might be feeling."  
Amy let that sank in for a while and then whispered: "You are right." Just as she was about to say something else Ty and four snow monsters stormed into the house. Maylin, Jase, Katie and Georgie dropped their wet clothes on the floor and threw themselves in front of the fire, all of them telling Lisa and Amy stories at once.

Amy laughed out loud: "One at a time please", and got up to make hot chocolate for everyone. On her way to the kitchen she stopped quickly to kiss Ty and then listened to all the stories about snowmen, snowball fights and sledding.

"Oh my, you guys did so many things while I was sitting around drinking tea", Amy joked.

Then the front door opened again and with Jack a cold breeze of winter came into the house.

"Hey everyone", Jack greeted his family, took of his shoes, jacked and hat and before getting a hot chocolate kissed Lisa on top of her head. A horde of children surrounded him by then, excited to tell their great-grandfather every detail of their day. After a while the kids agreed it was time for another round of snowball fights and Ty and Amy went with them.

Lisa was happy to take Carlotta for a while and Jack could use a couple of minutes with his wife after a disastrous talk with his ex-son in law.

"So, how did it go?" Lisa asked him, sitting on the couch, soothing Carlotta who was whining a little.

"Oh, don't ask", Jack sighted, "it was a disaster."

"What happened?"

"He threw me out. Actually, he wanted to come to blows and I believe his biggest wish was to break every single one of my bones. He probably would have broken at least one if he weren't drunk as skunk."

"Jack, this is getting out of hand", Lisa exclaimed.

"I know. It got out of hands weeks ago but I thought, or better wished that things would somehow… get better. Oh, I don't know what I was thinking", Jack grunted.

"Well, what are we going to do?"

"I have no idea. I feel like there is absolutely nothing I can do at this point. He won't listen, I can't kick him out since he doesn't live at my place this time, I can't forbid him to have contact with the kids. There's just nothing I can do."

"Well, if you don't have a master plan then how is anybody else gonna now what to do next?"

"Have you talked to him lately?"  
"What? Me?", Lisa asked back surprised, "no, I didn't. I mean, you know me, it's not like I didn't want to, but I honestly didn't think anyone would enjoy me getting involved."

"If we are being honest: I'm so tired of Tim's behavior. You know I don't want to see him like this but moreover I don't want to see Amy and Lou suffer because of him. I want to help him because I want to help HIM but also because of the girls, if that makes any sense", Jack rambled and then chuckled: "Ugh, I'm sorry Liz. I'm just a bit frustrated today."

"Don't worry about it", Lisa answered gently, "you know you don't have to carry all that burden alone", she smiled and then leaned against Jack's side while he laid his arms around her and Carlotta who was asleep in Lisa's arms. As a matter of fact Lisa always felt kind of relieved when Jack opened up like that to her. She knew that he felt like he needed to protect her from everything, not matter what. Lisa appreciated Jack's talking about his "weak" feelings more than he knew. "But try not to blame Tim too much. I know you are disappointed in him, but being addicted is a disease and I'm sure the last thing Tim would have chosen is becoming an alcoholic. Relapsing is not so… uncommon, you know."  
"You seem to know a lot about that stuff", Jack murmured.

"Not more than everybody else. I just… I think it can be hard to keep that in mind when you are so frustrated. And I don't mean to criticize you, not at all", Lisa explained herself.

"I know", Jack reassured, "and I also understand what you mean. Thinking about it like that… I might have accused Tim of some stuff that wasn't exactly fair."

"It can't be easy to stay calm after all this time. You probably didn't say anything he doesn't already know though", Lisa answered.

"I just don't know what to do anymore", Jack sighted.

"I might give it a chance and talk to him", Lisa gave in.  
"Don't worry about getting involved, Liz. You know you are a part of this family and I don't think anyone feels offended if you try to get through to Tim."

"All right then."

"Well now, just look at that, our little miracle girl number two", Jack smiled as he looked as Carlotta sleeping in Lisa's arms.

"She really is a miracle girl. It's unbelievable how fast she's growing now. She was so tiny", Lisa remarked.

"Thank god she's not anymore. If Amy would have been put through the loss of a child I might have lost my faith in this very complicated world."

"I know", Lisa sighted and then kept staring at the little girl without saying another words. It was like she was travelling back in time in her head and soon it was so filled with memories that she barely noticed it when she drifted off to sleep.

Outside Lou and Peter had joined everyone else in the snow. A colony of snowmen was growing and growing but slowly one child after the other started to get cold so that they decided to go inside again in order to warm up in front of the fire place. Nobody was even considering doing that anywhere else than at Jack's and Lisa's place, even though Amy's and Ty's house was just as nearby. Some traditions were simply worth keeping.

The next day Lisa couldn't withstand it anymore. She loved that family, she loved Amy and Lou and she couldn't stand waiting for some miracle to happen to Tim. She also knew that the chances of getting through to him were very slim but not trying at all wasn't bearable for Lisa.

She cancelled her morning meeting and made her way to Tim's place.

She knocked on the door, even though she didn't expect an answer. When she didn't get one, Lisa stepped inside the house without an invitation and had to admit to herself that it was worse than she had expected. The kitchen looked like it hasn't seen a sponge since years, the trashcans were filled to overflowing and there seemed to be absolutely no oxygen left in the air.  
"Tim?" Lisa called. She still felt like she was crossing boundaries and like she was snooping around in something that was definitely not her business.

"TIM?" she yelled a bit louder and then found Tim in the living room, hanging out on the couch.

It seemed like Tim just woke up: "Oh god, not you too please", was the first thing he said.

"I know you must be sick of your family coming into your home, telling you how big of a coward you are", Lisa sighted, "I'm not gonna tell you stuff you already know."  
"Then why are you here? I doubt there's anything you can tell me that I haven't heard before. Why don't you drive over to Julia and talk to her. She has lots of good advice to give."  
"Stop behaving like an ass towards me please, thank you", Lisa fought back. Tim was speechless for a moment. He had never heard Lisa talk like that, it was so much unlike her.

"I will tell you something that nobody knows. Not even Jack. And if you tell anyone I might lose it, so don't you dare tell anyone!"  
"Lisa, I really don't care about your little secrets. If you don't want anyone to know about them – don't tell me. I'm not very well known for keeping anything to myself."  
"Well, you'll have to this time, because I'm going to tell you and you are going to listen and you are going to think about it.

When I grew up, no one ever cared about my feelings. I'm not complaining about my childhood because I wouldn't change it for the world, but the most important thing for my parents was that I was representing my family with a big smile on my face, no matter where we went and no matter what I was really feeling like. Like I said, I was fine with it, I didn't know it any other way. But it got to a point where I didn't even know how to handle anything I felt so I numbed my feelings with a couple of pills, little bit of pot, just anything I could get in my hands. I suppose you could say I overdid it with the pills and with sixteen my parents saw no other way than to send me to rehab. You can imagine how much they hated that. I was officially on a _language study travel._ But it was honestly the best thing they could have done for me and I will forever be grateful for that."

Tim was shocked, but he was not ready to get lost of his attitude so he answered: "Good for you Lisa. You got it together. Congratulations. It's not that easy for everyone you know."  
"Hear me out", Lisa demanded with clenched teeth. She never, ever talked about her history, not even to Jack. Jack knew that Lisa was a bit of a "wild child", but he had no idea how bad it really had been. Lisa tried to get her story out as fast as possible, as if she didn't have to feel the emotions that were linked to her words as much if she spoke fast enough.

"I got together with Dan years after rehab and things were actually pretty good. Dan and I were very happy and then I even got pregnant with twins. I lost them both though, obviously. I was devastated, they gave me painkillers in the hospital and long story short, I relapsed. And then I almost lost it all, Tim. I didn't have as much to lose as you do right now, but Dan and I were no longer together, if it weren't for him Fairfield wouldn't exist today, I didn't leave the house, I lost contact to all of my friends until I felt like I finally forgot that I lost my daughters. But that feeling was even worse."

"I'm really sorry for you, Lisa", Tim slurred, "but why are you telling my all of this? What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to make you understand that I'm not judging you for relapsing, I'm not blaming you for what's happening. I didn't even want to come here and talk to you because I know you are sick of people telling you what to do, but in the end I felt like it was unfair for not even letting you know about my addiction when I know a bit about yours. I want you to come to a meeting with me tonight. I know a great place, a bit outside of the town where no one knows us."  
"Lisa, I can't", Tim started talking but Lisa interrupted him.

"I know you feel like you can't. But I also know that you know that what you are doing isn't good for you. Think about yourself: You have gotten back on your feet before, you built a relationship with your daughters, you made peace with Jack, and you found a new love. Why would you stand in the way of your own happiness? Do it for yourself!"

"I just", Tim stuttered, "I can't believe… I can't", he whispered until he started to cry uncontrollably like a little boy. Lisa took a deep breath in, desperate not to make the wrong decision. She sat down next to Tim but didn't touch him. She just sat there and waited until he was feeling like talking again. Neither of them noticed Ty standing in the door frame. He had come because he couldn't stand seeing his wife as miserable as she was, especially not right before the first Christmas with all three of their children at home. But it seemed like Lisa had beat him to it.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

It took a while until Tim took a deep breath in and finally looked up. His eyes were red from crying and from drinking for months, his skin was reddened, swollen and saggy due to the alcohol. He looked miserable and Lisa felt the urge to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be OK. But she didn't, because she knew it wasn't what Tim needed.

Then she lifted her head and saw Ty standing in the doorframe, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Ty", Lisa said surprised. Now Tim noticed him too, not knowing if he should feel embarrassed because his son in law might have seen his breakdown or angry because Ty might have been eavesdropping.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt", Ty excused himself, "I just came by to see if there's anything I can do for you and uhm, I didn't know… I didn't", he stumbled.  
"Since when were you standing there?" Lisa asked, scared that her well-kept secret was disclosed to the whole family within one day.

"I just got here", Ty calmed her, without knowing how relieving his words were for Lisa and Tim too.

"Well then", Lisa smiled and even Tim didn't say anything.

"So, what can I do?" Ty asked. He had no intention of leaving Tim and Lisa like this, he felt like he owned it to the family to help.

"Why don't you go take a shower, Tim, and Ty and I clean this mess up a bit? You can help us when you are ready," Lisa asked, but in a way that didn't let any space for protest.

"'kay", Tim mumbled and lurched into his bathroom.

"How did you do that?" Ty asked surprised when Tim was out of earshot.

"Do what?"  
"You know what mean. With Tim?"  
"Oh… Well, I guess I chose the right words for now. Pure luck. Doesn't mean it brings anything though", Lisa answered vaguely.

"Yeah, but still, he didn't kick me out, so that's something", Ty said dryly and then got a trash bag to clear out the mess that had overtaken the house.

At Heartland Amy was making Christmas cookies with her children, absolutely enjoying the mess they were making. "Hey Jase, be a little bit more careful with the flour, OK? It's all landing on the floor", Amy smiled. She definitely wasn't the kind of mother that got overly angry when her kids made a mess. They were kids after all.

"I'm making a huge cookie for daddy now", Maylin decided and formed a big heart out of the rather big rest of the cookie dough.

"Well, that's nice of you, baby", Amy smiled. "How about you Jase? You want to make one last big cookie out of your rest of the dough?"  
"Yeah, I'll make one for Grandpa, maybe he will play with us more if he eats it", Jase decided. Amy felt like someone stabbed her right into the heart. She had known that the twins wondered every once in a while where their grandfather was, but there were so many other family members around them every day that she didn't think that they really missed playing with Tim. _I should have known better, _Amy scolded herself.

"You know how much Grandpa loves to play with you guys, right? He's not spending as much time with you right now as usual because he doesn't enjoy it, but because he doesn't feel very well these days. But it has nothing at all to do with you", she tried to explain.

"So he's sick?" Maylin asked.

"Something like that", Amy nodded.

"Then we should go over to his place and make him a hot chocolate like you do whenever we get sick", Jase suggested.  
"Well, Daddy just drove over to see if there is anything Grandpa needs from us. I'm sure he'll make him a hot chocolate if Grandpa feels like it", Amy smiled, "now, let's get those beautiful cookies baked."

As if Jack smelled the scent of fresh Christmas cookies from miles away, he entered the house of his granddaughter just as she got the cookies out of the oven.  
"GG, look at the cookies we made, all by ourselves!" Jase greeted him in excitement, grabbed his hand and pulled him to the kitchen.  
"Oh hey Grandpa", Amy smiled.  
"Hey honey. Wow, those do look great", Jack greeted her.

"You can have one", Maylin offered.

"Well, which one should I take?" Jack laughed. That was the keyword for Maylin and Jase and they started to discuss intensively which cookie would be the best pick for Jack.

Jack walked over to Carlotta who was lying in her little basket and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.  
"She's doing really well, isn't she?" Jack asked Amy.  
"Yeah, she is. We just had a check up a couple of days ago and she is doing absolutely fine. It's amazing how fast she recovered from everything."  
"Well, the women in my family tend to be amazing", Jack smiled and lay an arm around Amy to kiss her on the cheek.

Amy chuckled and then Maylin and Jase finally presented Jack the best cookie they could find.

"Thank you so much", Jack laughed.

"So, where's Ty?" Jack asked his granddaughter.

"He drove to Tim a while ago."  
"Really? So did Lisa, hours ago!"  
"Maybe it's a good sign that they aren't back yet", Amy said.  
"Yeah maybe. Or…"

"Come on grandpa, let's hope for a while. It's the holidays", Amy tried to cheer up the mood. "You are right."

Then Carlotta started to whine. "Oh, she must be hungry", Amy concluded, "do you want to feed her?"  
"Of course", Jack answered and moments later he said down on the couch with his youngest member of the family in his arms.

The one and for Amy only good thing about not being able to breastfeed was that other people were able to feed her as well. She knew that Ty loved it and obviously Jack enjoyed it too.

"So, Grandpa, are you sure you don't mind us all coming over to your place for Christmas Eve?" Amy asked while she was cleaning up the kitchen.  
"Of course not. Might get a little crowded but I guess we are used to that by now", Jack smiled.

"I don't think anyone has a problem with that", Amy smiled, "then we'll spent Christmas morning at home and come over to your place for a second Christmas breakfast?"  
"Lisa and I have been looking forward to it since weeks."  
"Great!"

At Tim's place things started to look a little better. Lisa and Ty decided to give Tim some space now and drove back home.  
"I'll pick you up at five, Tim. Don't wimp out!" Lisa told him before she left. When she got home, Jack was already waiting for her with a hot cup of coffee and a sandwich.

"Oh Jack, you are spoiling me", Lisa sighted when he handed her the coffee.

"Only the best for you", he smiled and kissed her.

He waited until Lisa sat down and ate her lunch until he finally asked: "So, how did it go?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You were at Tim's weren't you?"  
"Oh, well", Lisa cleaned herself from the crumbles with a napkin, "I think it went all right."  
"Really? What did he say?"  
"Is this an interrogation?" Lisa laughed even though she didn't feel like laughing at all.

"No, of course not. I'm just curious."

"Does it really matter what exactly has been said? Because I don't think it does. I just hope he'll think about it and comes to the conclusion that the best for himself would be to go to the hospital, sober out and then get some help."

"You are right", Jack gave in. He still wanted to know EXACTLY what has been said but accepted that Lisa wasn't going to tell him.  
"So what are you doing now?"  
"Nothing", Lisa smiled.  
"I was thinking that it might be a good day to get everybody out to choose a Christmas tree. Or Christmas trees since Lou and Amy will want one for themselves."  
"Sounds like a great plan. You make the calls and I'll change into something warmer, it's getting really cold outside."

"All right", Jack agreed and grabbed the phone.

Lisa changed into a thick pullover and then stood in front of the window for a while, watching the horses strolling around in the snow. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining brightly and the snow made everything look so pure.

Lisa had such a bad conscious about hiding her addiction from Jack now that Tim knew, that she started to worry about making the wrong decision. Maybe she should tell him. What harm would it do? But she knew as soon as she would stand in front of Jack and looked into his gentle face, she would never be able to tell him.

It was the darkest story of her life and ever since she was married to Jack she felt like she could finally make peace with it. Telling Jack would bring it into the presence too much, he would have questions, he would worry about her relapsing as soon as she took a pill, even if it was a vitamin. He would do all the things Dan did until he had enough of Lisa.

Lisa took a deep breath in. She knew she shouldn't hide this from Jack anymore. It was only a matter of time until Tim forgot about the promise he made to not say a world and chatted away her secret.

_But I can't, _Lisa thought, _it's just too embarrassing. _

She remembered the faces of her friends, her family and her husband all too well. The surprise, the disappointment, the judgement and the anger, all written in their faces. She couldn't bear that face from Jack.

"Lisa?" Jack tried to get his wife's attention for the third time.  
"Hm?" Lisa finally turned away from the window.

"What's wrong?"  
"What do you mean? Nothing."  
"I called you like ten times", Jack laughed.  
"Sorry, I was just caught in my thoughts", Lisa apologized, "what did you want?  
"Just wanted to tell you that we'll leave in an hour?"  
"Sure."

"Lisa, if there's anything you want to tell me, you know you can, right?" Jack looked at Lisa concerned. She hasn't been herself in the last couple of weeks, but he couldn't really say what it was that made her so… different. No, different was the wrong word, she was more like distracted and drifting off into her thoughts more than usual.

"I know, Jack", Lisa smiled insuring, "but I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Jack dug deeper.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's the holidays, they always make me a bit thoughtful, you know that."  
"All right then. I'll get the sled ready", Jack gave up and placed a gentle kiss on Lisa's forehead.

"I'll be with you as soon as I find my winter boots", Lisa answered and was relieved to have a couple of minutes alone.

At the same time Amy was doing her best to remain in control over her children. As soon as she had told Jase and Maylin that they were getting the Christmas trees the twins have been over the top with excitement. Finally Ty arrived home and helped her getting everyone dresses as warm as possible.

"I'll pick the tree for our house", Jase yelled through the house.  
"No, no, I'll pick it, I'll find the biggest one", Maylin yelled back.

"Hey you two, we'll find it together, okay?" Ty tried to calm them.

"Then I'll pick the one for GG", Jase demanded.  
"Jase, we will pick every tree together, don't be so competitive about a Christmas tree!" Amy scolded him.

"Do you think Carlotta will be fine in the BabyBjorn with me? I thought it might be the best way to keep her out of the cold air," Amy asked her husband.

"Yeah, put her little snowsuit on that Lisa got her, couple of blankets and then your jacket on top of everything – she'll be sweating", Ty laughed.

"I just don't want her to freeze", Amy defended herself.  
"I know honey, and I love you for being so concerned. But Carlotta will be fine with all those layers that'll keep her warm, right baby girl?"

A little later the family was all set for taking on the winter wonderland.

Lou, Peter, Katie, Georgie, Jack and Lisa were already outside, the horses were saddled and the sled ready for the twins, Amy, Jack and Carlotta. Everyone else got onto the horses and the troop made their way through the snow. It usually took the family hours to find the perfect tree but since Carlotta couldn't stay outside too long and Lisa had her meeting with Tim (which nobody else knew about) they decided to stay a little closer to Heartland and soon one tree after the other was chosen.

Jack, Peter and Ty made a whole science out of how to chop a Christmas tree the best way while the kids were busy making the thousandth snowmen that winter. Lou, Lisa and Amy were sitting under the blankets on the sled, enjoying the view.

"So, I have tea or mulled wine", Lisa held up two thermos jugs.

"Oh, mulled wine, please!" Amy answered and Lou asked: "Is there alcohol in the mulled wine?"  
Lisa and Amy looked at her at the same time. When did Lou ever care about alcohol in a drink? Unless…

"Uhm, I guess. Why?" Lisa asked with puckered brows. It was then when Lou noticed how obvious her question was and when her face lit up Lisa and Amy knew momentarily.  
"Oh my god, you are pregnant, aren't you?!" Amy exclaimed.

**Thank you so much for reading and supporting this fanfiction! And a special thanks to those who take the time to comment.**


	15. Chapter 15

**You guy's: Thank you so much for taking the time for reviewing on the last chapter! I wasn't sure whether or not I should continue this story-line but I'm glad you like it too and therefore I'll keep updating it. Next chapters will have more Amy and Ty in it again, but I just fell in love with Lisa being the one that can help Tim since she always had the "helper-syndrome" and because I felt like her character could use some depth. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! **

**Chapter 15**

**_"_****_Oh my god, you are pregnant, aren't you?!" Amy exclaimed._**

"Well - yeah", Lou laughed, feeling a bit uncomfortable because she hadn't told them yet. If it would have been summer and the time for more or less tight clothes they would have seen her baby bump already, Lou was already in the second trimester.  
"Oh Lou", Amy teared up and hugged her sister. Lisa did the same and when the men saw their women hugging they walked towards them to check out what was happening. Jack was over the top when he heard the good news and Ty was just as happy for Lou and Peter.

"We are having a baby", Katie yelled in excitement and threw herself around Lou. She always wanted to have a little sister.

"This is so amazing", Amy beamed with happiness for her sister.  
The family was on their way back to Heartland, three large Christmas trees on board with them. "You really think so?" Lou asked.

"What do you mean? Of course I think so! How could I not think so?" Amy laughed.

"I was so scared to tell you because of everything that has been going on with Carlotta and dad and", Lou explained herself rambling.

"Lou, how can you think for one second that I wouldn't be happy about you being pregnant? How far along are you anyway?"  
"I'm in the second trimester already", Lou smiled relieved by her sister's reaction."

"Wow, so far already! Oh Lou, why didn't you say anything?" Amy asked again.  
"I don't know. Peter wanted me to tell you guy's weeks ago but I felt like the timing was never right. I'm just glad you know now", Lou answered.

"Well, we'll have to think about expanding the house if we want the family to fit in in the future", Jack laughed. It was sweet to see him so happy, Lisa thought. There was nothing better than family for him, except a growing one.

At home the kids were allowed to watch a movie and the "grown-ups" gathered around the dinner table, enjoying the company. Lisa excused herself though and drove to Tim's place in order to pick him up. She was a bit nervous as she was driving. The meetings were always very private, those people there knew stuff about her that her own husband didn't know. She didn't exactly want Tim to be a part of that group, because she wanted it to stay her own "safe harbor" but she didn't see any other way to help him.

When she opened Tim's front door, she expected him to be lying in bed, or out of the house but the last thing she expected was Tim being ready to go.

"Hey Lisa", Tim greeted her.

"Hey. You ready to go?"  
"Jup", he answered and walked out of the house after Lisa. He has had a couple of drinks to calm his nerves, but not remotely as many as he usually had down at that time of the day. Lisa had become kind of like his life raft that day and he knew it was the best chance he would get to get back to his life. His hands were shaking when he tried to buckle up and Lisa did her best to ignore it.

They didn't say a word on the 90 minutes' drive. When Lisa parked the car, Tim said: "I lived here for such a long time and I didn't even know this town existed."

"I told you, no one knows us here", Lisa answered and walked towards the building with her heart beating up to her ears.

But her nervousness was nothing compared to Tim's. He would have done anything for a drink. Even though it was cold outside, sweat was running down his spine. He had to hide his hands in his pockets so that no one could see them shaking. When Tim hesitated to follow Lisa through the door she stopped walking and turned around so that she could look him in the face.  
"Look, Tim, I know this is the hardest step. I must admit, it isn't easy for me today either. But once you've made it into that room, you are on the right way. You've already made it so far today. Come on, let's go, or we'll be late."

"'kay," Tim sighted and finally followed her.

While Tim and Lisa were confronting their biggest problems, Amy and Ty were having one of the best times ever. They decided to put up the Christmas tree after Lou and Peter drove over to their place. Maylin and Jase were fighting over where to put the ornaments while Ty was lying on the couch, feeding Carlotta.

When Jase grabbed a little angel Amy was suddenly getting very sentimental and Jase noticed it right away.

"What's wrong mommy? Do you want to hand that angel?" he asked.  
"No, no, you do it. I have made that angel with my mom many, many years ago", Amy explained herself.  
"With Grandma?" Maylin asked. "Yes, with your grandma", Amy smiled sadly. "So with Lindy?" Jase asked. They haven't yet fully understood their slightly complicated family constellation.  
"No, with Marion. Lindy was my Grandmother and your GG's wife. Marion was my mom and Grandpa's wife", Amy explained one more time.  
"Oh yeah, and she was also auntie Lou's mom, right?" Maylin concluded.

"That's right", Amy smiled.  
"Do you miss her a lot?" Jase asked, getting the concept now.  
"Yes I do. But I know that she is still up there, in the sky, watching over us and keeping us save", Amy smiled and sat down on the ground, next to her children. She pulled both on her lap and kissed them gently.

Ty watched to whole scenario and was feeling for Amy. He wished that he could keep more harm from his wife.

At Fairfield, Lou's family was busy discussing baby names, deciding whether it should be a boy or a girl and where the baby's nursery should be. Lou was so relieved that her whole family finally new about her pregnancy that she could finally enjoy the feeling of being pregnant.

While Jack's offsprings were continuing the happiness of the day, he was getting nervous. He was feeding the horses before he checked his phone for a potential missed call. There was none. Lisa had been away for hours and hasn't called or sent a message. Since he knew that her schedule was mostly free from business meetings because she had planned to stay at home in order to enjoy the Christmas time with the family, Jack was starting to worry that something might have happened. He called her for the seventh time and finally got through to her.  
"Lisa, where are you?"

"I'm on my way home. I'll be there in 30 minutes", Lisa answered without exactly answering his questions.

"I was worried about you. Are you OK?" Jack asked.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I grabbed some dinner for us on the way."

"Okay. I love you", Jack said and Lisa instantly knew how worried he must have been. He barely ever said the three words.

"I'm sorry that I worried you", she apologized, honestly feeling bad about staying away for so long, "but I'll be right there."

"It's ok. Drive carefully, it's slippery."

"I will. Love you too."

"Jack?" Tim asked Lisa. He was sitting next to her on the passenger seat, trying to concentrate on something else than his cravings. It has been hours since his last drinks and he really needed one after the meeting.

"Yeah", Lisa answered, concentrating on the road. Jack was right, the road was covered with ice here and there and Lisa could feel the tires sliding only for moments every once in a while.

"Did you tell him?" Tim asked.

"No. I told him I had a business meeting, but he knows that's not true. That's why he got worried."

"Why don't you tell him?" Tim kept digging.  
"Because I want this to stay in the past", Lisa answered shortly and then asked Tim: "you have a choice to make now, Tim. I can drop you off at home and you'll open a bottle of scotch as soon as I leave your driveway. Or I can drop you off at the hospital and you'll be sobered up by Christmas and in treatment before the next year starts."

Tim swallowed hard. He didn't feel ready to make that step. Just one more night without having to resist the cravings. Just one more drink.

Lisa stopped the car at the point where she could turn right to Tim's house or left to the hospital.

_**So: Right or Left? **_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

* * *

_Lisa stopped the car at the point where she could turn right to Tim's house or left to the hospital. _

"Uh… I…", Tim tried to make a decision. "Lisa, this might be weird", Tim stuttered, "but, uhm, could we, like… could we open that damn wine bottle you bought for tonight?"  
"Tim!"

"I know… It's just… it has been hours and I can't think straight. If I'm going to get sober I might as well…", Tim made an excuse for himself.

Lisa parked the car on the side of the road, unbuckled and got out of the car. She opened trunk and got out the bottle of wine she had bought for Jack and herself.

She got back into the car and asked: "Do you have a corkscrew?"  
"Yes, I have one on my pocket knife", Tim answered but was unable to open the bottle due to his shaking hands.

"Let me", Lisa demanded and opened the bottle herself. She couldn't believe herself that she was actually doing that but she also understood that all Tim could concentrate right now was his craving for alcohol. And with that consuming his brain there was no way he would decide to sober up. It was way too painful.

There were no words spoken, Tim gratefully took the bottle out of Lisa's hands and emptied one third of it with one sip.

"Better?"

"Yeah", Tim answered, "this is awkward."

"Yes, it is", Lisa answered truthfully, "but don't worry about it. I'm fine with it so you can be fine with it. So what will it be? Left or right?"  
"You are never going to let me hear the end of it if I chose right, right?"

"Probably not. But it's your choice, I'm not gonna force you to do anything. If you do this, you have to do it because you want it and because you are doing it for yourself, not because you feel obligated to me or anyone else."

"I am kinda obligated to the Kids though", Tim remarked.

"Yes, as a father and a grandfather. You are also obligated to Julia as a partner. But regarding your addiction you are obligated to yourself to do the right thing. Whatever you think that is."

Tim took a deep breath in.  
"Just drive, woman!"  
"All right then", Lisa whispered and took the turn to the left.

* * *

It was getting late and Amy was cleaning up that day's mess her kids had left in the living room before Ty had brought them to bed. Carlotta was peacefully asleep in her crib and Amy was looking forward to a quiet evening with her husband.  
"Those two were exhausted, they fell asleep halfway through the story", Ty laughed when he walked into the living room. "Yeah, it was a long day", Amy smiled. "A good one, though", Ty added.

He sat down next to Amy on the couch and pulled her close. "A good one indeed", Amy agreed, "we got a Christmas card from your brother by the way."  
"Oh, I feel bad, I haven't talked to him since ages", Ty sighted.  
"I'm sure he understands with everything that has been going on. I sent them our Christmas card though, so he won't think we've forgotten about them", Amy smiled.  
"Aren't you just the best wife ever?" Ty laughed and pulled her even closer.  
"I don't know, you tell me", Amy laughed out loud.  
"Definitely top five. Maybe even top three," Ty joked.  
"Really? TOP 3? And here I thought I've made it all the way to the top."

"Well… that's not an easy decision to make", Ty whispered in-between kissing Amy, "but maybe", he said as their kisses got deeper, "well... definitely top 3."

"Hmm, that sounds better", Amy whispered and kept kissing Ty passionately. "Maybe even top 2", Ty sighed. Then Amy slowly took of her shirt before starting to kiss Ty again. "Oh screw it. You're it. Best wife in the world", Ty laughed, gazing at his beautiful wife.

A while later Amy rested her head on Ty's chest. They had landed in their bedroom and enjoyed the peace and quiet.  
"I think this is going to be one of the best Christmases ever", Amy sighted. "I still can't believe we have THREE children now. Santa definitely has his hands full this year", Ty joked. "Yeah", Amy whispered, "I can't say how relieved I am that Carlotta is home. Sometimes I just stare at her for minutes without noticing that time is passing."  
"I know what you mean", Ty smiled.  
"I just wish", Amy sighted but stopped mid-sentence. "You just wish what?" Ty asked. "I just kinda wish that Dad would spend Christmas with us too. It's hard enough without Mom…"

"I know. Just give him a bit more time", Ty said.  
"You think he'll get it together if we give him more time?" Amy murmured.  
"I don't know", Ty admitted, "but I was over at his place earlier today. Lisa was already there too and somehow convinced him to clean up the mess and to take a shower. It seemed like he was in a better spirit."

"That doesn't sound too bad… You never mentioned that you wanted to visit him today", Amy remarked.  
"It was sort of spontaneous. I don't know what I was expecting but I thought I could give it another try."  
"And Lisa was already there?" Amy asked.  
"Yes. She must have said something to him that got through to him", Ty answered.  
"I wondered what that was", Amy thought out loud. "So did I. She looked kind of caught when she noticed me", Ty said.  
"Caught? What do you mean?"  
"I don't know… Just shocked, or even scared. As if she was afraid that I heard too much or something. DON'T interpret to much in this, Amy, I was just wondering", Ty explained himself and Amy chuckled: "You do realize that what you just told me leaves me no other choice than to agonize over this all night now!"  
"Well, I'll do my very best to distract you", Ty whispered and pulled Amy even closer. "Try your best, cowboy", Amy whispered and let her husband's gently touch happen.

* * *

At the same time Lisa and Jack just finished their dinner. Jack had tried his best not to ask further questions about Lisa's afternoon but could barely stand it anymore. She hadn't mentioned it with one word which was interpreted as a bad sign for Jack.

"So, how was your afternoon", Jack asked as casually as possible. Of course Lisa saw right through him immediately. "It was fine, thanks", she answered in a high pitched voice. Lisa was getting tired of lying but couldn't face the fact that she eventually had to talk to her husband yet.

"Good. We missed you here", Jack commented. "Well, I'd rather have spent my afternoon with you guys but I had some stuff to get caught on", Lisa replied slightly annoyed, "I'm here now, though, so why don't we enjoy the peace and quiet?"

"You're right", Jack sighted and carefully grabbed Lisa by her arm when she was about to put refill their wine glasses. "I don't want to pressure you or to force you into talking to me. I'll say this one more time and then I'll let it be: You can talk to me, no matter what is going on."

Lisa took a deep breath in. Her head was so full with thoughts at that point that all she really wanted to do was to get outside and to go on a long ride through the snow to get a clear head again. On the other hand, maybe this was the perfect timing to tell Jack. He was suspecting bad news anyway so she might as well give them to him. She looked up and straight into his eyes. And there it was again. That strange feeling that forced her to keep her mouth shut. She just couldn't disappoint him like that, could embarrass herself in front of him like that. So instead of telling Jack what was on her mind she said: "I know. And I love you for that. But right now all I really want to do is to settle down in front of the fireplace with you and talk about the rest of YOUR day."  
Jack cursed himself for pushing too hard again but didn't say anything. He kissed Lisa and then made his way to the living room to get the fire going.

* * *

At the same time everyone else of the family was finding some rest, Tim was going through the painful experience of detoxification. He was sure he could actually feel the alcohol leave his body, leaving pain and exasperation behind.

* * *

The next morning Ty and Amy woke up by the sounds of footsteps. Maylin was crawling on the bed of her parents and nestled down between them. Only moments later Jase followed his sister and did the same. "Good morning you two", Amy kissed both of them on top of their heads, "did you sleep well?"  
Still a bit drowsy both of them nodded. "How about I get up and make us some of the best pancakes in the world, hm?" Ty asked.

"Yeah, chocolate chip pancakes, daddy!" Maylin nodded.

"Chocolate chip pancakes it is", Ty smiled and got up.

"Hey Ty, why don't you bring Carlotta to bed too? She's gonna wake up any moment now anyhow", Amy asked. "Of course", Ty agreed, kissed his wife real quick and then gently got his youngest daughter out of the crib and laid her in Amy's arms.  
"Mommy, can I hold her?" Maylin asked right away. "I want to hold her too", Jase demanded.  
"Of course", Amy laughed and then told Maylin to lean against the head of the bed and told her how to hold her little sister. Maylin and Jase were occupied with cuddling there sister until their father got back to the bedroom with a tray full of steaming pancakes, orange juice and coffee.  
"Yummiii", Jase yelled and almost forgot to watch Carlotta's head. Amy gently took Carlotta into her arms again and waited until the rest of the family was settled with their plates until she took her cup of coffee into her hands.  
"Oh, before I forget, we have a message on the answering machine but I didn't listen to it yet", Ty mentioned. "All right", Amy said in between two bites. After an hour long breakfast with stories and jokes being told, juice spilled and last Christmas wishes being mentioned Amy and Ty decided that it was time to get out of bed. Everyone got dressed and ready for the day. Maylin and Jase were as strong headed as their parents so neither of them needed any support in getting dressed anymore. They disappeared into their rooms to change out of their pajamas, Ty was getting Carlotta ready and Amy cleaned up the mess that resulted from the breakfast. Then she listened to the message on the answering machine Ty had mentioned. It was from last night.  
_"Hey Amy",_ Amy recognized the voice right away. It was her dad's: "_I just wanted you to know that I'm so, so sorry about everything. But I'm getting help, I promise. I'll be gone for a couple of days but I will be thinking about all of you all the time. I'll be OK. I love you",_ Tim whispered. He sounded like he was crying, Amy though. And so did she – crocodile tears of relieve started to make their way down her cheeks.  
"Amy, you OK?" Ty asked when he saw his wife standing in the kitchen crying.  
"Yeah, I'm more than OK. I think dad got the help he needs. The message was from him", Amy explained and played it one more time for Ty.

"That's great", Ty sighted and embraced Amy. "I'm so relieved", Amy cried. "Me too", Ty admitted. "This is a true Christmas miracle", Amy joked.  
"What is?" Maylin asked, who just entered the room.

* * *

_Thank you dear Guest, GBK and tidefn1 for taking the time to comment on the last chapter! I really appreciate it, so thanks! I hope you liked this chapter, it's not very long, I'm sorry about that but it has lots of Tamy:) (Next will probably have more of Jack and Lisa and then we're getting close to the end of this story). _

_I looooooove reviews so feel free to tell me what you think!_


	17. Chapter 17

**The following chapter is a lot about Jack and Lisa because I felt like they finally needed to have that conversation. I had a very hard time deciding how Jack would react to the news Lisa had for him. I hope you'll be satisfied. Next chapters will have everyone else in it again :) I hope you like it anyway of course. **

**A big thank you to all of you for commenting on the last chapter, I means so much to me, thank you!**

* * *

**Chapter 17 **

Amy called Lou to check whether or not she already knew about the good news. It turned out that she did, Tim had called her the night before as well and explained her that he was staying in the hospital for a while to sober up and that he would probably stay at a rehab facility for a while afterwards because that would be the safest way for him to get back on track. Amy wasn't sure if he had been at rehab before or if he had done it without any outside help but forgot to ask Lou. It was happening so fast suddenly that Amy still couldn't believe that Tim was seriously trying to get better.

They took the kids outside and let them play around the stable. Amy wanted to find out if Jack knew about Tim's sudden decision to make some changes but couldn't find him in or around the ranch. It was unusual for him to be inside the house at that time of the day but Amy left Ty in charge of the twins and took Carlotta with her when she walked towards the house she grew up in.

Jack and Lisa were sitting in the living room, discussing something Amy couldn't understand. "Hey you two, is this a bad time?" Amy asked before she took her shoes and jacket off.  
"No, of course not", Jack smiled. "Never", Lisa smiled too and took Carlotta out of Amy's arms so that she could take off her jacket. "Hey little girl, look at you, it seems like she's getting bigger each day", Lisa commented and placed a gently kiss on Carlotta's forehead.  
"Yeah, she keeps growing and growing", Amy smiled. "Just how it should be", Jack remarked.

"So, have you heard the good news?" Amy asked.

"What good news?" Jack wondered.  
"Dad got himself to the hospital last night. He obviously suddenly thinks it's a good idea to sober up with professional help", Amy explained, still feeling so relieved that something changed her father's attitude.  
"You don't say!" Jack said surprised, "That comes out of the blue!"  
Lisa did her best to act surprised and said: "That's great!"

"Yeah, it really is! I don't know what changed his mind but he left a message and sounded really certain about getting better", Amy said. She hadn't noticed that Lisa's surprise was kind of fake but her husband had noticed her high pitched voice right away. If there was one thing Lisa was really bad at then it would be telling a lie. After a while Carlotta started to cry and Amy decided that it was time for her bottle and went back to her house.

Lisa was making herself ready for a ride through the winterwonderland when Jack walked into their bedroom and watched her for a while.  
"You wanna come?" Lisa asked with a smile on her face.  
"Not before you explain your quite fake surprisement when Amy told us that Tim admitted himself to the hospital", Jack grunted. He loved his wife and he had been patient with her but eventually enough was enough. He needed the truth and he needed it now. Jack's words threw Lisa of her guard and she froze.  
"I… uhm..", she stuttered but didn't know what to say.  
"Lisa, honestly, I have been nothing but patient with you. But I really don't think I can tiptoe around you any longer without knowing what we're tiptoeing around!"  
Lisa took a deep breath in, leaned against the closet and then whispered: "I knew that Tim admitted himself to the hospital because I was the one that drove him there yesterday evening."  
Now it was Jack who didn't know what to say except for: "What?"  
"I talked to him and he finally gave in and let me drive him to the hospital. It was me who convinced him that at this point he shouldn't detoxicate without medical supervision", Lisa explained slowly.

"You came home yesterday, telling me some weird white lye that I never believed anyhow instead of telling me the simple truth because you drove Tim to the hospital?! What in the world Lisa, why didn't you just tell me?" Jack burst out. He felt betrayed and couldn't stand the fact that his wife didn't trust him enough to tell him what she had done.  
"I… I don't know. Tim didn't want me to tell anyone and I understood that. I had no idea that he had called the girls and told them. I thought he wouldn't contact anyone until he was out of the woods. I would have told you if I would have known that he would tell everyone anyhow…"  
"Well, that's very honorable of you but come on Lisa, you could have told me! Don't you trust me? What would you have said when we would have discovered that Tim wasn't around anymore? More lies?" Jack asked. If there was one thing he hated the most it was lying and he hated it even more when it came from a person he loved.  
"Of course I trust you", Lisa sighted – she didn't know what to say, she knew Jack was seriously hurt by her behavior, she knew he deserved answers to his questions but she also knew that he would be even more hurt after hearing the whole story.  
Jack looked at Lisa and noticed that she was trying to hold back tears. His heart sunk but he told himself not to get distracted by her tears. They needed this conversation, even if it was painful.  
"Then what did you say to him that made him change his mind about everything?" he asked a littler gentler.  
"Does it really matter what I said?" Lisa whispered.  
"Lisa, you are hiding something from me and I'm OK with us not sharing every little detail of our lives. You have yours and I have mine, you have your own past and I have mine. But something is obviously bothering you and at this point I feel like you are having some heavy trust issues because you don't seem to believe enough in our relationship to tell me what it is."  
"Oh Jack, it has nothing to do with us or you. I just… I…", Lisa slowly started to crack, "There is something I've never told you…"  
"Ok?"  
"I trust you, I trust you with all my heart. I know I can tell you everything and keeping this from you has nothing to do with not trusting you. I just wanted to keep this in the past, where it belongs. Falling in love with you was a fresh start, away from everything that has happened in the past. I didn't want to… to bring the past in the present again. And I'm afraid that I will if I will tell you about it…", Lisa started to explain herself but again couldn't find the right words.  
"I don't know what to tell you that'll give you the confidence to say whatever's on your mind. But Lis, whatever it is, we will get through it", Jack tried to calm her and made a step towards her. Lisa sunk down to the ground and barely noticed that Jack sat down next to her, both of them leaning against the closet with their backs. They didn't touch each other but just having Jack so near gave Lisa the strength to say: "I knew what to tell Tim because I went through the same thing years ago."  
Lisa's words saddened Jack's heart. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what he had expected. He knew that Tim's relapse had triggered something off but the truth was more painful than the thoughts that he had had in his head.  
"Lisa", he whispered. Jack felt sorry for Lisa but moreover anger made it's way into his heart: "Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Oh Jack, don't ask me that question", Lisa cried, "I don't have a better answer than the fact that I didn't want this to affect our relationship and… and that I never wanted to see the expression on your face that you have right now."

"I don't know what to say", Jack whispered, hundreds of questions running through his mind. "When and what and… and… and why and how long", he stuttered and turned his head to the side so that he could look into Lisa's husky eyes. But she avoided the eye contact and rested her head on her knees. Then she took a deep breath in and told herself that it was time to tell Jack the full story. She told him about that time as a teenager and about her relapse after the death of her daughters. Jack needed time to process but more importantly he needed to get through to Lisa – even though she told him about the darkest time of her life he felt like she was building a wall around herself with every word she said.

"Lisa, look at me", Jack ordered very gently. Lisa couldn't stand the look on Jack's face and still avoided to look him in the eyes. She felt too embarrassed, too vulnerable.  
"Look at me", Jack said again and gently took her head in his hands so that she couldn't avoid looking him in the eyes.  
"Thank you for telling me, Lisa", he said, "It's ok."

"I'm so sorry", Lisa cried.  
"Don't be. Do I wish I would have known? Yes, definitely. But I also understand why you never found the right time to say anything."  
"I don't want anything to change between us", Lisa whispered, "I don't want this do affect _us."  
_"Lisa, how is this supposed to affect us? This doesn't change the way I feel for you. It doesn't change the way I look at you. And if it does change than only to the better. I love you for _you, _with all your faults. Am I disappointed that you didn't tell me sooner? Honestly? Yes. But like I said, I understand why you didn't dare to say anything."  
The tension that had built up left Lisa's body and she finally collapsed in Jack's arms. She didn't cry, she just let Jack hold her tightly.

"I'm so ashamed", Lisa whispered so quietly that Jack almost didn't hear what she said.  
"No…no, don't be ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of", Jack whispered back.  
"After all these years I still feel like I've failed", Lisa admitted, still whispering in Jack arms.

"You recovered. You regained control. Twice. You are not a failure, Lis. You are a fighter and you got out of the addiction. Would you tell Tim that he's a failure?" Jack tried to convince Lisa. "Of course not", Lisa murmured.

"Then don't tell yourself that you are. You're not."

Lisa finally lifted her head. She wanted to say something but it felt like everything was already said. Jack wiped away one of her tears and kissed her.


	18. Chapter 18

My dear readers - thank you so much for still reading this story and moreover a big thank you to those of you that took the time to review. It's definitely one of the highlights of posting a new chapter. I hope you like this rather fluffy chapter. I feel like we're getting to the end of this storyline so if there is anything you would like to read about just let me know.

All the best!

Chapter 18

The next couple of days went by in no time for everyone. Tim had called his daughters once but only to tell them that he wouldn't be with them for Christmas because he was going to rehab. Of course Amy was slightly sad because she wouldn't have all of her family at home for the holidays but was more than happy about Tim's decision to accept the help that he needed.

Lou's baby bump was growing steadily and it seemed like Katie and Georgie were just as thrilled about the new addition to the family as Lou and Peter. It seemed like the Christmas spirit had reached every household of the Bartlett / Flemming / Morris clan. Only Jack and Lisa were having some troubles with getting back to normality.

There was a constant tension in their home. Jack was struggling to find the right words for Lisa, he didn't want to treat her any different than before but suddenly didn't know how he had been treading her before.

Lisa on the other hand felt lost those days, she struggled the most to get back into the spirit of Christmas. She felt vulnerable which had always been one of the feelings Lisa detested the most. She found an excuse to get out of the house as often as possible: she took her goddaughter out for a little Christmas shopping, went riding for hours, checked in with the horses at Fairfield.

On the 24th Amy crawled out of her bed before anyone else of her family was awake and wrapped herself in her bathrobe. She tiptoed to the kitchen where she turned on the coffee machine and waited until there was enough to fill a cup. Then Amy turned on the light in the family room and stared at their Christmas tree for a little while with the steaming cup of coffee in her hands. She leaned on the doorframe and let herself dream for a second how marvelous it would be, if her mom would be there to spend those special Christmas days with them. How happy Marion would be with all of her grandchildren. Amy wondered, whether Marion would have forgiven Tim and tried to imagine how it would have been if they would have gotten back together. Just when she decided that they probably never would have gotten back together a voice interrupted her daydream.

"Amy, you OK?"  
Until that moment Amy hadn't noticed that cautious tears were running down her face. She wiped them away before she lifted her head.  
"Yeah", she whispered but couldn't fool her husband. Ty walked towards her and brushed a strand of hair behind Amy's ear before he kissed her on her forehead.

"What's wrong?" he asked whispering.

"I don't know", Amy cried quietly, "I just started thinking about… about how nice it would be if mom and dad could be here with us this Christmas. She loved children so much, imagine how much fun the kids would have had with her. Oh Ty, I miss her so much and now with everything dad is going through", Amy sobbed.

"I know", Ty whispered while taking the cup of coffee out of Amy's hands. He placed it on the living room table and then wrapped his arms around Amy.

"I can't even imagine what she was going through after dad's accident. Lou and I were still so young and she was all alone. I couldn't do this without you, with our kids, but she was forced to do it all alone."  
"She was a truly fantastic woman", Ty smiled, feeling sad himself. If it wasn't for Marion, he wouldn't be where he was.

"Not once did she talk badly about dad in front of us, even though she had every right to. I just wish she could have the chance to forgive dad. Like Lou and I had, you know?"  
"I think your mom forgave him long before she passed away", Ty replied.

"Maybe", Amy sighted while wiping away the tears, "I'm sorry for being such a crybaby. I should be so happy with Carlotta home and with dad in rehab. I guess I am just having a sentimental morning."

"You don't need to apologize. The holidays can be hard, even if they give us so many reasons to be happy", Ty smiled, relieved that his wife was feeling better.

"I love you", Amy smiled and lifted her head to that she could place a gently kiss on Ty's lips.

"I love you too", Ty replied before he kissed her back.

"You know, the kids might be asleep for another hour or so", Amy smirked.  
"And what should we do with that hour of freedom?"

"Oh, I have a couple of ideas", Amy smiled affectionately.

"Really?" Ty smirked.

"Oh yeah", Amy laughed and led him to their bedroom.

At the same time Lisa was lying sleeplessly in bed. She very, very rarely got up before Jack, usually only when she had a flight to catch. Lisa sighted when she realized that she wouldn't fall back asleep and got up very silently so that she wouldn't wake up her husband. He would be up in half an hour which was just enough time to make breakfast for both of them. The last days weren't easy for them and Lisa knew that she wasn't the only one having a hard time. She was making her way into the kitchen and started to make some coffee and scrambled eggs. She even got the newspapers inside before Jack woke up and appeared in the kitchen.

"You're up early", he murmured, not entirely woken up yet.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep", Lisa smiled, "want some eggs?"  
"Sure, thank you", Jack replied while pouring two cups of coffee.

Moments later they were sitting at the kitchen table, eating their breakfast while reading the news. Lisa was pretty much staring at the newspapers without reading a word. She wondered if she made a terrible mistake with telling Jack the truth. They seemed to be more distanced from each other than ever before and Lisa doubted that she could bear that situation much longer.

"So, I was wondering", she broke the silence, "what do you think about going on a Christmas ride together? Before the crazy starts tonight with everyone else in the house? I think – I think some time alone might be good."

Jack looked at her with a puzzled face expression. He had been feeling like Lisa didn't want to spent more time than absolutely necessary with him the last days and was a little relieved when she suggested the ride: "Of course", he answered, "I'd love to."

"Good", Lisa smiled.

They finished their breakfast and then changed into their outside gear. They walked towards the stables together, fed the horses and then saddled up their horses. The couple rode side by side in silence for a while before Lisa cleared her throat and said: "I'm really glad that Tim admitted himself to rehab. It's going to be really good for him."  
"Yeah, thanks to you", Jack murmured.

"Hm", Lisa made a sound Jack didn't know how to interpret.

"You know, I am grateful that you broke your silence and convinced Tim to get himself some help."  
"I didn't convince him to do anything. He just needed a little push in the right direction", Lisa sighted.  
"Well, then I'm grateful you did the pushing."

"I'm glad it worked", Lisa replied, hating how awkward the conversation was taking course. "Lisa, I really don't know what to do", Jack burst out, "I feel like whatever I say to you I never pick the right words, whenever I look at you, you misinterpreted it."  
"That's not true", Lisa defended herself, "Jack, there is nothing you need to do. I didn't tell you because I wanted you to do anything. As a matter of fact I never told you before because I didn't want anything to change. Just… go back to normal. Please..", Lisa pleaded.

"I'm trying. But… I kinda feel like there is that huge part of you that I don't know anything about. I feels weird, you know?"

"I guess… I just don't know, what to tell you, Jack. God, I don't know what to tell you…", she whispered the last sentence. Jack looked at her with compassion in his eyes. "You know me better than anyone, Jack. You did, even before you knew about my… my addiction. You know me", she repeated herself, "and it isn't a huge part of me that you didn't know about. It might be a big part of my past that you just found out about but it has next to nothing to do with the presence. We have been together for so many years now, been through so much. You know me and we can rely on the fact that our marriage is true and strong."

Jack thought about her words for a moment and then replied: "I used to believe that and part of me still does. I'm not saying that I believe our marriage isn't based on honesty because there were never any lies between us. But first with the loss of your babies and then this… It kinda makes me wonder what more there is. What other secrets you've got in store."  
"I understand that. I really do, Jack. But you know, there is so much about you and Lindy for example that I don't know anything about and probably never will. We both have our own history that happened before we got together and I think it's only normal that it unravels slowly. What I told you is nothing that was ever important for our relationship before. It's something from my past that took me too long to share with you in the present. That's all. No more secrets", Lisa smiled, hoping Jack could trust her.

They slowed down their horses and Jack leaned over to take Lisa's left hand into his. He gently stroke over her wedding rings and then said: "There is nothing you can tell me that'll make me love you any less, Lisa. I know I should probably tell you this more often. I told you, you can tell me anything and I'll stand by my words. Don't think that anything has changed. I love you, I love sharing my life with you. But no secrets sounds pretty good to me."

"I love sharing my life with you too", Lisa said and leaned towards Jack so that they could kiss. "Thank you for being the best husband in the world."  
"Well, you're welcome", Jack chuckled.

Later that day everyone met at Jack's and Lisa's house to start the festivities. Lots and lots of food was served and eaten, the kids were cheerfully playing in the living room while the rest was still sitting around the dinner table.

The mood was Christmassy jolly and everyone was enjoying themselves. Soon the kids were starting to become tired and Ty and Amy decided that it was time to tuck them in. A little later Peter and Lou took their girls back to Fairfield and Jack and Lisa were alone again. The family had decided before, that they would gather around for a big Christmas breakfast in the morning, after the kids unraveled their gifts. That gave each little family time to themselves, to celebrate Christmas morning without the lovely chaos of everyone getting together.

As soon as Maylin and Jase were asleep, Amy and Ty started to place the Christmas presents under the tree. Since Carlotta was still too young to even know what Christmas meant, there were no gifts for her under the tree yet.

"Do you think they are going to sneak out of bed tonight?" Amy asked Ty while placing the last present under the tree.

"Maybe", Ty laughed, "but they were terribly tired, I think they might just sleep through the night."

Ty couldn't have been more wrong. Only a few hours after he and Amy fell asleep Maylin was suddenly wide awake. She was too excited to fall back asleep – maybe Santa was downstairs right that second. She crawled out of her bed and tiptoed over to Jase's bed.

"Wake up, wake up", she whispered.

"What?" Jase grunted as soon as he was awake.

"I want to check if Santa is here."  
"He won't come as long as you're not asleep, he knows when you are awake, remember?"

"But we just woke up, maybe he's still there", Maylin whispered, "or maybe he was already there."

"Fine, let's go", Jase agreed, convinced by his sister's words.

They tiptoed to the living room very quietly.

"Look, look, he was already here!", Maylin whispered excitedly the moment she saw the presents underneath the Christmas tree.  
"So many", Jase whispered in awe, "and he drank all of the milk and look, he took the cookies." Of course it had been Ty who took the milk and cookies but Maylin and Jase were over the moon.

While the twins were trying to figure out what was hiding underneath the wrapping paper they didn't notice that their mother was standing in the doorframe, watching her children amused. After a few moments Amy interrupted their guessing: "Hey you two, what are you doing here?"

"Mom, look, Santa was here!" Maylin exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know", Amy smiled, "look at how many presents he brought for you."  
"SO many", Jase agreed.

"Can we just open one now?" Maylin begged.  
Amy laughed: "No way. You two go back to bed right now, or I think Santa might be pretty disappointed. You can open every single one in the morning."

"Fine", Maylin gave in and Amy led them back to their room, holding them by their hands.

"Can you read us a story?" Jase asked when Amy placed a gently kiss on his forehead.

"Jase, do you know what time it is?" Amy laughed, "you are supposed to sleep."  
"But mom, we can't sleep", Maylin complained.

"Fine, ONE short story", Amy gave in. After a couple of minutes both of them were peacefully asleep again. Amy turned off the light and checked in with Carlotta before she went to bed again.

"Everything OK?" Ty whispered when Amy snuggled up against him. "Yeah. The twins were checking in with Santa", Amy smiled.

Ty chuckled and wrapped his arms around Amy: "THAT they got from their mother."


	19. Chapter 19

**Merry Christmas everyone!  
I didn't have the time to write a longer chapter but wanted to share something with you today, since I think we could all use a little fluffy Heartland-Christmasspirit. I hope you like it! I was struggling quiet a bit to find the right words for describing the gifts - I hope you can understand what I mean. **

**Dear callmebethanyy, thank you soooo much for your awesome review, I love that you read both stories again! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it. Merry Christmas!**

**Dear GKB, as always, thank you so much for taking the time to comment every single chapter, you're awesome! Merry Christmas!**

**Dear Ace Bullets, you made my day! Your review makes me so happy because you think the exact same way as I do. I love all the bitter-sweetness about the holidays, Lisa's confession, Tim's rehab. Thank you so much for your long comment on the last chapter, it made me very happy. Merry Christmas!**

**Der Titia, thank you so much for letting me know how much you enjoy reading this fanfiction, it really makes uploading new chapters so much more fun. Merry Christmas! **

**Chapter 19 ~ Christmas at Heartland **

Amy and Ty slept peacefully for the next hours until their children Maylin and Jase stormed into the room, jumped on the bed, screaming and yelling, eager to wake their sleepy parents up.

"Wake up, wake up, mommy, daddy, wake up", Jase called.

"All right, all right", Ty laughed. Her rolled over to place a quick kiss on his wife's lips and whispered "Merry Christmas" to her, before they got out of bed. Amy took Carlotta out of the crib and moments later the twins finally got to open their presents. Amy and Ty were watching them with joy and soon the kids were playing with their new toys beside the Christmas tree.

"I know we said no gifts for us, but I just couldn't resist", Ty said while pulling a small gift out of his bathrobe pocket.

"Oh Ty, you shouldn't have", Amy smiled.

"Well, you deserve it."

Amy took the small package out of his husbands hands and carefully opened the ribbon. Inside was the most beautiful piece of jewelry Amy could have imagined.

"Oh my god, Ty, it's so beautiful!" Amy whispered.  
"Do you like it?"  
"Like it? I love it!" she said while taking the ring out of the box. Threes shimmering and delicate horseshoes were embedded in the silver ring.  
"One for every child", Ty smiled, glad to see Amy happy.

"It is so beautiful, thank you Ty", Amy smiled before kissing him.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Luckily I couldn't resist either", Amy laughed and quickly walked into her bedroom where she grabbed a gift that she had hidden inside her closet.

"It's not as beautiful as my ring but I hope useful", Amy smiled while handing Ty the present.

Ty slowly unraveled a lined doctor's overall with the heartland logo on the front pocket. On the inside pocket were five names embroidered: Maylin, Jase, Carlotta, Amy and Ty.

"You were always complaining how cold it is during winter when you need to wear your lap coat for work. I thought this might help. And since your Job definitely isn't always the easiest one, I thought you could use something to cheer you up whenever you have a hard day. You just look at the inside pocket when you're down and remember that we're all here for you", Amy explained her gift.  
"Oh, you are the best Amy, this will definitely help", Ty laughed and kissed his girl.

The Christmas morning for Jack and Lisa passed a little calmer. They got up almost as early as usually, Jack turned the coffee machine on and when Lisa walked into the kitchen the first cup of coffee was already waiting for her.

"Merry Christmas", Lisa smiled. "Merry Christmas to you too", Jack smiled back and embraced her before placing a loving kiss on her lips. Since they weren't having breakfast for the next two hours until the rest of the family would join them the couple snuggled up to each other on the couch in the living room.

The Christmas tree stood with all its glory next to the fireplace with presents for the whole clan underneath it.

Lisa and Jack were silently enjoying each other's company, happy to be together. Lisa was just about to drift off in her husband's arms when Jack said: "I really don't want this morning to end but I think we should get the breakfast ready before everybody gets here."

Lisa sighted: "Hm, you're right. Just five more minutes."

Jack chuckled: "In that case, I have a little gift for you that you could open now", he said and handed Lisa a small package.

Lisa husky eyes lightened up. She loved presents just as much as she loved making a present to somebody else. Jack loved seeing the sparkle in his wife's eyes while she opened the little box. Inside was a beautiful slender silver ring that looked like her wedding ring but was beset with little diamonds all around it.

"Oh Jack, it's beautiful", Lisa whispered, holding back happy tears.  
"I thought, regarding the last couple of months of our relationship you could use something that reminds you again that we'll be together, no matter what", Jack smiled, happy that he found the right gift for Lisa.

She slid the ring on her left ring finger, on top of her wedding and engagement ring.

"I love it", Lisa smiled and leaned over so that she could thankfully kiss her husband, "you are the best."

"I heard that rumor", Jack smiled and passionately returned the kiss.

Then they set the table and made a huge breakfast for the whole family. With everything that had been going on that year everybody was enjoying the time of love, forgiveness, happiness and relaxation on the 25th of December.


	20. Chapter 20

What can I say? Dearest gpignataro, BK69, callmebethanyyy, GKB, Anna, mmichaela, Ace Bullets: you guys made my day! I was so thrilled by your fast feedback that I felt the urge to post a new chapter as fast as possible! I hope you like Lisa's gift for Jack, Ace Bullets.

Thank you so much for your reviews, I hope you had a great Christmastime and like the new chapter in which Tim makes a huuuge step towards recovery.

* * *

After a day full of joy Lou and Peter took their kids back to Fairfield, Amy and Ty took theirs back home and soon Lisa and Jack were alone again. They were cleaning up the house, sharing a bottle of vine and recapitulation the day when Lisa said:

"You didn't get my gift yet."

Jack looked up from the dishes and smirked. He hadn't even noticed.

"I didn't want to give it to you while the house was full with people. It might shock you at first and if you are absolutely against it, Amy already agreed to take… your gift", Lisa smiled, "but of course I hope you'll keep it."

Jack laughed nervously: "Lisa, what did you do?"

"Well, I have this friend that breeds the most amazing _farm helpers_", Lisa tried not to ruin the surprise, "and since you are out there alone most of the times I thought you could use a little extra help."

"Ok?"

"Stay here", Lisa ordered and rushed outside where Amy was waiting to hand the gift over to Lisa.  
"Thanks Amy", Lisa smiled.

"Do you think he'll be exited?" Amy asked doubtfully.

"I sure hope."

"We'll stand by our word, if he won't, Ty and I will be happy to take her", Amy reassured and then watched Lisa while she walked back into the house.

Jack, who was waiting inside the kitchen was slowly getting anxious. What, if he hated Lisa's gift? He was terrible at hiding things, she would know right away and would surely be awfully disappointed. What, if she bought a house for them in France? What if she planned a round-the-world trip? But she must know him better than that, Jack thought. And she had said that she would give him something that would help him around the farm.

While Jack was still racking his brain a beautiful, full grown Australian Shepherd stormed into the kitchen, spotted Jack and immediately ran towards him, tossed himself on the ground and expected Jack to scratch his belly.

Before thinking Jack bend down and did so. When Lisa walked into the room she found her husband already cuddling with the dog.

"Hey, I'm already getting jealous", Lisa laughed.

"I don't know what to say", Jack smiled, unsure if he loved or hated his gift.

"His name is Dawson, he is close to a year and was highly trained as a herding dog but still needs to learn a lot, as his breeder says. But I hope he'll be a big help for you", Lisa explained a little insecure.

"Lisa, I don't know what to say", Jack said but laughed when Dawson barked as if he wanted to say "How could you not like me?"

"I know a dog isn't exactly the right Christmas present but I really thought that it is a good idea."  
"It's a really good idea", Jack finally agreed. He always had dogs until he got together with Lindy, who was allergic to them. After Lindy died, Jack never had the time to get a dog and when Amy brought one animal after the other home Jack never spent another thought about getting a dog for himself.

Lisa sighted relieved. She had been afraid all day that she would ruin Christmas because of an unwelcome present. But it was obvious that there was already a connection between Dawson and Jack.

"I hope this is not your way of telling me that you are about to spent the next months in France and Dawson is your replacement", Jack laughed.

"Don't worry, old man, you'll not get rid of me that fast", Lisa joked.

Jack got up and gently kissed his wife: "Thank you."

"You're welcome", Lisa smiled.

* * *

At the same time Amy and Ty finally got some peace and quiet as well: all the kids were asleep. "What a wonderful day", Amy sighed as she sat down on the couch next to Ty.

"What did Jack say about his Christmas present from Lisa?" Ty asked.

"I don't know, but Lisa seemed a little nervous", Amy laughed, "but I'm sure he'll love that little guy. He might need some time to get used to the idea of having a dog again, but he always talks about his deceased dogs…"

"Yeah, I think he'll get used to Dawson pretty fast", Ty smiled. He wrapped his arms around Amy and for the next few moments neither of them said anything.

"Oh Amy, I almost forgot. There's a letter for you on the kitchen counter", Ty interrupted the silence.  
"From whom?"

"I think it's from your dad" Ty answered.

"Really?" Amy got up and came back with the letter in her hands. She sat down on the couch again and carefully opened the letter. "I'm not sure if I really want to read it", she sighted.

"You don't have to do it today", Ty said understanding Amy's hesitation but Amy started reading it anyway. When tears started to roll down her face, Ty wrapped his arms around her again and as soon as Amy was done reading he asked. "You OK?"

"Yeah. He wishes us merry Christmas and is sorry that he couldn't be here with us."  
"Happy tears?"

Amy laughed: "I don't know. Both I guess."

The day ended peacefully for everyone and soon the festivities were over and the everyday life returned.

Jack and Dawson were rarely ever seen without each other and while Jack was very grateful for his dog Lisa was relieved that Jack was delighted.

They celebrated new year's eve together and were relieved that everyone could start the new year on a good note.

A couple of days after new year's eve Amy got a call from her father while she was folding laundry in her bedroom. The twins were outside, playing with Georgie and Katie and Carlotta was asleep in her crib.

"Hello?" Amy answered the phone.

"Amy, it's me."

"Dad! How are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good. It's good to hear your voice."

"Yeah, it's good to hear your voice too", Amy smiled.

"How is everyone doing?"

"Everyone is great, dad. But we miss you!"

"I miss you too! I'm actually calling because I thought y'all could come by at the rehab facility. We have this… 12 step program here and part of it is an apology to all of the people you might have… well, that might have been hurt by your actions that were affected by the addiction", Tim stuttered.

"Of course", Amy replied, she had read all about the twelve steps.

"Do you think you could talk to Lou, Jack, Ty and Lisa? And maybe Julia? I'm not sure if I can convince them to come talk to me but you might be a little more successfully", Tim asked.

"Dad, I think you should ask them yourself. If one of them says no, you call me again and I'll convince them. But I don't think anyone will", Amy smiled.

Tim sighted: "All right then. But you'll come?"  
"Of course."

"Thank you, Amy. I love you."

"Love you too, Dad. I'm looking forward to seeing you again."

"Yeah, I can't wait", Tim smiled.

They chatted for a little while until they hung up. Of course Amy was right. No one declined Tim's plea. Not even Julia, who was trying her best to move on.

* * *

After a couple of days everybody met at the rehab facility. Peter, who didn't have much to do with Tim and his addiction didn't come and babysat the kids.

They gathered around in one of the rooms and seated themselves in a circle. Tim was looking much better than the last time they had seen him but he was obviously very nervous.

"Thank you all so much for coming. I know that I don't deserve any favors from any of you but I am really glad that you all came. I asked you to come here because I wanted to apologize. Amy, I let you down in the hardest time of your life. You needed your father but I was so occupied with myself that I couldn't be there for you. I'm so sorry that I let you down. I hope I can be a better father to you and a better grandfather to your children again", Tim apologized to his youngest daughter.

"Thank you, Dad", Amy whispered, holding back tears. It was hard to see her own father struggling with his emotions. But Tim kept going.

"Lou: I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry for making you go through this again. You witnessed my failure the first time around, when I destroyed my marriage with your mother, when I let you and Amy grow up without a father. I'm sorry that you saw me at one of my lowest point, I'm sorry that I wasn't the father to you that you deserve. I know I'm not the ideal father and I know that I don't deserve a third chance but I still hope that you'll give be another chance so that I can be a better father to you and a better grandfather to your children too."

Lou was unable to hold back her tears. They were cautiously rolling down her face when she said: "Yes dad, I will give you another chance."

Tim took a couple of deep breaths before he began talking again.

"Jack, I thought you wouldn't even come here. I am so sorry for hurting the women you love the most so much. I'm sorry for hurting Marion, I'm sorry for letting your granddaughters grow up without a father and I'm sorry for paining them now. And I am so sorry for letting you down. You let me back into your lives again, for letting be become a part of the family again. I know that I wasn't always easy to deal with but in the end you were always there for me. I am sorry for disappointing you. You were always more like a father figure to me than my real father and I am immensely grateful for everything you have done for me. I'm very sorry for all the pain I have caused this family", Tim whispered the last sentence. He felt vulnerable, was a little embarrassed and afraid that his words wouldn't reach his family. He was scared that they wouldn't forgive him.

But Jack looked at his ex-son-in-law and compassion stirred inside of him. He was annoyed by Tim 90% of the time but couldn't imagine the life around Heartland without him anymore either.

"It's OK, Tim. I'm glad you're here to get better", Jack accepted Tim's apology.

"Thank you", Tim murmured and then continued.

"Ty, I am sorry for hurting you and your wife and most of all, I am sorry for not being there for you, when your wife and daughter were fighting for their lives. I was too scared to even set a foot in the hospital room when you were spending every moment with them. I wish I could have been there for you and helped you. I couldn't imagine a better husband for my daughter and father for my grandchildren", Tim ended his apology to Ty.

"Thank you, Tim", Ty smiled.

"And Lisa", Tim sighed, facing the woman that Tim owned a lot, "I am sorry for being such an idiot to you a lot of times when I know you mean good. You know I owe you a lot", Tim started and then saw Lisa's expression. Lisa's heart was racing – if Tim buggered this up now he could apologize as much as he wanted, she wouldn't forgive him. But Tim remembered: "Thank you for everything", he said without revealing any details. Only Jack understood what he meant and the rest of the family was too emotional to pay any attention to the little details of Tim's apology the Lisa.

"You're welcome, Tim", Lisa smiled relieved, "I'm very glad you're doing better."

Then Tim turned his face towards Julia and finally couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He wiped them away as fast as possible.

"Julia", he said with a shaky voice, "it means the world to me that you're here. I am so sorry for everything. I am so ashamed by everything I have put you through. I am so, so sorry for all the things I said, for all the terrible, terrible things I said to you. Even though you have been through all of this before with your father you stuck by me, you did everything you could to make me get better and I was too ignorant to accept your help. I am sorry for destroying your trust in me, I am sorry for sacrifice our relationship for my addiction and I am sorry for making you feel unloved. There has never been a moment in which I didn't love you and I am so sorry for not letting you know that. I do not expect you to forgive me but if you do I wish that our relationship could get a second chance", Tim smiled very sadly and so did Julia, who was silently crying.

"I accept your apology", Julia whispered, "and I am so relieved that you accepted the help that you needed." She couldn't say whether or not she could ever get back together with Tim but she knew how important it was to him that she forgave him.

"Thank you", he whispered, knowing that this wasn't the time or the place to discuss their relationship.

"Thank you all", he said in a more stable voice.

The tears dried and Tim hugged one family member after the other.

"When will you come home?" Lou asked after Tim hugged her.

"Soon", Tim smiled and kissed her on the forehead.


	21. Chapter 21

_Thank you so much for the reviews I got for the previous chapter! It seriously means so much so much to me! I hope you won't be too disappointed, that this is the last chapter but I felt like this would be the perfect ending for this fanfiction. Thank you all so much for supporting this story for over a year, I loved writing this fiction._

* * *

Chapter 21 - Epilogue

The drive back home went by in silence. Jack was driving Lisa's SUV, which was a little more comfortable for longer rides than Jack's truck. They were all driving with them except for Julia, who was driving by herself.

Jack felt uneasy. He knew that his family needed time to process Tim's words but he hated seeing their unhappy expressions. Every bone in his body wanted to take their pain away, wanted to see them smile again. He was desperately searching for the right words to break the silence when Lou did so: "Do you think Julia will get back together with Dad?"

Amy shrugged: "Maybe. She didn't seem very enthusiastic but I guess that's no wonder", she said, not very enthusiastic as well.

"She might need some time but the fact that she appeared today shows that Tim isn't indifferent to her. It seems like he is doing really good", Lisa added.

"Probably wasn't easy for him, revealing himself like that", Jack mumbled, looking at his wife as if he was checking in with her if he said the right thing. He was worried that being at rehab with Tim might have triggered unwelcome feelings in Lisa.

"Yeah", she agreed.

"How long will it take now until he can go home?" Ty asked.

"He said that he'll be home soon", Lou replied.

"He is almost at the end of the rehab program", Amy said more to herself than to anyone else in the car.

"What happens when he gets home? Is he just gonna go back to normal? Isn't that kinda dangerous?" Ty wondered.

"No, he's not going entirely back to normal. He'll go to meetings, has to change a couple of this in his everyday life so that he can avoid another relapse", Lisa explained as neutral as possible so that she wouldn't reveal to much from herself.

"Let's just hope it'll all work out", Jack sighted.

Then it was silent again until they reached Heartland. Ty, Amy and Lou got back to their kids and to work and Lisa drove off to a business meeting. Jack saddled Paint and took Dawson with him for a peaceful ride.

In the midst of copse Jack saw another rider coming towards him. Moments later he recognized Julia.

"Hey Jack", she smiled and stopped her mare.

"Hey", Jack greeted her with a warm smile, "needed some time to clear your head too?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Not exactly my favorite pastime today", Julia sighted.

"Mine neither. But it seems like he is really getting back on track, doesn't it?"

"I suppose he is. Luckily."

"You know Julia, I know that this is really none of my business and usually it's my wife who holds conversations like these and she is much better at them than I am. But I saw Tim ruining a wonderful relationship with my daughter before and I don't want him to ruin yours with his drinking."

"It might be a little late for that", Julia remarked. She didn't mind Jack's involvement.

"I don't want to talk you into something or pressure you. I'm actually not really sure what I'm trying to say at all", Jack chuckled, "I think I just hope that he didn't ruin your relationship too much because he will definitely regret letting you go for the rest of his life and I will hear all about it every day."

"Thank you Jack, I really appreciate that", Julia smiled, "I guess we'll have to wait and see how thinks will go."

"Yeah", Jack agreed, "have a nice ride, Julia."

"You too. See you."

* * *

That evening everyone was relieved to finally get settled on the couch. Amy and Ty turned on the TV and watched a movie, Lou and Peter planned the nursery for their unborn family addition and Jack and Lisa settled down in front of the fireplace, Jack with a book and Lisa with a couple of papers for work. Her legs rested on Jacks lap and she fought against waves of tiredness that kept her from concentrating on the numbers on the documents.

"Why don't you go to bed, Lisa, it's been a long day", Jack chuckled as he watched his wife fighting against sleep.

"It's only nine", Lisa murmured.

"Well, our bedroom opens at seven so feel free to get some rest", Jack joked.

"Very funny", Lisa smiled ironically and laid the documents on the coffee table but didn't get up. Jack closed his book and asked: "Are you OK?"

"Of course."

"I just thought might not have been the easiest day", Jack remarked carefully.

"I appreciate your concern, I really do. But you also need to trust me when I say that I'm fine, otherwise you'll never believe me", Lisa smiled.

"All right. Just promise me that you'll tell me if something is bothering you. After all these years we've spent together I still find it difficult to always know how you're doing. Your pokerface is just too good", Jack smirked.

"I promise", Lisa answered and found Jack's confession rather cute.

"Thank you", Jack replied relieved, "now come here", he gestured Lisa to snuggle up in his arms. She took her legs from his legs, turned around and was asleep in his arms moments later.

* * *

Months had passed when Lou woke up in the middle of the night because a sharp pain shot through her body. "Peter", she whispered and clenched her teeth, "Peter!"

"What? Are you OK?" Peter grunted sleepy.

"I think it's time", Lou groaned and a second later Peter was on his feet, eager to get his wife safe and sound to the hospital.

* * *

"Oh, he's perfect", Tim whispered.

"Yeah, he truly is", Jack agreed.

"Finally another man in the family", Tim smiled.

"He is so tiny", Amy looked at her sister with her newborn son in her arms.

Peter and Lou couldn't stop beaming. Little Max was born early in the morning and the whole family was thrilled to see mother and son healthy and together.

"He really is perfect", Lou yawned.

"Why don't we let you get some rest now?" Jack suggested.

"Yeah, I feel like I could sleep for 24 hours straight", Lou laughed. Then Amy, Ty, Jack, Lisa, Tim, Julia, Georgie and Katie said their goodbyes and let Peter and Lou alone with their newborn son.

* * *

"He's really cute", Julia smiled when Tim drove them back home.

"Lies in the family", Tim joked.

"I guess it does", Julia laughed and looked down on her left hand where the beautiful engagement ring sparkled.

"Good for you that you accepted my proposal, now you'll be surrounded by the almost unbearable cuteness for the rest of your life."

"I can't wait!" Julia smiled.

* * *

In Ty's car his oldest daughter kept dreaming about how great it would be, if she would have three siblings: "Can't you have another one, mommy?"

"No honey, I think three of you is absolutely perfect", Amy laughed.

"But we could help you take care of the baby. Max is so cute and so tiny, right Carlotta?"

"Dadadada", Carlotta "replied".

"Dad, you need to convince mom!" Maylin ordered.

Ty laughed: "Nope, I actually agree with your mom. Three is perfectly enough. You can spend as much time with little Max as you want but there will be no babies for us anymore."

"But why?" Maylin whined.

"Do you remember how sick mom and Carlotta were when Carlotta was born? We were all very scared that we might lose one of them, so scared that mom and I decided back then that we are very, very blessed with you and that is more than we could wish for", Ty explained.

"But maybe it would be a boy so that I can have a brother and you have to sons and two daughters", Jase thought aloud.

"Kids, I'm sorry, but that's enough. You get what you get – ", Amy started talking but Jase and Maylin ended her sentence at the same time: "and you don't get upset..."

* * *

As soon as Jack and Lisa got home they decided to saddle their horses and to go on a ride together. They cantered through the nature and stopped on top of a little hill where they could look over the fields of Heartland. Jack took a deep breath in and then smiled at the sight of his wife. She was enjoying the last shafts of sunlight warming her face. Then she noticed that Jack was watching her.

"What?" she smiled.

"Nothing", Jack smirked.

Lisa puckered her brows.

"I was just thinking about how pretty my wife is."

"Yeah, you are quiet the lucky guy, aren't ya?" Lisa smirked and leaned towards so that she could kiss Jack.

"Quiet the lucky guy", Jack repeated murmuring before returning her kiss with a little more passion.

"I can't believe I'm married to a guy with six grandchildren", Lisa suddenly chuckled as they continued their ride.

"You don't say! How do you think I feel?" Jack laughed out loud.

"My old man", Lisa said ironically and Jack gently slapped her on the arm.

"I bet I'm still faster than you are – race you home!"

"Loser has to cook for a week", Lisa laughed and together they stormed over the fields.


End file.
